by David McAlpine

 

Last week on Dancing With the Stars, Debi Mazar and Maksim Chmerkovskiy made their exit after my personal dreams were crushed when Tom DeLay decided to take himself out of the competition due to a foot injury.

 

Tonight, the show is debuting four (yes, four) new dances: the Charleston, the bolero, the lambada…and the country two-step? I’m always skeptical, but I’m intrigued. I mean, these stars are already putting themselves at risk for national embarrassment, why not help them out a little? To the performances!

 

Celebrity: Chuck Lidell

Professional Partner: Anna Trebunskaya

Dance: Two-Step

Song: “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” by Brooks & Dunn

Breakdown: I’ll give him credit, he did really well on the lifts. But he’s a UFC champion, of course he’s going to be able to lift a tiny dancer into the air. But the two-step was not his dance, especially since it looked like it required so much footwork. I think I’ve realized how little grace Chuck really has, and it’s really starting to show now that everyone has gotten better technically.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 6 Len: 5 Bruno: 6 Total: 17/30

 

Celebrity: Melissa Joan Hart

Professional Partner: Mark Ballas

Dance: Charleston

Song: “Charleston” by Bob Wilson & the Varsity Rhythm Boys

Breakdown: Week after week, I’m really pulling for Melissa Joan Hart. Maybe it’s because I grew up with her on Clarissa Explains it All, or I really liked her in that movie “Drive Me Crazy,” but I just feel some sort of fandom for her. So when I saw her come out on stage with Mark Ballas, him wearing a fake mustache, I was worried this is the week that it would come to a crashing halt for her. However, I was totally wrong. The Melissa we saw tonight was like nothing we’ve seen for the last three weeks—she comes right out and performs the hell out of the dance! The judges love it, and she even gets a 10 from Bruno.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 9 Len: 9 Bruno: 10 Total: 28/30

 

Celebrity: Natalie Coughlin

Professional Partner: Alec Mazo

Dance: Bolero

Song: “Better in Time” by Leona Lewis

Breakdown: I honestly feel bad for the couples that have the bolero this week because I doubt many people watching at home have any idea what that dance involves. People have some idea about the other three dances, but this one is just kind of a mystery. In rehearsal, it seems like they’re falling apart because they both want it so bad, but their choreography comes off very well when they actually perform it. The judges thought it was great as well, but they could see Natalie struggling to keep up with Alec. Oh, and Bruno called her Sharon Stone, which I’m not quite sure is a compliment…

Scores: Carrie Ann: 8 Len: 8 Bruno: 8 Total: 24/30

 

Celebrity: Aaron Carter

Professional Partner: Karina Smirnoff

Dance: Lambada

Song: “Dr. Beat” by Gloria Estefan

Breakdown: I love when the pros come up with some grand idea that would work really great, then the stars really can’t do it. Unfortunately for these two, this is the case. Karina wants Aaron to do some crazy gymnastics, something it doesn’t seem like he’s cut out for. He tries to pull it off on the live show, and it just comes off as downright sad. Some of the moves stand out, but the entire dance lacks cohesion and character. The judges nail Aaron for trying too hard and really punish him in the scoring.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 6 Len: 6 Bruno: 6 Total: 18/30

 

Celebrity: Mark Dacascos

Professional Partner: Lacey Schwimmer

Dance: Two-Step

Song: “Nothin’ Better to Do” by LeAnn Rimes

Breakdown: I’m not really sure why Lacey was focusing this week on getting Mark to loosen up when the two-step isn’t really that kind of dance, but I can see how it kind of worked. In the past couple weeks, he’s been lacking a certain fluidity which he seems to have gotten better at. It’s also very clear that his confidence is better because he seems happier on the dance floor. It still wasn’t really up to par, and the judges agreed.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 8 Len: 7 Bruno: 7 Total: 22/30

 

Celebrity: Kelly Osbourne

Professional Partner: Louis van Amstel

Dance: Charleston

Song: “(Life is a) Cabaret” by Liza Minelli

Breakdown: I’m really hoping Kelly is on the up and up, too, especially after these last couple of weeks, where her confidence has clearly been shaken. I’m worried about her tonight because this dance requires a lot of performance value and Melissa nailed hers, so the pressure is really on. Surprisingly, Kelly had earned the lead role for “Chicago” on Broadway, but couldn’t carry it through because she couldn’t dance—now’s her chance to show them wrong. She’s a little clunky in the movements, but it’s a really good effort.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 8 Len: 7 Bruno: 8 Total: 23/30

 

Celebrity: Joanna Krupa

Professional Partner: Derek Hough

Dance: Lambada

Song: “Dançando Lambada” by Kaoma

Breakdown: Having the model do the lambada…how typical. Really, I think this dance is already playing to her strengths, as long as she can bring the sexy side out. And does it ever! It’s full of bumping and grinding and thrusting and sexy looks, and it leaves the judges only wanting more (and us, too). Derek was definitely on point tonight with his choreography, and the judges hint that that may be their pick for an encore.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 9 Len: 8 Bruno: 9 Total: 26/30

 

Celebrity: Donny Osmond

Professional Partner: Kym Johnson

Dance: Charleston

Song: “Put a Lid on It” by Squirrel Nut Zippers

Breakdown: After seeing the women perform this dance, the pressure is definitely on Donny, especially since he’s such a good performer. First, he brings up the Bruno thing from last week, which I’m sure we’d all prefer to drop and forget, instead. Then, he dances, which just seems average. It seemed like he was trying too hard to perform and not hard enough to be precise.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 8 Len: 8 Bruno: 8 Total: 24/30

 

Celebrity: Michael Irvin

Professional Partner: Anna Demidova

Dance: Bolero

Song: “One Day I’ll Fly Away” by Shirley Bassey

Breakdown: If anyone has to nail it tonight, it’s Michael, who was shown to be very much so on the cusp last week. Seeing that he has the bolero, though, I really have little to no hope for him. I’ll admit, his relationship with Anna seems a lot more natural this week, but she clearly tried to mask his poor dancing skills with a lot of her own choreography, which the judges did not let fly. Len, however, seems satisfied with the improvement.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 5 Len: 6 Bruno: 5 Total: 16/30

 

Celebrity: Louie Vito

Professional Partner: Chelsie Hightower

Dance: Two-Step

Song: “Sweet Home Alabama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Breakdown: Not going to lie, I see this as totally playing to their demographic. I can’t blame them for it, because it’s pretty evident Louie can’t dance, so he’s going to need all the votes he can get. Seriously, as many as he can. He once again shows that too much thinking leads to no performing, because his feet don’t move that much, even in a dance that shouldn’t require that much movement.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 5 Len: 5 Bruno: 6 Total: 16/30

 

Celebrity: Mya

Professional Partner: Dmitry Chaplin

Dance: Lambada

Song: “Aint It Funny” by Jennifer Lopez

Breakdown: Will Mya and Dmitry ever be able to please Len? That’s their goal tonight as the close the show with a sexy number fit for the finale. The choreography is solid, their passion is clearly there and you can feel the heat from the dance. And all Len can say is that his expectations were very high this week, and he was hoping to see more from them. I guess there goes another week without a perfect 30 from these two.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 10 Len: 8 Bruno: 10 Total: 28/30

 

Be sure to tune in tomorrow night at 9/8c for the live results show to see which couples are in the bottom and who will be the next pair eliminated from the competition, only on Dancing With the Stars on ABC!

 

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

 

Follow David at: http://www.twitter.com/davidmcalpine

 

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