by David McAlpine

Last week on The Bachelorette, Jillian finally woke up to the largest pink elephant in the room that the show has probably ever had, and eliminated Wes from the competition. Now, Jillian plus the three final suitors, Ed, Kiptyn and Reid, head off to Maui for a series of steamy, alcohol-fueled nights that end in one more guy’s heart getting broken.

Kiptyn’s date is first, and he seems noticeably more excited about it than he has the past two weeks. Has it just taken him a while to warm up to the idea of being with Jillian? Perhaps he felt uncomfortable in front of his parents (I mean, with a mom like that, I would have, too), and in a foreign country. Either way, he and Jillian take on a ropes course, because she wants to see how adventurous he can be. Jillian clearly hasn’t been on a ropes course before because it seems like she can’t get over the fact that she’s 30+ feet in the air, but Kiptyn helps her through the whole thing.

Final test: they each have to climb a very tall and very narrow pole, then jump off of it towards a trapeze bar. Jillian has a hard time getting on top (zing!), and has an even harder time controlling her high-pitched noises. Despite this, Kiptyn encourages her enough to get up, then it’s time to jump. Jillian fails miserably and ends up just stepping off, while Kiptyn is able to grab hold of the bar—perhaps it’s a metaphor that he really is too good for her?

At dinner, Kiptyn finally finds a flaw: he’s very impatient. Well, where’s the impatience when it comes to Jillian? Hm, I think that’s sign number two that he’s just not that into her. He does assure Jillian that he doesn’t have any doubts right now, which makes her happy. Happy enough, in fact, to pull out the Fantasy Suite invitation (yep, there’s another round of this) and agree to spend the night with Kiptyn.

The next day, Jillian meets up with Reid and the two take a helicopter ride. Since this show doesn’t seem to progress very fast, Jillian is still really worried that Reid isn’t ready for marriage, even though she can see herself with him. His commitment issues come up again, and he acts just as indecisive as he always has.

The meaningless answers continue through dinner as Jillian presses harder for those answers that she’s always talking about that she needs, but can never seem to find. Then she breaks out the proposal word and you can practically see the sirens flashing in Reid’s head that are telling him to get the hell out of this situation, but he plays it cool, anyway. After all, Jillian claims that even though Reid isn’t saying what she wants to hear, she knows he actually means it. No, Jillian, I think that’s just denial. Jillian then invites Reid back to the Fantasy Suite as well, which surprises me, considering I thought only one guy got the opportunity per episode…guess I thought this show was more wholesome than it was.

The last date for Jillian is with Ed on a yacht in the ocean. Jillian brings up the fact that she hasn’t met his family yet, and Ed whines about being disadvantaged because he chose to leave. But then Ed tries to make up for it by telling Jillian that he (or, rather ABC) flew out his parents to Maui to meet her, which elicits several inaudible squeals.

The initial meeting between Jillian, Ed and his parents seems really uncomfortable, to the point that I think this is the end of the line for Ed. He almost seems embarrassed that he’s subjecting his parents to this, but the truth comes out when his mother pulls Jillian aside and his father directly questions him about being on the show. It’s evident that his father is not for this whole reality TV dating thing and he doesn’t want to see Ed hurt. Jillian and his mom chit chat, then things get real when she talks to his father one-on-one and he gets emotional. Could it be that Jillian and Ed just aren’t meant to be?

The date goes from bad to worse as the moment that many of the viewers have been waiting for since the season preview after Episode 1 have been waiting for: someone can’t get it up for Jillian. And that someone turns out to be Ed. From the get-go of their Fantasy Suite date, Ed looks absolutely petrified. Is he scared he’s going to disappoint her? Does he not want to fall in love with her because he’s afraid of what will happen? Either way, he doesn’t look on his game at all.

The light in their room goes out…then back on. Jillian’s excuse: they were hot and sunburned and exhausted and the moment just wasn’t there. Truth: Ed couldn’t get excited for her and she wants to continue her long string of convenient denials on national television.

Before the Rose Ceremony, Jillian watched videos that each of the final contestants made for her. They all talked about how much they liked her, how they wanted to stay, etc., but Ed’s seemed more heartfelt than the other two, and yet Jillian seemed the least enthused. Is she really going to let one bad night let her get rid of a great guy who came back for her? Obviously she might, because she asks Ed for some time to talk, which looks like it genuinely hurts Reid and Kiptyn.

Jillian grills Ed about the actions of the previous night and tries to get him to confirm her delusional explanation as to why what happened actually happened. Translation: I can’t handle not having a sex life, so let me know now if that’s not going to happen. He uses the “external factors” excuse, but tells her not to worry.

When she gets back to the rose podium, though, it looks like she has a lot to worry about, because now she has three guys who are very much into her, and only two roses. The first one, after a really long pause, goes to Kiptyn. The final rose, after an even longer pause, goes to...Ed! Maybe my hometown hero can pull it off after all. Jillian walks Reid to the limo, saying something about making sacrifices that she didn’t want to make (which we all knew to begin with, because so far, everything has been about her). Reid says in the limo that he wishes he’d told her that he loves her and my heart breaks for him, because it’s evident he really did care for Jillian.

Tune in to ABC next Monday at 8/7c to the Bachelorette special: Men Tell All, where we get to hear from Wes, Jake, Tanner and all our favorites from this season, plus get an update on Scumbag and Upchuck (a.k.a. Jason and Molly—who looks even worse as a brunette). Then, two weeks from tonight, at 8/7c, Jillian deals with last minute drama and eventually hands out her final rose—will it be a happy ending?

(Image courtesy of ABC)

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