by David McAlpine
 
It's come down to this on The Bachelorette: Chris vs. Roberto. As Ali has said multiple times, she gave up her life, she gave up everything to come here and find love. She dealt with a crazy wrestler who came on the show for his own name and a lovable midwestern guy who ended up going back to his ex-girlfriend and now she's with Roberto, the Latin lover, and Chris, the sensitive sweetheart.
 
Before any decisions can be made, both Chris and Roberto have to meet Ali's parents--a tall order according to the Bachelorette. Roberto isn't sweating it, though, as he's incredibly natural around Ali's mom, dad, sister and brother. It's the usual get-to-know you mumbo-jumbo, but then it hits home very suddenly with three things:
 
First, Ali won't stop gushing to her parents. I'm not talking "Oh, he's so cute," I'm talking lovy-dovy, struck-by-an-arrow way that's kind of sickening, but a little cute at the same time. Second, Ali's mom tried to speak to Roberto in Spanish. She clearly likes the guy and she was trying to do something she had never done before. How could it get any better? Oh, right, he knows how to salsa dance, so he taught everyone how to do it. Hook, line and sinker with that one.
 
But Chris, the audience favorite according to many websites, still had a shot, and inside I'm still hoping that his sensitive side can win out over everything else. Unfortunately, the spark is definitely not there as much. It's a lot of finding common ground (which there is a lot of, by the way), but beyond that, it wasn't anything stand out. I mean, you couldn't help but like the guy with what he was saying, but it was all very likable, not lovable.
 
He still thought he had a chance, though, talking with all the individual family members. He really hit home with Raya (Ali's sister) with his "I've found my soulmate" line, and she even goes so far as to project that they'll be seeing him more. Judging by Ali's reactions throughout the day, I'm going to guess not, which makes this trainwreck on the horizon that much sadder.
 
Finally, it was time for Ali to discuss with the family. It came down to Team Roberto (Ali's dad) versus Team Chris (Ali's mom, brother and sister). Ali's dad saw what the rest of us die-hard fans did: that Roberto made Ali infinitely happier than Chris (sadly). Meanwhile, the rest of the family was caught up (just like me) on the bared heartstrings of Chris and how it has changed him as a person. Eventually Ali came to the conclusion that both guys are great, but she needs to find which one is better for her.
 
Time, however, was running out, as Ali only had one last chance to see both men before the big day. Roberto was up first again and you could tell that he was out for the proposal. Ali felt comfortable enough around him to freak out from the stingrays. She came close to admitting that he was the one several times, but was stopped by some editing and producer-inserted self-questioning. Then, finally, while they were having a private picnic, it started to rain and they ended up making out in the water. It really was the perfect end to the perfect day--even I could feel the sparks. Wait, my mistake: he tells her they should dance forever. En Español. Bingo, we have ourselves a winner.

And Ali agreed: "I don't want to say goodbye to Roberto." So her response was to put the abash on Chris early and, sadly, end his road on the Bachelorette. The worst part about it is that I think we all saw this coming in one form or another from the beginning of the episode, but didn't want to believe it. Desperately, I was still hoping she would change her mind.

The worst part about it was that it was dragged out to eek every emotion related to heartbreak out of any viewer with a heart. Every. Last. Drop. Chris starts with talking about how much he loves Ali, how he starts fantasizing about what he'll do when they get married. He wants to be with her forever. And she comes at him with a derr-in-headlights look and starts talking about why he's so great. He knows it's dangerous waters and you can see the fear on his face.

After the windup, Ali delivers the bad news and cringes, knowing that she hurt possibly the most likable person to ever come on this show. Ever. Millions of viewers are shouting at their TV sets because of what she's doing to Chris--and he thanks her. Even better, he wishes her luck with Roberto. Could Chris get ANY more perfect? Seriously, the guy is straight out of a dream.

Cut to outside, where Chris sees a rainbow (flashback to him telling us that his mom told him to "look for her in rainbows")--and says that it was his mom telling him everything was ok. Not just ok, but that he did a great job and that he should be happy about how he did, and he needs to kel looking. It's like ABC is playing my heartstrings like a violin.

So here it is, the moment we've been waiting for all season: Ali is in her yellow dress, waiting anxiously with the final red rose boutonniere and Roberto is on his way, not knowing that hie's the only one coming. There's all this talk about being 100 percent sure and not knowing if there will be a proposal, blah blah blah. At this point, I'm already crying, so it's all semantics. Roberto wants to grow old with her, she loves him, and they opt to get engaged. Cue montage, complete with "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" as background music, and it's another season in the can.

Of course, we can't leave without the After the Rose special. It's usually the particularly juicy, tantalizing end to a dramatic season that gives us a little bit of a scandalous twinge to walk away with and remind all us anti-love watchers why we started watching to begin with. But with a season that had relatively little controversy, came an equally un-controversial After the Final Rose.

(Not) surprisingly, Frank didn't show up. Can you blame the guy? The more that they talk about him, the more it seems like he's genuinely beating himself up, which makes me feel for him a little bit. But you can't feel for anyone more than Chris, who doesn't show one hint of negative emotion while he's on stage with Ali. He knows love isn't controllable and he's not mad at her at all, but he is ready for love. Besides a giant neon flashing sign, I'm going to say there's nothing else that could make it more obvious that this guy is ABC's next target. The best part: he even congratulated Ali on nabbing Roberto. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Roberto comes out finally and they show that they're even more in love than before. A brief update on their lives: they're planning a summer wedding, but Roberto wants something sooner (Which I'm sure ABC would be more than happy to help happen), they're planning to live n San Diego, where Roberto is moving his business and they'll probably have incredibly beautiful children. It's strange, because I'm always talking to my friends, hoping that, one day, this show will have a picture perfect ending. And now that it has, I'm not so sure that I was such a fan. Oh well, only a few months until we get to ride the rollercoaster all over again. Until then, Bachelorette fans!

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

If you can't get enough of The Bachelorette, watch some of your favorite contestants compete for love and money on ABC's new reality show Bachelor Pad, premiering Monday, August 9 at 8/7c!

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