by David McAlpine

Alright Bachelor fans, not going to lie. After last week's three-hour recap extravaganza that was the premiere of the Bachelor Pad, I didn't have as much momentum going into this one. I was a little skeptical--and a little worried--about this show dragging out.

But now that most of the dirty laundry is out there and it's been well established that Jake and Vienna are not on good terms, ABC has a hit on their hands.

We begin with the Kasey vs. Jake fiasco. Jake was the godfather who made Kasey kiss his ring, because effectively he made sure Kasey stayed, sending our favorite cheating wrestler, Justin, packing. However, Kasey doesn't see it that way. Instead he's bragging that he has all the power in the game (even though we've seen time and time again that all the women try to run away from Kasey as fast as possible) to Vienna.

The competition comes up right away, and it's called "Target On Your Back" (just like how everyone feels on the show!). Basically, each member of the same sex is lined up, blindfolded and turned away from Chris Harrison. Then, one by one, the members of the opposite sex come out and answer a question (anonymously, of course) by throwing a paint filled egg at their selected answer's back.

The women get real, giving all the guys the answers they don't want to hear. However, it's Jake who ends up on the crooked side of things when Chris asks the women who they want to go home that week. At that point, Jake might as well have egg on his face, because it's all over his back thanks to the targeting women.

On the women's' side, Erica is the big loser of the night, getting eggs for both "least attractive" and "most likely to go home." Erica is hurt afterwards because she considers herself curvaceous, then quickly slips Ella under the bus as her pick for least attractive (note: she's not concerned about the whole "most likely to go home" thing).

Michael Stagliano comes out the victorious one because he got pelted the least, so he picks three girls to take on a date: Erica, Michelle and Holly. The date: a nighttime, very dark tour of a haunted hospital. What says love more than night-vision goggles and terror, right? Michael and Erica even try to contact a former patient at the hospital via a seance, and they get rushing water in return.

Michelle knows something is up, though. She puts Michael on the spot about his relationship with Holly. He admits there's something there, then gives her the date rose, coming clean about all his feelings. Holly doesn't seem to notice that Michael has melted into a puddle of emotion, and tries to say that they're simply better as "best friends," even though he makes it clear he hasn't given up yet.

Melissa was the winner for the girls, so she picks three guys: Kirk, Kasey and Blake. Instead of playing with her heart, Melissa is smart. She knows people know think she's crazy, so she needs to secure a little safety. And that safety is going to come in the form of Kasey, who claims to hold many cards in the house.

She does, however, want Blake, who doesn't want her in return. Instead, he's going to play her just like she's playing Kasey. He even makes out with her (or, in his words, "whores himself out to her") in an attempt to get the date rose--which works.

Back at the house, Jake is doing some work of his own, because he knows he's public enemy number one. Instead of doing anything strategic, though, Jake goes straight to the source: he asks Vienna for help. In front of everyone. And her response is fairly cold, which garners some negative attention in the house.

So remember when I said that Melissa was clearly concerned about what people thought? Well, late the next day she tries to find Blake to tell him how much she's changed since her Bachelor departure. Instead, Blake is left sad that his ally in the house is the definitely crazy one, not just borderline.

At the cocktail party, Jake proves he can't take no for an answer. Instead of asking Vienna for help this time, he goes her the double whammy with her and Kasey, begging for their help. Kasey starts waving around his own godfather ring, relishing that Jake is groveling to stay in the game. Vienna holds a bone over his head, too, and the couple immediately becomes the talk of the house--but not in a good way.

In a surprise twist, Chris Harrison reveals it will be two women going home tonight, which left many panicked faces in front of the Bachelor mansion. It's a series of events that starts with Vienna trying to save herself, and explodes from girl to the next. Gia ends up walking out because she can't handle it, saying she's not cut out for this game (did it take her a second time around to figure that out?).

Ella seems to be the next target until she plays the single mom card. Then everyone sights turn to Jackie, since it seems like everyone wants to keep Vienna around until they can throw her under the bus. It all comes down to Melissa--who is pissed she doesn't have a boy like Vienna or Jackie. So she takes her rage out on Jackie, who is shacked up with Ames, in the hopes that her karma will bring her a man someday.

But that's not all! Ames decides that he's so in love with Jackie that he wants to go with. So the two ride off in the moonlight, happy they have each other, even if they did lose the money. Take that, Melissa!

Bachelor Pad airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

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