By Andy Sloan

It's another week of Survivor, meaning another date with you, me and a computer screen! We have a healthy relationship but it'll only get better if you sass me out in the comments. So get social!

Welcome back to the classiest Survivor blog in all the land, where like Kelly I have zero impact on each week's challenge. I sit in my room eating a cheeseburger and she sits in Survivor not being able to win an immunity challenge thrown to her. It's a tough life we live Kelly.

This week was fast, furious and filled with sea turtles. Lets waddle our way to the ocean with this episode's top 5 takeaways!

1. To Shirin or not to Shirin
Following Max's elimination, Shirin has to buckle down, figuratively and literally pull her pants up and weave her way back into the game. In my interview with Max last week, he explains why exactly Carolyn didn't trust him and Shirin, really clarifying the dynamic between Shirin and Carolyn this episode. If you didn't read the interview, go check it out!

Of course, Survivor throws in a mushy story from Shirin's past so NOW I LIKE HER AGAIN. I'm a sucker for the underdog and Shirin is definitely a good person and Survivor dork, which I'm all for. Just keep your pants on and leave the monkey sex discussions to the monkeys.

2. Be Thankful Your Not a Turtle
At the reward, teams must run through a small obstacle course and launch balls at platforms across the field. Ultimately, Nagarote throws down a win and off to the sea turtles they go! I think we can all agree that we're thankful for not being sea turtles. I can personally guarantee you that I'd be in the 99% of sea turtles that never make it to the ocean.

Is this offensive to the sea turtle population? Maybe.

3. Bash Brothers are Born
At the Escameca camp, Rodney and Joaquin #Bromance it up because Rodney can't relate to someone like Mike who hasn't had sex in 8 years. He needs someone who "works hard and plays harder." Mmk Rodney.

Along with the Rodney/Joaquin duo is Tyler (yes he's alive hasn't disappeared into the island) who comes with Joaquin. With a close-knit 3, pulling 1 person into the mix would clinch a tribe majority. Of course that person is Sierra who hates Rodney.. But HEY. Sierra also hates Dan so no worries! Equal hate to go around.

4. Doing the Kelly
First off, WHO GAVE CAROLYN SUNGLASSES? I'm guessing they're prescription glasses but these people are sweating 2 week old dirt off their body and Carolyn's rolling up to immunity rockin' shades. What is this world they live in?

More importantly, Mike decides to throw immunity to save Kelly from heading to tribal. Unlike past seasons, I completely agree with Mike and this was a genius move on his part. To someone who has no perception of the other tribe, Kelly could potentially be the next to go. Mike's position is strong enough on Escameca that losing 1 challenge doesn't hurt him, but actually helps him.

HOWEVER, Kelly cannot win the damn immunity challenge. It was kind of embarrassing to watch Mike's acting, not going to lie. I blame Kelly for making us see that! Pull yourself together woman!

5. Bromance Blindside

Well, Mike gets his wish and Escameca books a 1-night ticket straight to tribal. Going into Jeff's home base, we have Rodney, Joaquin and Tyler against Mike, Dan and Joe. In the middle sits Sierra who's wavering on both sides.

Let me set up the scene for you and say what Sierra SHOULD'VE done. Rodney, Joaquin and Tyler want out Joe. Mike and Dan want to break up Rodney/Joaquin and Joe just doesn't want to go. Both sides approach Sierra asking for her help. BUT OH WAIT, Dan's an idiot, Rodney thinks he knows everything and Sierra hates them both. Plus the alliance between Mike, Rodney and Dan still could exist.

Therefore, if I was Sierra, WHY NOT say to Mike and Dan that you'll vote with them IF they vote out Rodney. That way she breaks up the Blue Collars that betrayed her and now Joaquin would have no ally outside of White Collar, but Sierra. It'd be a win-win.

But, Sierra ultimately sides with Mike, Dan and Joe, sparing Joe and sending Joaquin straight to snuffing 101 with Jeff Probst.

That's all the Survivor we have for you today! Next week it's MERGE WEEK, so get pumped for a recap 4 dayyzz! Which alliance do you think will take control? Who do you think will be the first one out?

Photo credit: CBS