by David McAlpine

This is it, Bachelorette fanatics! The romantic moment we've all (kind of) been waiting for. I mean, let's be honest, is the highlight of this season going to be who Ashley goes home with, or Bentley being the biggest d-bag in the history of the show? What about William's infamous roast of Ashley? The sincere eruption of emotion when Ashley almost takes Bentley back?

Alas, tonight is not about the past, but about the future--Ashley's future with one guy: JP or Ben. Ashley is so ready to get engaged, and she's gushing about it and her love story. Last time we heard about her love story was when she was seeing Bentley shortly before he dumped her flat on her behind, so I'm not really trusting this one, either.

First, it's pow-wow time with the family, mostly Ashley and her sister, Chrystie, who makes a lot of noise. Like she's clearly more excited than Ashley to a) be in an exotic place like Fiji and b) knowing someone who's getting proposed to. Ashley lays in out in simple terms: she has the hots for JP, but she thinks Ben is a more fun guy.

JP is up first and Chrystie rips into him after Ashley's mom, Laurie, throws him a softball "we love you already" kind of response. It's rapid fire questioning for minutes from her sister, as if she's determined to suck up every little piece of airtime that Ashley doesn't want to use. After JP is out of the picture, Chrystie expresses her extreme disapproval, making Ashley cry. According to her, something was missing. Perhaps…something in common? Oh yeah, that sounds about right.

But she takes it one step farther by telling JP to his face that she doesn't think he and Ashley are meant to be. He's taken aback, but he understands. Chrystie is not done yet, though. No, she goes for the age card, since JP is 34 and Ashley, well, isn't. As if that wasn't enough, Chrystie goes for the jugular: she thought Brad was a better pick than JP. Ouch!

Ben comes in the next day, and there's a much calmer vibe amongst the family. Chrystie doesn't have her guard up as much, but it's clear that Ben is also not nearly as spontaneous…or fun in general.

The rest of the time, Ben is just boring. I hate to say it, but it's true. He's flatter than cardboard on screen, and the next few minutes seem to tick by endlessly. Ashley likes his honesty, but she really can't say much else. I mean JP has him on looks and personality--I really don't think honesty can win out on this one, buddy.

But Ben has one last chance, when the couple head to a volcanic pile of goop for a dual mud bath. Ben thinks it's erotic, but Ashley has no response. Cut to later, when Ben skirts the "L" word, but doesn't flat out say it, prompting more hesitation from Ashley. Does she really want to end up with this guy?

JP is back for his final date, but instead of wooing Ashley, he starts biting into Chrystie and how judgmental she was. Rule number one, JP, don't attack the family! He won't let it go unit lAshley convinces him that Chrystie is not going to be the end-all of their relationship.

It's finally proposal day, and both Ben and JP are dressed to the nines, ready to go with rings. Even worse, both of them think Ashley is going to say yes, though one of them (could this be any less of a surprise?) is going to have a rude awakening.

Ben comes out of his plane first, the sad, sad time when we at home realize that he will not be taking home Ashley's heart. He still looks happy though, and he can barely get out the words he wants to say. He starts launching into his dead dad, and my heart is pounding more and more--not necessarily because of him opening up to Ashley on national television, but the fact that she's not stopping him. It's like someone watching a train go off a clip and doing nothing about it.

To her credit, Ashley does try to cut in and let Ben know that this isn't going to work, but he keeps going. It can't stop! Why? Someone turn the TV off, please!

And it only gets worse. In a show of true love, Ben gets down on one knee and pops the question. Ashley lets him get down on one knee! The train is now way off the cliff and there's nothing she can do but shatter his heart.

And not only does she shatter it, but she gives it a moment before she squeaks out a half-assed response. Ben's retort is extremely acidic and fantastically crafted in heartbreak and anger, one that perhaps will go down in Bachelorette history. Ashley can't help but cry, even though she knows the "love of her life" is on his way.

After a quick clean up, JP comes in for his big moment. It's quick and easy, and initiated by Ashley (So you know it's going to last a long time). Down on one knee, walk on the beach, happy faces, you know, the usual ending. But what about Ben? It was only a fantastic precursor to the "After the Rose" special.

AFTER THE ROSE

Ben is out first and he's still shocked about Ashley's decision. Now, I can understand being shocked on the island, but after watching the show it wasn't painfully clear to you? It didn't help at all that Ashley made awful decisions left and right on the show?

Still, Ben has every right to be pissed and when Ashley comes out, he demands answers. He's still very chide with her, letting her know in every way possible that there's a lot of hurt inside and he's a far way from forgiving her even a little bit.

JP, on the other hand, loves answering in generics (such as, "I'm just so, so in love with this girl," not "I love her laugh" or "she's so spontaneous"). It's clearly a sexual relationship (read: Brad and Emily, Jason and Melissa), but one that has caused Chrystie to turn a new leaf (sadly).

Onto the future: Ashley is finishing up dental school at Penn, then she's moving to New York with JP and they'll be getting a place together. Wedding plans to be discussed after things are more stable of course (if even at all). And with that, another journey of love ends, begging two questions: who is the next Bachelor, and will Bachelor Pad be scandalous enough to fill our end-of-summer Bachelorette void?

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

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