by Katelynn Cusanelli

The Real World: Brooklyn

 

Episode 1: CEOs and Trifling Hoes

 

It’s that time of year again which means a brand new season of MTV’s Real World, this time set in prestigious Washington D.C. What kind of hijinx will these eight, fresh and adorable youngsters get themselves into? What life lessons can we all vicariously learn from this season? We’ll just have to wait and see together!

 

Season 23 begins by introducing us to Ashley, a self-certified Obamanator who is a diehard patriot comforted by her passport. And, much like most Americans, has never used it. Her home video has this electric aura but leaves me with this sense of a young woman who takes herself (and others) way too seriously. Our next housemate is Mike, a certified hottie from Colorado. My initial impression is he’s the all-American boy next door: ruggedly handsome, a bit goofy, but the kind of guy you’d just love to bring home to Mom… or Dad.

 

Cut to the obligatory airport scene, complete with a quick zoom on baggage claim and this Real World season is officially underway! Ashley and Mike meet, hug, and immediately form a tenuous bond that will last possibly tens of episodes. But we’re all familiar with this template, so on to the next!

 

Andrew is suave, debonair, and from his interesting style and presumptuous attitude, I feel as though I’ve met the love child of Chet (Real World: Brooklyn) and Ryan (Real World: Cancun). The kid is a goofball and makes no allusions otherwise to his playful, at times presumptuous and offensive, nature. A budding cartoonist and a wannabe ladies man, Andrew might just be the one we love to hate this season. Now we meet Emily, the unfortunate soul lucky girl who is paired up with our D.C. playboy. Coming from an “oppressive upbringing”, she is living life to the fullest. A self-proclaimed adrenaline junkie, this bubbly young lady is adorable, and somewhat reminds me of Alyssa Milano.

 

Andrew, being the romantic schemer, is incapable of remembering his own name upon first meeting Emily. Their cab ride is filled with laughter and Andrew lying “joking” about being a cage fighter, and Emily believing him. Seriously? The kid is 110lbs, and that’s with change in his left pocket. He’s also an apparent sky-diving instructor. Nothing says “I’m trustworthy” like beginning your friendship with lies!

 

Wandering the parks of D.C. is Callie, a good ol’ Texan girl who, in spite of being a vegan, is a Republican. Uh-oh, a Republican and a Democrat in the house? And it’s in D.C.? Looks like the production company went out of their way to spoon-feed us this season’s dramatic setup. Callie is having difficulty reading the map and is getting lost. Maybe Miss South California was right, we need more maps! Callie loves photography, but doesn’t know if she can be successful in that career. After all, no one has ever been successful as a photographer. You have to be kidding me.

 

Now it’s time to meet Token Ty! It is truly a shame that Ty has to be this season’s token black persona. I can’t put my finger on it but right from the get go I really like him. He is adopted and, apparently like everyone this season, comes from a rough past. In spite of that past, however, he goes on to graduate from college and is aggressively trying to find his way in the world. Ty looks like the “take no nonsense” kind of guy and I can appreciate that.

 

Next up, we have Erika. With a “k” because she’s a rebel. She’s also a musician with a boyfriend (I’m having a flashback to Real World: Hollywood and Sarah’s boyfriend), who trusts her implicitly. Erika’s ideal type is the rocker guy, with tattoos, and piercings.

So of course, our next housemate is Josh who in addition to looking like he just stepped off the set of Tool Academy is a rocker type with tattoos and piercings. He also has a girlfriend. Oh, he’s from South Philly too. He too has a rough upbringing, which includes blah, blah, blah. First Ryan (Real World: Brooklyn), then Ryan (Real World: Cancun), and now Josh. Evidently, the “troubled musician” archetype is the new “disturbed writer”.

 

Now that we’ve been introduced to our rambunctious youngsters, we move on to The Real World: Washington D.C. house! Replete with a mock oval office, a bed in the phone room (I predict juicy drama centering on that room), and the colored rooms with various presidents hanging over them, this house is beyond fabulous. As we know, historically the first mistake many Real World kids make is bunking up with the person you were initially introduced to. These bonds are oftentimes superficial and will almost always result later in anger or tears.

 

Ashley takes the Lincoln bedroom and pleas with Mike to shack up with her. The next housemate to arrive is a very lost Callie. Ashley, in a cruel moment, wants to make Callie think she has arrived at the wrong house and convinces Mike to go along with the plan. Maybe her predatory Republican sense is tingling, but I still find it a mean way to begin your several-month-long relationship with a housemate. Granted her plan failed as Callie can obviously see the cameraman filming her and after brushing it all off is given a tour of the house. Callie wastes no time picking the Reagan bed. Classic.

 

Our favorite au pair, Andrew and Emily arrive at the house next. With the other three housemates tinkering in the basement, Andrew and Emily assume they are the first ones to arrive at the house. After discovering they are not the first housemates more chatter and room assignments ensue. Andrew, hilariously, goes straight for the JFK bed. I wonder if that irony is lost on him.

 

Josh and Erika arrive on scene, are introduced, and a housemate wonders where oh where is our token black man? Please production; can we please have our token black man? Fret not, for Ty is here! Now that the whole Apple Dumpling Gang is together, they waste no time discussing politics, religion, and sexuality. Growing up, I was always told never to discuss religion or politics with strangers; both are fundamental beliefs a person holds and the odds of two strangers agreeing on either is astronomically slim. I guess the D.C. cast was never given that lesson or decided to forgo the formalities and jump right into the thick of things. The conversation continues and Emily admits to once being interested in women. The housemates think nothing of it, and decide to head out for food.

 

Cut to obligatory shower scene and the group getting dressed.

 

At the dinner table, Mike comes out to the group as bisexual. The Scooby gang is shocked and surprised, in spite of Emily’s pointedly anticlimactic revelation about her own sexuality. Mike, in his defense, points out that his church is very accepting which turns the discussion toward religion. Ty asserts his realist beliefs that there is no God which offends the delicate sensibilities of Mike and Ashley. Ashley is starting to prove herself as the highly opinionated and vocal one in the house, turning the bon mot into a heated debate. Is it just me or is she the kind of girl you just want to shove down a flight of stairs at the end of the day?

As the night comes to a close, the confessionals begin. Production alleges that the confessionals are soundproof, and having lived in a Real World house, that room is sacrosanct. The confessional room is a place for people to be able to express their feelings or beliefs without fear of housemates overhearing. Erika and Callie, in an act which can only be described as trifling or trick activity, eavesdrop on Josh’s confessional. Shockingly, they overhear that Josh has a kindergarten crush on Erika! Well, color me surprised.

As a result of Erika’s discovery and Ty’s personal spiritual beliefs, Erika decides to evict Ty from Callie’s room so the girls can bunk together. Does the bitchassness know no bounds? Ty, understandably upset, agrees to the move under the condition that Erika move his stuff.

 

Later Mike sits down with Ty to have a heart-to-heart. Here again, we see a classic Real World villain move: two individuals are having a serious conversation, working toward a resolution, and a third party sits in and, uninvited, interjects their opinion. Surprise, surprise it’s Ashley. And she again is demanding that Ty respect her. How she goes about this is talking over him and asking if “he is done” talking. Quite a rude, if interesting, way to earn someone’s respect.

 

Meanwhile, Emily finally figures out that Andrew was lying about his cage fighting career, and feels as though her trust has been “violated”. Here’s a thought, have you tried not being gullible? That may serve you much better in life. The episode draws to a close with Mike, Emily, and Andrew laughing jovially.

 

And so there you have it! This season of the Real World promises to be filled with same pedantic melodrama we’ve all come to know and love. Join me every week as I follow Ashley, Mike, Emily, Andrew, Ty, Callie, Erika, and Josh on their life journey through our nation’s capital.

 

 

 

The Real World: Brooklyn airs Wednesdays at 10pm ET on MTV.

 

(Image courtesy of MTV)

 

 

Follow Katelynn at twitter.com/k8mnstr

 

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