by Mike Bandy

 

Ahh, it's so good to be home!

 

The ladies arrived home from Morocco last night, and Ramona decided she wanted intimate time with Mario, so she planned an evening for them involving rose petals, a fancy room, and of course, pinot grigio. Mario arrived, and Ramona brought up the fortune teller.

 

Mario paused and then informed Ramona that the only other woman in his life is Avery. Ramona said she knew that, but wanted to share because it was a weird thing. Bull...she was trying to catch him in a lie. She then proceeded to give him a massage that looked really uncomfortable. Not unlike getting felt up by a tank.

 

Meanwhile, Alex and Simon's reunion was just as cute as you'd think it'd be. They had a dinner of oysters, and Simon remarked about the great sex they were going to have. Then he presented Alex with gifts of lingerie, which she modeled for him, before rushing off to the bedroom. Also, it turns out that Simon met the ladies at the airport and had roses for Alex, and he was the only husband to be there. I just love them, and their relationship!

 

Cindy and Howie were talking about new products for the salon, and Cindy showed the photos from Morocco, most of which she was cut out of. Man, I don't think Cindy will make it another season on this show. She's like the Mayoress of Boringville. The best part about this scene was Sonja admitting that she cut her out of the pictures and being happy about it.

 

Speaking of Sonja, she rushed off to the dermatologist with her niece for an expensive procedure. She was throwing her weight around and talking about how much money she spent on her clothes. She had just filed bankruptcy for $19 million, which most of the women found out while in Morocco. Sonja said that the press was relentless, and then defended her finances to the dermatologist, because that's what you do.

 

Ah, Jill. You do grate like nails on a chalkboard, but gosh darn it, I might actually not hate you after all. Sure, you're overbearing and judgmental, but at least you know how to pick out a great suit! Thank goodness Bobby had you there to take control. I'm not sure the man can stand up by himself! And LuAnn! Your dinner with Jacques at a French (duh) restaurant where you exchanged pleasantries and saccharin smiles made me so happy. Can someone gag me, please?

 

Jill is developing a line of "shapewear", which is a really fancy word for a cross between pantyhose, underwear, and shame, and wanted the women's opinions on it. Mostly, the women just wanted to talk about Sonja's bankruptcy, but she didn't. Couldn't they just leave her be!? Meanwhile, LuAnn arrived, and Alex told her that she wanted to sit down with her and talk about how things went in Morocco, and LuAnn agreed.

 

Focus group time! Ramona's not invited because, though they're in a better place, Jill can't trust her around business. Alex wasn't buying it, and felt that Jill was just trying to make any excuse why Ramona wasn't there. Anyway, lots of cackling ensued as the women talked about the best way to "skweez" their backsides until they were eight sizes smaller. It was like an ad for eating disorders. Alex met up with Ramona afterwards and told her what Jill said about her, which made Ramona pretty angry. Come on, did you guys REALLY think that Jill and Ramona would make up? I can't wait for the reunion!

 

Ramona and Sonja got together, and Ramona said that bankruptcy must be difficult, and Sonja said that to have her home at risk is scary. Ramona hugged her and told her that it would all work out. It was a rare moment of nice from Ramona, and I didn't know how to feel about it. Thankfully, I knew EXACTLY how to feel about LuAnn and Alex meeting to discuss Morocco!

 

I'll give you the highlights, because they talked over each other a lot: LuAnn felt that Alex should have stayed out of the situation with Ramona, and Alex felt that LuAnn was "condescending, haughty, dismissive, and vile." Alex kept trying to get a word in, and LuAnn kept interrupting. LuAnn said that Alex was a bully, and Alex said that if LuAnn acts like that again, she won't tolerate it. Each thought the other was being ridiculous, and LuAnn told Alex to get a life and then left. This was the moment I began to hate LuAnn even more than I already did.

 

Next week: 16th birthday parties, botox, and insanity. See you there!

 

 

The Real Housewives of New York City airs Thursdays at 10/9c on Bravo.

 

(Image courtesy of Bravo)