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Millionaire Matchmaker Season 3: Episode 8 Recap

Posted on 03/16/2010 by Gina in Millionaire Matchmaker

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by Michael J. Lamp

Tonight, on Millionaire Matchmaker, we met two pissy pants, disguised as eco-friendly businesspeople. Sure, they both have eco-businesses that made them their million(s), but it's not long before Patti and friends expose them both for their lack of true eco-friendliness, as well as their overall snarkiness toward other people of planet Earth.

 

First, we met Doug, owner of a ‘green' clothing company. Doug is gay, but it's obvious he is only interested in guys that look, sound and act as douchey as him. Patti is totally put off by Doug's narcissism, as am I, but she takes him on anyway. Make that money, Patti! You've got a wedding to plan. Destin suggests a formal dinner, in lieu of the normal mixer. That's for the best. This way, Doug can upset a much smaller number of people.

 

Patti's other client is Nicole, a 40-year old British import that owns and runs her own eco-friendly event planning company. Within two minutes of meeting Nicole, Patti realizes that this biatch is abrasive like whoa! She seems more comfortable bossing people around than actually getting to know anyone. What guy won't love her, right?

 

Patti and the gang have some fun at this week's recruiting session, and Patti puts her gaydar to the test in an informal game of "gay or straight." They eventually settle on three guys for Doug: skinny Alan, older-looking Clay and super-sweet David. You'll remember David because he had a mini-date with Smike a few weeks ago. For Nicole the Nag, Patti goes with Bruce, who also owns a ‘green' business, pharmacist Charles and an older guy whose name I can't remember. You know who I'm talking about - the one that made crazy Shawna run away from him and back into the hotel. I miss that classy broad.

 

At dinner, both Doug and Nicole live up to their billing as total rudey poos in the running for the title of World's Worst Person. At one point, Nicole harasses Charles about him being a drug-pusher. Hey lady, the guy is a freakin' pharmacist! Chill the eff out. Doug talks about Doug and only Doug, prompting Destin to take him away from the table for a brief lecture. Doug couldn't care less about what Destin has to say and offers only "you're straight, you don't get it" as his defense. Super weird. Even worse, he remains convinced that all three guys are definitely interested. Uh, I think not.

 

In the end, Doug picks nice guy David, which causes me to immediately feel for David. He's surely in for an awful date. Nicole opts for Bruce, the goateed eco-guy. I think she picked him because he was the only guy at the table who seemed like he would put up with her nonsense. This prompts Shawna's bff, the silver fox, to totally freak out and storm out of the party. Apparently he thinks Nicole made the ‘safe' choice. Calm down, guy. There are other fishies in the sea.

 

Time for the dates. This can't end well. Doug has planned a hot-air balloon ride for he and David. The problem? David is majorly scared of heights. And the lolz begin.

 

Rather than trying to help David overcome his fears, Doug basically just throws him into the damn balloon. Lots of awkward conversation, including pregnant pauses while the balloon literally flames up to stay in the air. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best idea for a first date.

 

The real misery begins at dinner, though. David attempts to order a steak and Doug tells him that's bad for the environment. Instead, he suggests chicken. Does this guy even know what he's talking about? No, is the answer. After a lot more talk about Doug, Doug and Doug, David basically acknowledges what a disaster the day has become and calls it day. Poor David.

 

Nicole plans a ‘toxic tour' for she and Bruce. I have no words. Apparently this is a way to show Bruce how horrible mankind is.

 

Romantic? Not so much. Luckily, Bruce planned a nice dinner for immediately after. The only interesting part of the date is when Bruce orders up a couple of tequila shots in the hopes of bringing Nicole out of her shell a little. It seems to work, but when Bruce leans in for a kiss, he is brutally rebuffed. Harsh! You don't want to kiss her, anyway, Bruce.

 

Can you guess how this ends? Doug and David never went out again. Shock. Nicole and Bruce actually went on one more date, but that was it. Another shock.

 

It's a shame Doug and Nicole are both such gross human beings, because David and Bruce both seem like good catches. Maybe they should date each other.

 

 

Millionaire Matchmaker airs Tuesdays at 10/9c on Bravo.

 

(Image courtesy of Bravo)

 

 

Follow Michael at twitter.com/mjlamp

 

For more Millionaire Matchmaker links, visit SirLinksALot.net


  


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