By Jackie Helm

This week on Ochocino: The Ultimate Catch, I have to begin by noting the lovely intro of shirtless Chad Ochocinco catching a football as though he’s stopping a flying bullet.  Moving on, Chad cancelled the Red Team’s group date.  He fast forwarded to a personal date with Tara (#2) and her match up Katie (#15).  We do love Katie’s sweet, devout Christian personality.  However, we all know that in terms of being an NFL stars’ chic, she doesn’t hold a candle to Tara.

Chad and the girls boarded a small plane and flew to Las Vegas.  Tara is making a name for herself as the cute, quirky comedian.  She placed a rag on Chad's head and combed his beard as he snored on the plane.  During their alone time, Katie and Chad got pedicures and discussed the do’s and dont’s of her mission to serve God (mostly dont’s).  Chad told Katie that he was down with her "walk on the road less traveled", but I'm sure he was just being nice.  Tara and Chad stayed true to Sin City and produced a soft porn scene in the swimming pool.  He was totally digging Tara, but she later remarked that their “dry humping” session in the pool was “gross and disgusting”.  She told Chad she preferred chocolate over Brad Pitt.  But didn't she tell T.O. that she had never been with a black man?  Anyway, the other girls were insanely jealous and determined to snitch once that Tara didn't enjoy the hot action with Chad.

Back at the house the other gals were taking advantage of the unlimited supply of Patron.  During convo, I noted that Rubi said she had never dated a black man.  This removed her from as one of my favorites for obvious reasons.  I realize most of these girls aren’t truly looking for love, but at least be experienced in interracial relationships before claiming to want one with “Choco-cinco”.  Meanwhile, a volcano erupted somewhere in between Lisa dropping guacamole on the floor and Rubi suggesting she clean it up.  Rubi insulted Lisa’s stomach and Lisa doused Rubi with liquid.  Surprisingly, Rubi took the high road and didn’t retaliate.

Later, Chad’s group date with the Blue Team consisted of a yoga session as he wanted to evaluate the ladies’ flexibility.  After determining who he could bend over the easiest, everyone joined hands in a circle.  The yoga instructor led a mediation session where the ladies were to envision themselves in five years.  Candice stayed true to her star struck ways and was caught off guard by the question.  She said she couldn’t think of anything else but the fact she was holding Chad’s hand.  Tiphani tripped and said she was thinking of “Baby Chad”.  Ericka topped them all by claiming she was envisioning grilled chicken and zucchini, as we all know the way to Chad’s heart is through his stomach (and other body parts on the lower end).

The Blue Team 1:1 date winners were Crystal and Courtney.  Courtney said she’d charm the pants off of Chad and would advance to the next level.  This came easy for Courtney as Crystal proved to be quite the complainer.  The ladies enjoyed a boat ride on the water with Chad at the helm and then fine dining followed.  He provided a beautiful dress for the girls to wear; which Crystal complained about and even told Chad she wasn’t happy with it.  She went on to say that she wouldn’t kiss on a first date and that it may even take many dates for a man to get a kiss from her.  Courtney played on the opportunity to be the girl who would simply go with the flow. 

For the elimination ceremony, Ocho brought his boy B’ Twice in for assistance.  Chad also asked the other girls what they thought of the girls on the chopping block.  In the case of Crystal vs. Courtney, they said that Crystal was more of Chad’s type.  In the case of Katie vs. Tara, the girls gave Chad the scoop on Tara’s ill comments toward him.  Chad acted concerned but I knew he wouldn’t choose the Bible believer over the blonde beauty.  Sure enough, he didn’t take the girls advice and chose Tara to stay after confirming that she was supposedly serious about being there.  He also went against the majority vote (except for mine) as he chose “chilled out Courtney” over “complaining Crystal”.

Katie and Tara

The girls weren’t happy t o see that Tara stayed.  Before Daddy Chad retired for the evening, he sternly asked the remaining competitors if there was anyone else not taking the situation seriously.  Because this IS serious girls.  You WILL wind up being Chad Ochocinco’s real life girlfriend…for real…*wink wink*.

Next week Rubi’s true colors just might shine through!  She wins a kiss from Chad but doesn’t redeem it!  What are these girls thinking and what went wrong in casting?

Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch airs Sundays at 9/8c on VH1.

(Image courtesy of VH1)

Follow Jackie at twitter.com/justjackieshow