by Michael J. Lamp

 

Last night, on Millionaire Matchmaker, we were treated to a story of opposites. We first met Ayinde, a charming, put-together gentleman working through a commitment phobia. Then, we met Will, a womanizing asshat with major baggage. Literally, did you see the bags under this fool's eyes?

 

Anyway, Patti is all about Ayinde and for good reason. He seems like a great guy with a lot to offer. He just needs to work through his issues with long-term relationships. For this, Patti calls in one of her lady doctor friends. After sitting on a rug with Ayinde for a few minutes (really, that's all it took) lady doctor discovers that Ayinde's parental unit divorced when he was a wee one, hence the commitment issues. Adding insult to injury, it turns out Ayinde's Dad was killed when he was still a child. There's nothing to joke about here, friends. This is just sad.

 

At least we can make fun of super-douche, Will! Hooray! Upon meting Will, Patti is, um, less excited. In fact, it's not long before she calls him out for being a total tool. This prompts Will to do something he goes on to do a few times in the episode, which is to say ‘thanks' after being insulted. He's one of those guys that is so oblivious to his own ridiculousness, that insults go in one ear and out the other without making any impact whatsoever. I can't imagine this will end well.

 

The recruiting session offers up the usual mix of fake tans, fake boobs and fake personalities, with the occasional (and rare) shining star. The best part of the session came courtesy of a hot mess Asian with fake ta-tas and very real braces. She also has a heinous voice. Oh, and she's a mother. Lucky kid.

 

The mixer starts an hour later than scheduled. Can you guess which of our millionaires was late? You're right, it was Will. He seems totally NOT sorry about his tardiness and then proceeds to interview his prospective dates as if they were applying to be his intern. Rude. He settles on a nice gal named Nequisha, whom I feel immediately sorry for. Good luck, girlfriend.

 

Ayinde, on the other hand, is having a great time and proving to be quite the social butterfly. He goes for a sweet, southern belle named Joslyn, and I'm going to pretend like he didn't tell her that she reminded him of his cousin. Yikes.

 

Ayinde has planned a helicopter ride over Los Angeles, followed by a romantic dinner for he and Joslyn. Sweet. Will has planned a trip to Vegas for Nequisha - with his ‘assistant' along for the ride. Trashy.

 

Ayinde and Joslyn seem to be having a great date, chatting and laughing like they've known each other for some time. Ayinde seems really into Joslyn, which is evident in the way he is so adorably worried about whether or not she is having fun. She is. The date ends with Joslyn planting a little kiss on Ayinde's cheek. Face cheek, pervs. This seems promising.

 

Meanwhile, in Las Vegas, Will is out-douching even himself. This ‘assistant' that showed up on the flight to Vegas keeps popping up on Will's date with Nequisha in the most bizarre ways. It's not long before Nequisha realizes this is no ordinary assistant and that Will is quite possibly the grossest guy in America.

 

The award for the moment that most made me want to shower goes to Will (duh) when he blatantly checks out his ‘assistant' and her, um, assets. This is all while poor Nequisha sits on the other side of him. What. An. Ass.

 

Time to wrap things up with Patti. Do we even need to do this? Patti kicks Will out of the club for being himself and promises to fix Nequisha up with someone that is actually worth her time.

 

The good news? Ayinde and Joslyn are now totally dating. Yipee! By now they could have - and probably did - break up, but let's pretend that's not the case. Go love!

 

 

Millionaire Matchmaker airs Tuesdays at 10/9c on Bravo.

 

(Image courtesy of Bravo)

 

 

Follow Michael at twitter.com/mjlamp

 

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