by David McAlpine

Well, Bachelor fans, it almost seems like last week that we saw the happy engagement of Ashley and JP followed swiftly by People Magazine article after US Weekly article about lies and betrayal, right?

Oh, that's right, because it was last week. Can you believe that ABC already has yet another dose of Bachelor fun for us? This time, it's the three-hour premiere of their hit summer fill-in Bachelor Pad. The first season was trashy, filled with sex and all around great, so I have low expectations (meant in the best way, of course) for this season.

And what a season it is. Sure, we have the Jackies and the Michelles and the Melissas (i.e. crazy women who hate each other), then there's the Blakes and the Justins (i.e. crazy men who are too into themselves), but let's face it: there's one highlight of the night: the Jake-Vienna-Kasey love triangle.

If you'll remember, Jake and Vienna last parted on awful terms after a public feud on national television that acted as part of an episode on Ali's season--because it was just that great. Kasey, on the other hand, was the one who got the tattoo for Ali, and lost all the respect of the guys in the house. Now, Kasey and Vienna are together and Jake is left in the dust.

Jake wants to bury the hatchet, but Kasey can't seem to let it go upon first meeting. Vienna is cowering on the couch (which, of course, is easier for her to do now sans half her nose), while Kasey and Jake sputter out words of agreement. Oh man, this is going to be a long few weeks at the Bachelor mansion, that's for sure.

But the episode doesn't last that long, since Chris already arrives to explain the rules of the game: the men vote off the women, the women vote off the men. Every week, there will be a guy and a girl safe, but other than that, everyone is fair game. For the first challenge, everyone is going to need a partner.

Holly and Michael and Kasey and Vienna are obvious pairs (both couples are dating), but everyone else is a free-for-all. My favorite from Ashley's season, Ames, is crushing hard on Jackie, but the two of them are smart enough to know not to pair up so they can keep a target off their back. Of course, everyone sees them together, so it defeats the purpose, but they still split up--Ames with crazy Michelle and Jackie with fame-whore Jake.

The challenge: the men have to straddle their female partner on a bed, while the women hold on. The pair is then hoisted 10 feet into the air, where they have to hold on as long as possible. Wnners get a private date and roses, while the losers aren't safe this week.

In an oh-so-climactic ending, it's Kasey and Vienna versus Jackie and Jake. Granted, I gotta give it to Kasey, because it's clear holding VIenna is a little tougher than holding up Jackie, if you know what I mean. But no amount of pleading from Vienna can help Kasey, because he drops her, giving Jake and Jackie the win.

Vienna is pissed. She tells Kasey she expected more from him, but he's not taking it lightly. He fires back, telling her she's taking her head out of the game. One argument later, and they're back in the lovebirds phase, making up with small coos.

Then it's game time. Kasey and Vienna reach out to Blake and Michelle to make an alliance of four, afterwards getting with Holly and Michael and Erica and Kurt. With four male votes and four female votes, they only need one more guy to control everything. Michael wants to rope in Justin (a.k.a. "Rated R"), but Kasey says he's his sworn enemy (remember that whole "I'll protect your heart" thing with Ali?). Justin tries to make amends, but Kasey is hesitant to believe them.

Jake and Jackie blab at dinner too much, clearly pandering for the cameras. Jackie wants to be on TV, Jake has a small amount of a soul, blah, blah, blah. The only thing they don't talk about is the bonus rose they earned, which allows them to save one other person.

The next day, the two convene to discuss. Jackie offers up Vienna, as a hope that it would show the ex-couple have made amends and, surprise, surprise, Jake is actually digging it. Meanwhile, Justin thinks it's the worst idea in the world. Gia also doesn't like it, because Vienna and Kasey are clearly not on Jake's side.

But Jake gives the rose to Vienna anyway, prompting Gia to cry. He uses the rose as leverage to talk to Vienna alone, where he apologizes for trying to embarrass her on national TV. You can see Vienna is angry she no longer has tension to play off of on the show, and she has no choice but to accept his apology.

Cut back to Gia, who now starts scheming to save herself, since she thinks she's the target. So she shifts the spotlight to Justin and Alli, both of whom seem to be playing both sides of the fence. That might fly in Survivor, but in Bachelor Pad, you get called out, then voted out on that stuff, since they're all so moral.

In the end, it comes down to Justin vs. Kasey and Gia vs. Alli. After the final roses are doled out, Rated R and Alli are left to take the embarrassing trip home as bootees number one, and Justin makes an even bigger ass of himself on the way out, grabbing Jake's rose out of his lapel. Alli's exit is much quieter, but still sad all the same.

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

Find out who goes home next on Bachelor Pad, Mondays at 8/7c on ABC!

Reach David by e-mail or follow him on Twitter (@DavidMcAlpine)