By Mike Bandy

Well, it's the last leg of the Real Housewives of Atlanta Africa adventure! After last episode's bittersweet ending, with the women leaving the orphanage and feeling a real sense of bonding, things between the ladies can only get better from here, right?

Wrong!

It started at dinner that night, when everyone was talking about how grateful they were to have such fantastic lives...well, everyone except for Marlo. She was more concerned with undercooked shrimp than helping people. At the end of dinner, the ladies all gave a toast to giving, and that was the last time we'd see them all getting along. Possibly ever.

The next day, the ladies headed to a museum in Port Elizabeth, featuring artifacts from the Xhosa culture. As the tour guide was showing them around, he said that marriage within the tribe went very differently than in other societies. Apparently, if he wanted to marry someone, he'd simply tell his dad or older brother, and they'd go and "fetch" the woman, and she'd be his wife without any choice in the matter. That didn't sit well with anybody, but not half as much as what happened next!

The women sat down with an herbalist, who was going to use "bones" (chill out, Phaedra, they're only shells!) to tell everyone's future. Kandi was told that AJ is with her all the time and Marlo was told that she needs to find a man. Nothing we didn't already know, right?

Then he turned to Sheree, and told her she was too old to ever get married again. Oh, how I wished for a good old-fashioned "Who gon check me, boo?" out of Sheree! Instead, she just said she believed she would marry again, and I was disappointed. Cynthia found out she's in a happy relationship (what a complete crock), and NeNe found out that she's unhappy. Duh.

That evening, Marlo and NeNe invited the rest of the women to their part of the house, where Marlo had all of her expensive bags and shoes out on display. When they counted, it turned out that Marlo had packed 29 pairs of shoes, to which Sheree said, "You go to a country where people have nothing, and you bring that many shoes?!" Seriously.

Then the ladies sat down to talk about sex, and most of the conversation was too vulgar to print here. Suffice it to say, I probably won't ever drink tea again.

Cynthia said that it seemed as though everyone was bonding on this trip, which is just the thing someone says before stuff hits the fan. Kandi confronted Marlo about talking too much about her labels, and Marlo became irate (for no real reason?) and yelled that she could talk about her labels all she wanted to.

The next day (good god, isn't this trip over YET?!), Marlo came down with some sort of illness, and NeNe decided to skip going on safari to take care of her. The ladies slowly trickled in to see what was happening, but Phaedra had the best comment when she said that the medicine man probably put something on Marlo for mocking him. HA! I hope that's true.

Anywho, the women were off, and Cynthia and Kandi had a conversation about how Kim would probably not hold children at an orphanage, or even come to Africa in the first place. To be clear, it was Cynthia who started the conversation - Kandi just agreed with her. This will be important in a moment, I promise.

NeNe ended up joining the women for lunch out in the wilderness, because she was worried about Cynthia being with the other women and them getting her "on their side". My god, are we in sixth grade?! Did anyone else find it funny that Cynthia was talking all kinds of smack about Marlo with the women on safari, but as soon as NeNe was in the picture, she took it all back?! Have your own brain, woman!

Back at home, Sheree, Kandi and Phaedra gave Kim a call, and Sheree threw Kandi under the bus and said that she made the comment about the orphanage, which pissed Kim off. When Sheree hung up, Kandi confronted her about what she'd said, and Sheree swears she remembers Kandi saying that Kim would not hold a black baby in an orphanage, which is absolutely crazy. Nobody said anything about race, not even Cynthia, who STARTED the whole thing.

It was the ladies' last night in Africa, and they were dressed in African garb and had their faces painted before they sat down to dinner, where MORE arguing ensued. Kandi asked Cynthia how she remembered the conversation in the van, and Cynthia confirmed that Kandi didn't say what Sheree thinks she said. Then NeNe made a comment about how they had to call Kim because she's their boss, and things really got interesting.

Kandi was yelling that nobody runs her, and NeNe was yelling that everybody makes an issue that she's the boss of Cynthia and Marlo (who sat there SILENT, by the way), and that that offended them. Then Kandi got into it with Marlo again about her braggart nature, and Marlo said that Kandi could continue to brag about her songs, to which Kandi replied that she didn't have to brag about things.

Phaedra said she hoped they'd stay happy on this trip, but "that would be too much like right with these wrong girls." You said it, sister.

Next week, Kandi and Sheree share different stories with Kim about who really said what, and NeNe's kid is in jail and she won't bail him out. Riveting!