by Michael J. Lamp

 

"It's Not Death, It's Only a Cake"

 

The title of this week's recap comes straight from the mouth of guest judge and wedding cake guru Sylvia Weinstock. If you can imagine, she had to use these words to calm down a cheftestant. This group is quickly becoming the most high maintenance in Top Chef history.

 

The Quickfire Challenge is to, get ready for it, crate a wedding cake in an hour and a half. The news of this challenge sends everyone into an almost instant frenzy. There's a lot of running around and a whole lot of low-budget-looking cakes.

 

Malika's cake is a particularly hot mess and Morgan calls her ‘shaky' for moving the table so much. Malika doesn't exactly take kindly to being called ‘shaky.' A small squabble follows. This squabble is followed by Malika's cake turning into one of those horror movie villains whose face flakes off. Suffice to say, it's not pretty.

 

Joining Malika in the bottom three are Seth, who decided to once again not follow the rules. He created an engagement cake in lieu of an actual wedding cake, because he says he can't make tiered cakes. How is that an excuse? Eric, the baker of the bunch, rounds out this week's bottom of the Quickfire barrel.

 

Meanwhile, Erica, Morgan and Heather H. were Sylvia's favorites, and I can't disagree. Theirs were three of about five, maybe six cakes that looked like an actual professional created them. Heather H. throws some condescending words toward Erica's cake, but that doesn't stop Sylvia from declaring Erica the winner.

 

The Elimination Challenge is a team challenge - woohoo! The pastry cheftestants are split into two groups and must create bake sale items. Half the group is baking to benefit a glee club, while the other half is cooking for a pep squad - rah rah! The groups are both raising money to attend a fancy competition. The chefs that raise the most money will ensure their group's kiddies have their dreams realized. Precious.

 

In the funniest news of the entire episode, Seth explains to the rest of the cast that he can't interact with children or he'll ‘cuss too much.' Whoa.

 

In the end, the pep squad is victorious by a narrow margin of $10. Then, Gail announces that Top Chef will donate money to each group, ensuring that they both get to attend their big competitions. Double precious.

 

The winning group of chefs is Eric, Erica, Malika (lucky girl), Morgan and Heather H. To my delight, Eric is named the winner! This pleases me as Eric has sort of been situated as a bit of an outcast in the pastry world, since he is baker and not a full on ‘pastry chef.' Take not, Johnny Iuzzini! Bakers are not ‘less than' as you make it seem.

 

The losing group consists of Zac, Seth, Danielle, Igit and Heather C. There's a lot of inter-group sassiness going on at Judges' Table. Danielle and Seth, in particular, are really going at each other. Shockingly, Zac and Igit jump to Seth's defense. Why, boys, why???

 

Heather C. is sent packing and no one seems all that bothered by her dismissal. Aw.

 

 

Top Chef: Just Desserts airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on Bravo.

 

(Image courtesy of Bravo)

 

 

Follow Michael at twitter.com/mjlamp

 

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