by Gina Scarpa

 

It's finally time to find out whether it will be Crystal Bowersox or Lee Dewyze who is crowned the newest American Idol. We catch a glimpse of the massive crowds that have turned out to support the final two in their respective hometowns, Crystal's supporters at The Huntington Center in Toledo, OH and Lee's fans at The Village Green, in Mt. Prospect, IL. Ryan reveals that the final vote only came down to a 2% difference so it's clear that it's anybody's game!

 

The Top 12 are reunited on the stage, performing "School's Out For Summer", accompanied by Orianthi on guitar. The creepiest chorus in the world, dressed up as Alice Cooper, provide backup vocals and then the real Alice Cooper himself takes the stage.

 

Season 8 winner Kris Allen performs his newest song, "The Truth" followed by a little tribute to Simon, whose last Idol show is tonight. Apparently, there will be more tributes as the night goes on. Would you expect anything else?

 

Siobhan Magnus and Aaron Kelly team up to perform the duet, "How Deep Is Your Love". Let me be the first to say - nice harmonies, you guys! Their voices sound great together. The Bee Gees join them to finish things out. How cool! Next up is Michael Lynche and Michael McDonald with "Takin It To The Streets". Every time I hear this song, I think of Taylor Hicks' crazy, spazzy performance from season 5. YouTube it.

 

I don't need to see the next hour and 20 minutes to know that this next performance will go down as one of my favorites: Dane Cook singing a song based on the insults Simon has thrown around during the audition rounds. I love Dane.

 

The women of the Top 12 perform "Beautiful" and "Fighter". I spent 5 minutes waiting for Christina Aguilera to take over and just as I gave up hope, the diva herself came bounding down the stairs. Makes my heart break that she just cancelled her tour. If you've never seen her live, put it on your list of things to do.

 

Ricky Gervias sends in a taped message to poke some fun at Simon and say goodbye. He is hilarious!

 

The guys sing a little medley of Hall and Oates songs. Bee Gees, Michael McDonald, Hall and Oats... um, what the hell is going on? Does anyone else find it funny that on a show that criticizes contestants repeatedly for sounding "karaoke", they've chosen some of the cheesiest, dated artists to come perform tonight?

 

Crystal heads to the stage to wander around and sing Alanis Morissette's "Ironic" and then Alanis herself comes out to sing "You Oughta Know". Alright, we're now in the later 90s. Getting closer to current day.

 

The fabulous Carrie Underwood performs her newest song, "Undo It", which she cowrote with none other than Kara DioGuardi. What's up with her doppelganger backup singer?

 

A video is shown where Kris Allen surprises Lee and Crystal with their custom Ford Fiestas that they designed. Hold on while I wipe the drool from my face.

 

Woah, woah, woah. Wait a minute. Casey James is singing "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Is Brett Michaels going to perform?! YES HE IS! That is seriously awesome.

 

Lee Dewyze perfoms a medley with Chicago. Again I ask, what...is... going... on? Who is this show targeting? My aunt?

Time for another tribute video to Simon and his flirtation skills. Moving on...

 

YES! GENERAL LARRY PLATT IS IN THE HOUSE TO SING PANTS ON THE GROUND! My life is complete! Oh wait, William Hung just came out and ruined it. Buzzkill.

 

After yet another tribute video, Paula Abdul comes out to say a few nice (but awkward) words about Simon. She was doing well until about halfway through when she started ramblin' on and making no sense. Ah Paula, we missed you. You know what came after that? ANOTHER TRIBUTE VIDEO.

 

A very cool moment took place when the former winners all came together, along with many other former Idol contestants, to perform an inspirational song, "We Are One", for Simon. Noticeably missing were David Cook, Adam Lambert, and Clay Aiken. Where they at? Simon came up on the stage (escorted by Paula Abdul, who doesn't understand that her time is over now) and gave a very touching speech. Aw, you gotta love him.

 

The Top 12 are joined by the one and only Janet Jackson, who started things off with "Again" (great song) then sang some random song I never heard of called "Nothing".  Does anyone else think she's trying to do her best Michael Jackson impression?  It's pretty weird and uncanny.  She finished things up with "Nasty Boy".  Bring it back!

 

How much money do I have to pay Idol to just tell me who won already?  Lee and Crystal perform "A Little From Help My Friends" along with Joe Cocker.  I have no words anymore.

 

Let me just give you some rundowns.  Joe Cocker is 66.  Michael McDonald is 58.  Barry Gibb is 63.  Darryl Hall and John Oates 53 and 51, respectively.  Almost every member of Chicago are in their late 50s or early 60s.  Why, Idol?  Why?

 

Finally... FINALLY... it's time to find out who won.  Lee looks like he's going to puke on the stage.  

 

The winner of American Idol is... LEE DEWYZE!!

 

I know a lot of people will say this and BS but I mean it when I say - I picked him out during Hollywood week.

 

 

(Image courtesy of FOX)

 

Follow Gina at twitter.com/ginascarpa

 

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