by Mike Bandy

 

Part 1 of the RHONYC reunion kicked off with Andy Cohen asking Ramona if she was pregnant, and she said she wasn't, and she actually has her period right now. We all really needed to know this information, apparently. Ramona said that she just has young genes, and LuAnn said that a boat was a weird place to take a pregnancy test. I think a 54 year old women believing she's pregnant over believing she's hit menopause is weird, but hey, that's me.

 

Andy said that these women fight a lot, but never at the right time or place, and then they showed arguments from the season where the women said, "This isn't the time or the place". I'm not sure I know that there IS a time or place to have a fight, especially for these women, who can't seem to ever stop fighting, no matter what time or place.

 

We got to further hash out the marriage equality march drama, where Alex agreed to disagree and Sonja tried to explain that she didn't do anything wrong. Kelly tried to get involved and throw Alex under the bus, as per usual, but Alex said that while the show focused on the argument, marriage equality wasn't focused on. She hoped that by the time the reunion aired, marriage equality would happen in New York, and it has! Congrats, Alex!

 

Kelly and Alex then got into it because Kelly said that Alex "gets all red" and Alex said that Kelly doesn't know who she is, and that she's not nice. Kelly then pointed out that Cosmo named her one of the nicest celebrities ever, so there!

 

Then the conversation turned to Sonja and her bankruptcy, and that being the reason behind her erratic behavior all season. Really? I was convinced it was because she's simply bonkers, not because of her bankruptcy, but that's me. Still, Sonja was trying to keep her head held high, as she talked about the many people in her life that love her, and her wonderful genealogy. Yes, I'm serious. But Sonja couldn't hold it together when she talked about her marriage breaking up. It's been four years and the woman's still crying about it. I don't get it - you're okay to have your tea and crumpets falling out of your clothes every time we see you, but the mention of divorce sends you reeling? I smell a rat.

 

A viewer asked the question we've all wanted an answer to all season - Why did Sonja keep having parties if she's in bankruptcy? Well, it turns out that she was a "restaurant consultant" in her heyday, so restaurants often comp her for things. Why couldn't the woman just tell the truth: BRAVO PAID FOR EVERYTHING! I mean, duh. Do they really think we're this stupid?

 

Then Sonja laid into Kelly for her comment in Morocco about how her house is kept and how she's living a lifestyle that her husband afforded her. Kelly backtracked as fast as she could, but Sonja wasn't having any of it. She said that she doesn't know where Kelly gets her information, but she's wrong. Kelly said that Sonja acts pretentious, and Cindy (speaking for the first time in the episode, god help her), agreed.

 

Next, the conversation turned to Jill and Ramona and their fighting. They got into it about Ramona bringing her own wine to Jill's bullying event, and then Jill bullied Alex by telling her to stay out of it when she tried to speak up. Jill brought up Mario's potential cheating again, and how Ramona and Alex wore cream to a wedding. Alex and Jill got into it, and Jill said that Alex was a word that starts with "B" and rhymes with "snitch". Got the picture?

 

The fight between Jill and Ramona continued, and Jill blamed Ramona for her not having a friendship with Bethenny, saying that Ramona was jealous of their friendship and therefore sabotaged it, which is ridiculous, and delusional on a level that I can barely understand. Jill said that she's scared of Bethenny, and Kelly chimed in to talk about her too. I love it - Bethenny is now married with a beautiful daughter, made $120 million off of her "Skinny Girl" drinks, and is laughing all the way to the bank, and these unfortunate women are STILL talking about her. Get a life, ladies.

 

We then got an inside look at Sonja and Ramona's bonkers relationship, and how insane they are, both separately and together. Sonja's lack of clothing was called out, and Kelly said that she was "hurt and insulted" when she saw Sonja's womanly space at her book photo shoot. Are you KIDDING me? The only thing dumber than this was what followed it - a conversation about how Kelly - KELLY - was the voice of reason this season! I refuse to believe that a woman who overuses the word "weird" and eats jelly beans by the truckload can be anything but a voice of insanity. No. I won't buy it, and you can't make me.

 

Oh, Cindy. Even when you're TRYING to be relevant, it still doesn't happen. She was arguing back and forth with Sonja about pecking orders, taking conference calls in a kitchen, when to approach someone's brother about a wrong he's supposedly done to you, and basic etiquette skills. Cindy stood up from the sofa at one point and yelled at Ramona and Sonja that she didn't want to be like any of them, and don't tell her what to do. Remember when you were in sixth grade, and there was that one girl in your class who was rude to everybody, but when someone tried to stomp her down, she backed off? That's Cindy all the way. I don't believe she'll be asked back for a second season (and not just because she said that the women irritate her), unless they're renaming the show The Real Housewives of Boringville.

 

Then we got to deal with LuAnn and Ramona, and let me tell you - THIS was the bread and butter of the whole reunion thus far! LuAnn RIPPED Ramona a new one and said that she had no right to talk about her parenting skills, and that she's only been nice to her, and how could Ramona treat her this way? Ramona fired back that she's never nice to her, she's a weekend mom, and that her husband cheated on her. LuAnn, on the verge of tears (tell me the truth, did you ever think you'd see THAT?), yelled at Ramona that it wasn't her business what happened in her marriage. Then Jill, sensing a bully that needed to be taken down, yelled at Ramona to leave LuAnn alone, "OR YOU'RE GONNA DEAL WITH ME!"

 

It was better than boxing, let me tell you.

 

Part two of the reunion is next week - what will the queens of proper etiquette have in store for us?! I can't wait to find out.

 

 

(Image courtesy of Bravo)