by Kylene Hamulak

 

The drama on Dance Moms continues as Abby Lee keeps the girls on their toes about who will get to dance on The View.

 

What's the pyramid look like in New York City? Mackenzie remains on the bottom. I sort of wish Abby would throw a curve ball and move her up, even though she didn't dance. Nia and Asia join her for an out-of-sync duet, and Brooke is there too. For her stink face.

 

Paige is in the middle for being invisible, and Kendall is third for basically the same reason. Joining them? Maddie. Doesn't matter that she's good. She's not good ENOUGH. So who's at the top "taking a bite out of the Big Apple?" Chloe, for the first time this season!

 

Everyone's performing in the group routine for the competition, with solos going to Asia, Chloe, Maddie, and Kendall. That's not really the point right now though. The only thing we want to know is WHO is doing The Last Text on The View: Mackenzie or Asia?

 

Uh oh - Abby tells Asia she's doing the routine, and Melissa still thinks Mackenzie should be the one in it because she's been part of the team since the beginning. Abby is still punishing Mackenzie for her/Melissa's claims about her injured foot, but if you think Melissa's gonna let this happen without a fight, you haven't been watching Dance Moms.

 

Now, the thing you need to remember is that Abby is the master manipulator in this dance studio. She pulls Mackenzie aside and is basically like, "Your mom sucks." Basically. She tells her that Melissa is just letting Asia take her spot and that people are going to forget about her when they see how amazing Asia is. Don't worry, Mackenzie - we've got all this on tape, which should move therapy along very nicely in a couple years.

 

Speaking of crazy....Candy Apple Cathy is in New York too! She's brought her boys and will be competing against Abby Lee Dance Company. She tells her team about how Abby thinks she's a joke and a hack job without a nice studio, at which point one of her dance moms gives a slight nod that says, "Welllll...Abby's got a point on that last one. We could really use a Keurig machine in the studio." To make her team extra competitive, she'll be holding open auditions for Contemporary dancers.

 

Meanwhile, back at Abby Lee, Melissa is interrogating Mackenzie. "What did you say? I'm an 8 year old kid, what am I supposed to do?" asks Melissa. "Not me," replies Mackenzie. "She wants you." Figure it out, Melissa.

 

So Melissa confronts Abby. And you know what she learns? She learns that Abby doesn't want Mackenzie because she dances "like a little kid" and is too short. In other words...MACKENZIE IS EIGHT YEARS OLD.

 

"Abby has always told me that she wants my kids to stay as cute as long as they can. I don't want my daughter to be sassy onstage at age 8. Not at all," Melissa tells us.

 

Let's talk about the Candy Apples dance auditions. Mostly...let's talk about Vivi, who is part of the judging panel and was probably promised a New York pretzel or something for appearing. Cathy tells the girls they'll have to dazzle Vivi. Good luck with that, girls.

 

Group after group comes through, but Candy Apple Cathy isn't seeing what she wants. It's hard work, she claims. Vivi is hungry. I TOLD YOU THIS GIRL WAS WORKING FOR THE SNACKS! Then another group comes in, and the boy version of Vivi is leading the pack.

 

His name is Charles. Cathy is skeptical that he's a dancer, considering he looks more like the kind of kid you'd see crashing his bike in the neighbor's driveway. Sometimes, when he gets mad, he likes to dance because it pumps him up. Dance is how he likes to express himself. It's not really...a particular style. So did Cathy find any new Candy Apples? Yeah, she picked a girl she thinks Abby's seen before, and she's hoping Abby is jealous that she got her.

 

If anyone thought there was a chance Skinny Kristie was just a stage mom and not an UBER DANCE MOM, you best forget those falsehoods right now. She's bought a card with a giant pink elephant on it that is literally almost as big as her daughter for Asia to sign and present to Abby as a thank you for letting her dance. Abby thinks it's a thoughtful gift and appreciates the time and energy she put into it. Abby? She SIGNED her name. It didn't take that much energy.

 

"There's a pink elephant in the room, and for once it's not Abby!" says Christi.

 

Sidenote: Since Abby is preoccupied with Asia, Kelly is going to be a "momager" this week and take her girls out to pursue other opportunities.

 

Where does Vivi go after a hard day of hanging out with Candy Apple Cathy? Junior's, of course! Personally, I would've ordered the matzoh ball soup, but Vivi's got her eyes on the raspberry cheesecake. Cathy wants to chat about New York, so Viv tells her that it's hard to get a taxi and your feet hurt when you have to walk everywhere, but she likes the shopping...and the pizza. That's our girl!

How about Victoria? Cathy wants the dirt. "She seems nice," says Vivi. "Oh, have you had a moment to talk?" asks Cathy. "No, not really. But she seems like she's probably nice," replies Vivi.

 

Cathy's annoyed that Vivi is making "rabbit noses" at her. Well, she's stuffed up! She's got a cold! Which you might have noticed if you weren't so busy casting apples! She tries to teach her how to blow her nose, but Vivi is all, "Bitch, PLEASE. I know how to blow my nose." Sort of.

 

And then Cathy goes there. She wants to know if Vivi thinks Jaylen is cute (nope), and if she would like him as a boyfriend (hell no), and WHY she wouldn't want him as a boyfriend. Oh....maybe because she's 8?! Can you imagine Abby having this conversation with Brooke?

 

"Well, I think he's pretty doggone cute," says Cathy. "I think you guys make a cute couple." To which Vivi replies with dagger eyes as she debates what's more important: finishing her cheesecake or stabbing her mother with the fork. She chooses the cheesecake.

 

Over at The View, the girls are rehearsing their performance, with Abby swapping Asia and Mackenzie in and out to see who is going to step it up, though several of the girls are "humiliating" Abby at this point. Meanwhile backstage, the Moms are going at it. Skinny Kristie and Original Christi are both fighting Melissa, specifically whether or not she knows who will be in the number.

 

Abby takes her spot at the table with Whoopi and the crew while the moms watch from the green room. They're surprised to find out that most of the hosts seem to actually like Abby! Performance time rolls around, and as the girls head to the stage, a decision STILL hasn't been made. Really? Don't these kids need time to mentally prepare in addition to stretching?

 

Standing backstage, Abby tells Mackenzie she's decided to send her out for the dance, while Asia will go out with her to close the show. She also tells Mackenzie that the next time she's hurt, Abby will be going to the doctor with her because she thinks Melissa lied. And also? Asia didn't correct what she was doing wrong, despite being told three times.

 

As Christi says, once Mackenzie popped up into her cartwheel, all was right in Melissa's little world.

 

Candy Apple Cathy is rehearsing with her girl and the boys, and she thinks they're going to rock Abby's world. The routine for competition will be Dia de los Muertos. Abby is giving the closest thing she's got to a pep talk to the ALDC girls, telling them that the performance was great, but now it's time to move forward.

 

Get ready for the showdown, folks...

 

Dance Moms airs Tuesday at 9/8c on Lifetime!

 

(Image Courtesy of Lifetime)

 

Follow Kylene on Twitter at @keepingupwithky!