by David McAlpine

Last night on The Bachelor, the crazy was upped yet another notch. Someone ended up with a black eye, Brad had a surprise in mind for one girl and the tears flowed faster than I've ever seen before.

First, it's the black eye incident. Michelle just happens to wake up with a black eye--no explanation, it's just there. It's a real shiner (even though, suspiciously, there's no swelling), but she just uses it as an excuse to pout around the house, hoping that she'll get a one-on-one date with Brad. Of course, anything to make poor Michelle feel better, right?

Of course, Michelle doesn't get the first date. Instead, it's her mortal enemy: Chantal O. While Michelle continues to fume at the world in general for conspiring against her, Chantal and Brad take off in a helicopter to go diving off the coast of California.

Chantal doesn't really freak out, which gives her a leg up over some of those girls, who I'm pretty sure would have tried to push Brad out of the water. Brad seemed to appreciate that fact that she was a trooper, so they moved on to a picnic at the beach.

But that picnic quickly turned into the Normandy of all conversations as Brad went straight for the jugular: he asks Chantal about her first marriage. Chantal says it wasn't the right one, and instead of him being concerned about her lack of commitment, he takes it as a bonding moment instead. Then she apologizes for slapping him on the first day (or, rather, for doing what the producers said to do) and more kisses ensue. And a rose, of course.

Meanwhile, Michelle is still upset over Chantal. Was she really crying all day? Either way, she thinks Chantal is an awful person. Too bad the date card shows up just in time to cut her off. Ashley S., Stacey, Lindsay, Britt, Meghan, Alli, Lisa, Ashley H. and Jackie are all sent on the group date, which ends up being a surprise visit to Dr. Drew's radio show, "Loveline." For those of you who aren't familiar with the show, it's a fairly honest look at sex and relationship. And Dr. Drew keeps it real. Very, very real.

And this date was no exception. After a short interview with Brad while the girls are locked in a soundproof booth, Dr. Drew starts breaking out the questions, including if anyone has cheated. They all look at each other, flabbergasted, and Stacey owns up to it, saying it was a collegiate mistake.

After the show, they hit the rooftop hot tub (where have we seen this before?) and Ashley H. starts to get all sad because she has no time with Brad. Brad bounces from girl to girl while Ashley H. continues to complain and lose her head in the hot tub.

So Ashley H. does what any drunk, desperate girl would do: she barges in on Brad's time with Britt and gets all crazy over him, nearly threatening to leave because he's kissing other girls. Let's rewind: does she know what she signed up for here? Brad seems genuinely concerned, but Ashley overplays her hand, coming off slightly more desperate than she needed to. Therefore, point (and rose): Britt.

Back at the mansion, Michelle gets a date card much to her delight. Chantal is quick to say it doesn't say "love," and it's the only one that hasn't used it. Point (and rose already): Chantal.

But nothing can get Michelle's spirit down. Nothing. Do you hear her? Nothing, because it's her day. She's got her black eye all covered up with makeup and she's ready to go until Brad comes in and asks to see Ashley H. Michelle pouts more as he talks Ashley H. off the crazy ledge (he should realize that if he lets them jump, the decision will be much easier), prompting Chantal to remind Michelle of the scene she made during the first group date. Michelle's response: it's a "moral issue" because no one was paying attention to her on her birthday.

Michelle finally gets her time with Brad and, well, if we thought some of the other girls were a little "much," Michelle falls under the category of "a lot." Like a lot a lot. This girl cannot get a grip and it's slightly scary. She freaks out when they rappel of a building, but she's all ears when Brad wants to meet her daughter, Brielle. She uses that exact moment of tenderness to inform Brad that none of the other girls are right for him.

As disturbed as he should have been with that comment, Brad is still too nice to withhold a rose from anyone, so Michelle gets one, too.

Chris Harrison was mysteriously absent for a second week in a row while Brad sat down with his therapist to discuss the women. Not sure if I'm a fan of this, even though I'm sure all of them could use a good therapist.

At the cocktail party, Brad tries to make an effort to get one-on-one time with every girl who didn't have a date that week. He chats it up with Shawntel, then surprises Emily with a basket of pillows and wine. As she walks out the door, you can see the hearts of 13 other women drop, because it's obvious he's playing favorites. Heavy, heavy favorites. Chantal takes it especially hard, and surprisingly Michelle has nothing to add. Parallel universe much?

It was finally time for the rose ceremony, where three girls would be going home. Ashley S., Alli, Emily, Shawntel, Lisa,  Jackie, Marissa and Ashley H. all got roses, leaving Meghan, Lindsay and Stacey, the super-complainy-yet-absent trio, to get sent home.

The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

Follow David: @DavidMcAlpine

For more Bachelor links, visit SirLinksALot.net.