by David McAlpine

Last night on The Celebrity Apprentice, it was an entirely new level of crazy that has been brought to national television. Looking at the cast, I think all of us thought that this would be nuts, but, well, not this nuts. Let's face it, when you put a bunch of D-list celebrities together on a show where they compete not to get fired, things get ugly. And they get ugly quick.

All it took was the new cast meeting each other for things to get a little nasty. You could see from the looks in people's eyes that there was judgment abound and everyone wanted to think that they were clearly the best, most prominent celebrity there. But the sad truth is that they all really fell on the same Lisa Rinna-esque, Gary Busey-like level of fame.

So, per usual, it was the men versus the women. The first task: team names. Lil' Jon doesn't want to be associated with anything lame, so he wants something with attitude. Mark McGrath suggests pinnacle, but Gary Busey equates that with a "penis," so that's out. Thanks to synonym.com, the men come up with their team name: Backbone, with Richard Hatch (the original winner of "Survivor") as their team leader.

The women jump on board with ASAP right away, but takes a while for LaToya to actually define her idea of ASAP, but she eventually comes up with "Artists, Singers, Authors, Professionals" and the women go wild. Literally. Oh, and Star Jones is their leader. Talk about crazy.

The task: selling pizzas. Simple enough for regular people, right? But not for celebrities, because, naturally, their egos are going to get in the way. Or they're going to do something crazy.

Case in point: Gary Busey, who tries to evangelize about the pizza. Then he starts tossing the pepperoni on the ground, then claims the pizza won't give those who eat it gas. Meat Loaf, on the other hand, is selling the crap out of the stuff!

The women, on the other hand, are getting sexual. Very sexual. Lisa Rinna says the dough is like breast implants, while NeNe says she's greasing her ass in the back room with the pizza. Is it me, or does pizza sound entirely unappetizing right now?

At the most inopportune time, Dionne Warwick and Star get into an epic battle of who needs to calm down first, even though they're both clearly heated and not calming down. Cut to Star Jones explaining in the boardroom that ASAP is an example of how women in America can work together. Lisa's response: they could have worked together as a group. Then Lisa and Star went at it, only intensified by the fact that they lost $35,000 for not getting their pizza to a group of firefighters.

Bottom line, the women still slaughtered the men: $115,268 to $54,104, making the women thoroughly satisfied with themselves. The men, however, were a different story.

Richard went on the offensive with David Cassidy during the task, and David was still pissed that Richard may have moved him out of the way while he was talking. So Jose Canseco jumps in on Cassidy's side, telling Richard he was wrong. All Trump can do is laugh, watching the celebrities tear each other down to build themselves up--er, "fight for each other."

The insults turn to who is shorter, and Cassidy is on the losing end of this battle. Cassidy tries to get Jose to back him up, but Richard simply dismisses the latter as, well, not smart. And Jose is not happy when someone implies that he's not smart. Eventually, Trump tires of the fighting and puts David Cassidy out of his misery, because he's on the losing end of every small argument.

The Celebrity Apprentice airs Sundays at 10/9c on NBC.

(Photo courtesy of NBC)

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