by David McAlpine

Last night on the season finale of Bachelor Pad, it was the battle of the showman's as the final three couples fought to the bitter end for the $250,000 prize. It's been a long six weeks, everyone, but they've definitely been enjoyable. Now it's time to find out who takes home the grand prize (finally).

We start off with the final six toasting to each other for making it so far. The best part? They've been the inner circle of hookups since the beginning and people have failed to get them out. Everyone seems excited except for Natalie, who immediately realizes that her and Dave may have made a mistake in getting rid of Jesse B. and Peyton.

Immediately, the final six are introduced to their next competition, which has nothing to do with making out, feeling each other up or any PG-13 form of a sexual act, for that matter. No, instead they've done the ultimate in ABC synergy and made the next challenge a spin-off of one of our other favorite reality shows: Dancing with the Stars. Well, subtract the stars but add a dash of lust and you've got this cast.

Elizabeth and Kovacs are paired up with Dancing pro Edyta, who of course puts her hands all over his body, driving Elizabeth into a jealous rage. Dave and Natalie are working with Louis, who brings out Dave's feminine side and both their inner raunch. The terms "doggie style" and "nipple" enter the conversation, I'll just leave it at that. Then it's Klutsy Kiptyn (remember him in Spain with Jillian?) and actual professional dancer Tenley trying to meet somewhere in the middle with Chelsie Hightower. It's the first time and only time we'll see Kiptyn fail at something, mark my words.

The judges for the evening of wonder? Of course, the lovely co-host Melissa Rycroft, former Dancing with the Stars finalist, and Jake and Trista, former Dancing with the Stars laugh-offs. What a fantastically qualified panel!

Kiptyn and Tenley do the foxtrot and Kiptyn still falls short (a.k.a. utterly fails) at doing anything fluid. Yet they still get a 26/30. Again, what a qualified panel. Kovacs and Elizabeth do a rumba and Elizabeth forgets all her steps, earning them a 24/30. Dave and Natalie are last with their raunchy cha-cha-cha and, even though it looks significantly better than the other two, they only get 25, giving Tenley and Un-koordinated Kiptyn the win.

So the flash strategizing began: Kovacs reminded Kiptyn of how intense Natalie and Dave are, and how much he and Elizabeth suck. If you've actually been paying attention to the show (which, I understand, can be hard on the brain), you would agree. But in true Bachelor Pad fashion, Kiptyn and Tenley choose Natalie and Dave, sending the "real couple" home.

Flash to the live filler, which is a reunion-slash-finale all rolled into one scandal-laden final hour! Apparently Elizabeth now hates Kovacs, the outsiders sucked at strategy and Gia and Wes finally kiss.

Back to the competition: it's questioning time by the cast-offs! The anger gets tossed around, first to Dave, then to Kiptyn about saying he wasn't in a relationship with Tenley. But Tenley hits the motherload when Michelle unloads on her and flat out tells her she and Kiptyn don't have her vote. Ouch.

Dave, Natalie, Kiptyn and Tenley get on their own soapboxes to plead for the cast-offs votes (notice how I'm not calling them a jury because of their blatant lack of judgment in life), and Dave gets steamrolled by Gwen for his age comment. Tenley plays the emotional card and Kiptyn says he'll donate $50,000 of it to charity. After the crickets and the smoke clears, Dave and Natalie emerge as the winners!

Well, not so fast, because there can only be one winner of this show. Or can there? Now that they're the final two, each has to go into a separate room backstage and pick keep or share: They both pick share and they split the grand prize. If one picks keep and the other picks share, the keeper wins, but if they both pick keep, they end up with nothing and the cast-off contestants split the $250,000. Dave picks "share" first, leaving it up to Natalie…but she picks "share," too, giving them both $125,000.

So…season two, please? Anyone with me on this one?

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

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