by Kylene Hamulak

 

Dancing With the Stars is back with the highly anticipated ALL STARS edition, and I can't wait to see what these couples bring to the dance floor. Tom's intro calls it "the best of the best," but I'd like to add a footnote - it should say "the best of the best...and Pam Anderson." I mean, 11 of the 13 stars made it to the finals. One of the two who didn't was Sabrina, who appears now as the fan favorite.

 

The other? Pam.

 

But I digress. One more note: because they expect the competition to be fierce for this season, the judges will be scoring with the addition of half-points as well, just to make it more precise. And more interesting. Who wants to see 10 weeks of perfect scores?

 

Let's take this to the ballroom.

 

Team: Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson
Dance: Cha Cha
Ok, first dancer up, first confession: I was, am, and always will be a massive *NSYNC fan. I'm not even a little bit ashamed about it, and the only way I could be more excited to see Joey on DWTS again would be if Lance was there too (or if my favorite - JC - shows up in the audience). Joey challenges Kym to begin with the hardest Cha Cha steps she can give him, and he seems determined to take whatever she can give him. On the dance floor, Joey and Kym start the show strong and they seem to be having so much damn fun out there, it's hard not to get excited about the show. It's a good performance, but good's not going to be enough in the All Stars edition - can't wait to watch Joey and Kym kick it up each week! Judges said:
7.0 - Len says it was overall a spectacular start; "I love watching you dance." He notes some posture and footwork issues, but, hey, it's week 1. We've got to have SOMETHING to work with!
7.0 - Bruno tells Joey, "You always bring it on and bring it large." He, too, notes some posture and footwork issues.
6.5 - Carrie Ann calls Joey one of her favorite showmen and says his number had great impact. And then Tom decided she was done, despite the fact that she was waving her arm around and clearly had more to add. (And she was clearly not happy with the interruption, but to that I say...how many Emmys have YOU won, Carrie Ann?)
TOTAL: 20.5

Team: Shawn Johnson and Derek Hough
Dance: Fox Trot
Shawn Johnson is adorable. There, I said it. It also seems like she can't talk without smiling. Formerly paired with Mark Ballas, she'll be dancing this season with Derek, and it'll be a chance for her to compete again since retiring from gymnastics earlier this year. Their Fox Trot is great, and I'm relieved to see a different side of Derek than his style with Maria last season. Judges said:
7.5 - Bruno says that the routine "was so fully loaded, it was like two dances for the price of one."
8.0 - Carrie Ann believes that Shawn delivered a perfect package - she loved it.
6.5 - Len doesn't think it felt like a Fox Trot - Bruno and Carrie Ann made similar comments, but Len is a bit more critical. However, having said that, he notes that Shawn is a great dancer.
TOTAL: 22

Team: Sabrina Bryan and Louie Van Amstel
Dance: Cha Cha Cha
Am I the only one who thought Sabrina was Mariah Carey when she got her "fan favorite" phone call? She and Louie are feeling a lot of pressure to continue her run where she left off when she was eliminated in Week 6 of Season 5, in what many consider to be the most shocking results in the history of the show. They're dancing to One Direction, so, like, even if she sucked, she'd be getting votes. She doesn't suck though - she clearly does NOT want to make an early exit. Even Nick Lachey is clapping for her...or maybe he's just clapping for the boy band music? Judges said:
7.5 - Carrie Ann declares Sabrina "on fire" and calls her incredible, warning her only not to over dance.
7.5 - Len agrees that it was clean and precise, but it needs finesse as well as impact. He likes it though - of the three dances so far, it's his favorite.
7.5 - Bruno tells her he's happy for her to be back, calling her "an unleashed fury on the dance floor," but does agree that she just needs to be careful with some of the missed passages.
TOTAL: 22.5

Team: Helio Castroneves and Chelsie Hightower
Dance: Fox Trot
Helio's back to dance, this time partially thanks to his adorable daughter, who he would prefer to be a dancer than a race car driver. Rehearsal is a little bit rougher for him than the previous dancers, but he's really the first All Star we've seen who doesn't come from a dancing background beyond the show. He's a champion for a reason though, and I barely notice his footwork with such a huge smile on his face. Judges said:
7.5 - Len tells Helio he should be proud of the performance and that it was a joy to watch, though he does point out a couple of small things that could use work.
7.0 - Bruno stole my critique! He notes that people are so busy watching the smile on his face, they may not have noticed the many mistakes his feet were making. He says he has style and charm and did well anyway.
7.0 - Carrie Ann suggests more body contact to help him with his leading, but agrees that his charisma makes him a joy to watch.
TOTAL: 21.5

Team: Pamela Anderson and Tristan McManus
Dance: Cha Cha Cha
I don't have high hopes for Pam lasting in the competition, and, because I adore Tristan, that makes me sad. It's even more of a tragedy if Tristan was going to be half dressed on a regular basis this season. When Tristan notes in rehearsal that the only thing they're missing is "timing...and actual steps," I know he and Pam are aware of the challenge as well. It's pretty much as expected when they hit the floor. On the bright side, I've seen worse Week 1 performances. Of course, those dancers hadn't already had TWO seasons (US Season 5 and the Argentinian version) of experience. Judges said:
6.0 - Bruno tells Pam that if she wants to go all the way, she has to put the work into it. He thinks she can do it, but she needs to work harder.
5.5 - Carrie Ann agrees, calling it a bit uncomfortable. "We love watching you - just come back strong."
5.5 - Len compares her to a kid riding a bike after the training wheels come off. "It was a bit shaky, but you didn't fall over, and you got through it."
TOTAL: 17

Team: Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani
Dance: Fox Trot
Melissa and Tony are ready to win this, pairing up again after their third place showing in Season 8. She came into that season as a late replacement, so the additional rehearsal time may be all she needs to be a real front-runner. Their routine (to "Hey Big Spender") is more theatrical than some of the others tonight, and I really liked it. Judges said:
7.0 - Carrie Ann compliments Melissa for her "exquisite lines" and extension and posture, but stresses that they need to have more body contact.
7.0 - Len says it was a little bit theatrical for him and the audience boos at him. Um, I can't boo because I don't disagree - it WAS theatrical. Where we disagree is that I enjoyed it more, though Len admits that he liked it.
7.0 - Bruno calls her "stronger, sassier, and sexier," but does say they need some more body contact. "Overall, excellent."
TOTAL: 21

Team: Apolo Anton Ohno and Karina Smirnoff
Dance: Cha Cha Cha
I hope some week Apolo is forced to shave off his soul patch. I'll vote for him that week. In rehearsal with Karina, we learn that he's a little rusty (unless he's just faking us all out) and that his partner is very detailed orientated. Their routine started in the dark, and I thought, "well, that's one way to avoid low scores I guess." Then the lights came up, and everything about the dance screamed "PARTY." Judges said:
7.0 - Len says it was probably more bronze than gold medal performance that could've used more hip action, but Apolo came out and "sold it."
7.5 - Bruno calls him a buzzing "eager beaver" ready to complete the task and commends him for his placement of his arms. He thinks it looked great.
7.5 - Carrie Ann asks, "Is it just me or did you get, like, 3000 times more sexy?" Carrie, he's wearing an electric blue shirt and pink leopard print suspenders...you probably should've saved your cougar comments for another week. She has some comments about the routine too, but mostly, "very nice."
TOTAL: 22

Team: Gilles Marini and Peta Murgatroyd
Dance: Fox Trot
Sorry guys - if there's an award for best looking couple on this show, I think we can just crown these two right now. No need to count the ballots. When these two take the floor for a fun but very classy routine, there's no question that Gilles and his new partner are major competitors for the mirror ball. It's all gorgeous. Judges said:
8.0 - Bruno describes it as "Style, panache, and finesse drenched with old-time Hollywood gloss and glamour. Technically so good...can I see it again?"
8.0 - Carrie Ann calls it "poetic and gorgeous." And then she made a reference to Jon Hamm that was confusing for me.
8.0 - Len says they did a terrific job, with sophistication and a great balance of steps. And then he grinned with pride.
TOTAL: 24

Team: Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas
Dance: Cha Cha Cha
Politics aside, it will be interesting to see Bristol's return to the dance floor. There won't be a lot of time for her to shake the nerves she admits to having when Mark meets her in Alaska to begin training. She certainly tries, and she does more than I probably would be able to, but it's still a little unnatural to watch her shimmy around. Judges said:
6.5 - Carrie Ann votes Bristol most improved and thinks her confidence is great, though she tells her to work on adding a little more pop to her lines.
6.5 - Len agrees that she has more confidence on the floor and has great legs, though her arms need to get more fluid. "Overall, it was a great improvement."
6.5 - Bruno offers the following: "Refreshed, revived, refurbished!" I'm not sure that's exactly what Bristol was going for, but he means it in all good ways. He echoes the concerns of the other judges to stay focused, but was happy with the routine.
TOTAL: 19.5

Team: Drew Lachey and Anna Trebunkskaya
Dance: Fox Trot
I'm one of the people who counts Drew's "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy" routine as my favorite of any season of the show. If not for the *NSYNC All Star, Drew would've been my favorite dancer coming into the show, so I'm excited to see him again. These two pair up well, and their routine looks great - he hasn't lost much since Season 2.
7.0 - Len liked it, but he has some criticisms for Drew, calling it hard and hectic.
7.5 - Bruno calls him "Dynamic Drew" and says he loved it.
7.0 - Carrie Ann is pleasantly surprised by Drew's posture and the routine but agrees that he needs to work on being firm, but not rigid.
TOTAL: 21.5

Team: Kelly Monaco and Val Chmerkovskiy
Dance: Cha Cha Cha
Kelly is also adorable. But she's a different kind of adorable than Shawn Johnson, as Val so politely notices when, in rehearsal, he tells Kelly, "You're just such a petite lady...and then you have these...." Yeah, you can complete that thought yourself, or Kelly will do it for you. Kelly never danced the Cha Cha Cha in her season, so she's at a bit of a disadvantage, but I think she plays it off well. And watching all that fringe swing back and forth, I can only wonder how she's not having flashbacks to her wardrobe malfunction. Judges said:
7.5 - Bruno says, "you were a stunner!" after reminding everyone of exactly what I just said about Kelly never dancing this style before. "Well done, Kelly my darling!"
7.0 - Carrie Ann is an equal opportunity hotness meter, pointing out the "insane chemistry" between Kelly and Val. Then she finished her critique with some weird, like, bird noises or something. Because she liked it that much.
7.0 - Len tells her to be careful of hunching her shoulders, but says he loved it.
TOTAL: 21.5

I'll say it a lot this season, but now seems as good a time as any to start - I can't, for the life of me, understand how judges can go crazy for a performance, then score it on par with other routines they didn't love as much. There, I've said it. Now on to the final couples.

 

Team: Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Dance: Fox Trot
It's hard to get a read on the dancing in Kirstie and Maks' rehearsals because they seem to be giving each other a hard time for most of it. It's playful though, so I take that as a positive sign - Maks doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd let you get away with it if you weren't still doing what he asked you to. Their routine is another dramatic one, and I think Kirstie does a great job with it. Judges said:
6.5 - Carrie Ann says that Kirstie tells a story with her whole body when she dances, and I think that's an accurate description in this routine especially. Even so, Carrie Ann thinks she can do better.
6.0 - Len thinks the routine needed refining and offers some suggestions of things for Kirstie to work on.
6.5 - Bruno appreciates that Kirstie is always emotive in her dances, but agrees with Len - there are some other details to concentrate on going forward. And then, in unrelated news, Kirstie gives Tom an Emmy congratulations kiss that caught everyone off guard.
TOTAL: 19

Team: Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke
Dance: Cha Cha Cha
Cheryl and Emmitt are teaming up again in the chase for the mirror ball, and I don't think anyone has seemed more excited than he is. That exuberance is part of the reason he did so well the first time around, and it makes him a force on the dance floor when he couples it with the dancing skills. Their performance would have fit in during the final weeks of any previous season - Emmitt clearly hasn't rusted at all since his time in the ballroom ended!
8.5 - Len says you can teach technique and mechanics, but you can't teach flair. "Last dance of the evening - and the best."
8.0 - Bruno calls it "the essence of uplifting fun."
8.0 - Carrie Ann exclaims "Yabba Dabba Doooooo!" I don't speak Flinstone, but I think that means she really liked it.
TOTAL: 24.5

At the end of the first week's performance, Emmitt and Cheryl barely edged out Gilles and Peta for the top of the leader board, but the competition is tight. Who will leave tomorrow night? My money's on (sadly) Pam and Tristan, though I've been known to be wrong about these things before. Often. The scores are just too close to predict!

Don't miss the live results of Dancing With The Stars Tuesday at 8/7c on ABC!

(Image courtesy of ABC)