By David McAlpine



Last week on The Bachelorette, things got heated in the house: romantically between Ed and Jillian, figuratively between David and Juan, and literally between Tanner and...Jillian's foot?

This week, the madness continues after David realizes he was narrowly saved by Jillian. This translates into his complaining about how little one-on-one time he's had with her (then cue sexual suggestiveness). Looks like someone took their first impression rose a little too much for granted, eh?

The guys find out they'll be going to Vancouver and spending the rest of their time on the show in Canada until the hometown dates (which, given this group of guys, seems a long way off). The men arrive at their huge suite in Vancouver and, since it's not the AM anymore, they start drinking with Jillian (I mean really, would this be The Bachelorette without it?). There, Jillian gives them an envelope inviting Kiptyn on an individual date (I smell heated romantic encounters!).

Kiptyn and Jillian meet up for dinner, but they obviously have to go shopping before, right? So they do it Canadian style: they go kayaking first. That so would have occurred to me if I lived in Vancouver, you know? Then they hit the actual grocery store (one I would have driven to) and buy some food.

Unexpectedly, Juan now starts complaining about the fact that none of the men like him. He claims it's because of David's influence (or his influence under the influence?), but Jake fires back, telling Juan that he's too much of a leech. Ouch.

Kiptyn and Jillian continue to gush over how great each other are and how much they love helping other people. They talk about their biggest turn ons (Kiptyn's is spontaneity, Jillian's is...Kiptyn), Kiptyn exposes his downside (taking risks), then they kiss. A lot. I still think Jake is the best fit for Jillian, but Kiptyn has quickly become my #2.

David, Ed, Jake, Jesse, Juan, Michael, Reid, Robby, Tanner and Wes find out they'll all be going on one group date: curling! Jeez, these Canadian activites just keep getting more and more exciting, you know? That means Mark and Mike (the two wallflowers of the cast) are headed on the last date, where one will get a rose and one is headed home. Tension!

Back to Jillian and Kiptyn, where Kiptyn gets a rose (wow, shocker). They giggle and kiss more. As if that really needed its own scene?

For the group date, Jillian shows up in full "Vancouver 2010 gear," which makes me wonder how deep ABC has to claw to get money for this show. Apparently, the guys and her (well, just the guys plus her watching) will be curling for a chance to hang out with her that night. Great Jillian moment: she tells the guys she wants them to tie, then cut to her telling us that she couldn't wait to only be with half of them. Scandalous.

Ed, Michael, Reid, Tanner and Wes end up on a team against Dave and Juan (please, please let them win so they can fight in front of Jillian), plus Jake, Robby and Jesse. The game is fairly sped up since it's clear none of the guys can curl, so instead we hear Michael talking a lot about her in spandex.

All of a sudden, Jesse steps up and delivers a throw (well, slide?) right into the center of the target and Michael fails to knock his stone out, giving the win to Jesse's team. Confused? Wikipedia curling and it becomes a little more clear.

David, Jake, Jesse, Juan and Robby get on a boat for some alcohol (of course) and crab, then comes the cycle of one-on-one time. Jake is first, who Jillian claims is "too perfect." WHAT? If he's too perfect, then you pick him, duh. Plus, Jake is modest about it, which does make him too perfect. Jesse hits Jillian in the face with his hat, then it's David's turn, where he eyes Jillian like a piece of meat that he can't wait to eat. He leans in for a kiss and gets shut out, which pisses him off. Apparently he thought since he's heard everyone else has gotten a kiss, he deserves one, too. Smooth. And he looks even more angry when he doesn't get the rose, but instead Jesse does.

Mike and Mark meet up with Jillian for their two-on-one date, and finally America gets to see Mike more than just his slick looks and Mark more than his "pizza topping" theory about love. They all get in a helicopter and head to a mountain for a tension-filled dinner. Oh, the drama!

Neither one of the guys can contain their excitement, as they both sit at dinner awkwardly silent. Both get their chance at alone time, but Mark really hits a home run when he explains just how guarded he is to Jillian (so it all makes sense now, right?). Mike, who has barely talked to her, tries to pitch that he's already falling for her, which earns him a trip back home.

Now it's drink and last ditch effort time as the tension starts to build at the cocktail party. Reid starts mentioning that some guys are here for the wrong reasons (that's only the 50th time we've heard that this season), then cue the example: Wes. Wes tells Jillian that he's ready to settle down and have kids, while Tanner claims Wes has a girlfriend...or, well, at least a girl that Wes still likes. Everyone is hating on Wes and his music, while Wes continues to schmooze Jillian.

The guys make their rounds with Jillian, hoping that they can secure themselves a rose. Juan oozes cheesy out of his mouth for a few minutes, then comes the shocker: Tanner tells Jillian that someone in the house has a girlfriend. Now Jillian is pissed and she's determined to smoke them out (as if she can get them to fess up).

Jillian lets the whole group know that the party is over because she wants answers, but, of course, no one says anything. Instead, most of the guys are fuming that one of the guys ruined their chance to get some alone time with Jillian.

Jillian tries to reason it out with Chris, the host, who is really good at pretending like he's helping out. All Jillian can say is the obvious (that it's terrible and confusing), then she tries to guilt it out of the guys. All of them say they have nothing to do with it, and Wes is able to keep a completely straight face. Mystery unsolved.

David then comes up with the bright idea to ask Jillian who told her the rumor and that perhaps that guy should be sent home for lying. Flash to Tanner, who is now sweating bullets and averting from everyone's gaze and the guys look around, hoping that someone steps forward. Tanner keeps snapping at Juan for looking at him (though Juan really means no harm) and it's obvious he's nervous, but Jillian decides not to tell. Instead, she takes a break, collects herself, and makes up her mind.

Along with Kiptyn, Jesse and Mark, Jillian has seven roses to give out, eliminating two. Ed, Jake, Michael, Reid, Robby, Tanner and Wes all receive roses, knocking enemies Juan and David out at the same time. It's evident that David's ego is hurt, because he asks Jillian why on the way out in his oh-so-intimidating way. Instead of telling him that he's a creep, however, she politely shrugs and tells him it just didn't work.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.

(Image courtesy of ABC)

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