by Michael J. Lamp

Last night, on Millionaire Matchmaker, it was a rarity for Patti and friends: the Nice Guys Club!

 

Hillel is one of the richest dudes to come through Patti's door up to this point. He claims he's too nice, but what he really means is that he just likes to buy women things. Lots of things. He's also a bit of a chubby bunny, a fact that makes him quite self-conscious. Aw, a millionaire with a vulnerable side.

 

Dylan, on the other hand, is all skin and bones. I think I see some protruding bones, in fact. He's also a major dweeb, but he's a lovable dweeb. He's only 24, which makes Patti question how serious he is about finding love. It doesn't take much to convince her, though. Patti seems cautious of the fact that both of these guys are so nice. Then again, if you were fixing up her usual array of douche and major douche, you'd be skeptical, too.

 

Patti brings in a rather hard-to-look-at dance teacher for Dylan and (naturally) hilarity ensues. A boner might've popped up, as well. (So to speak.) Said boner was never confirmed, however.

 

This week's recruiting session features some generally dumb and not cute girls, as per usual, as well as a Christina Ricci look-alike, a personal trainer (that's mean, right?!?) and a sassy (but pretty) Brit!

 

After a fairly drama-free mixer, Hillel and Dylan express interest in the same gal, a sweet brunette named Farah. Hillel goes on to pick her, while Hillel ends up favoring Ariele, the Christina Ricci look-alike. Ariele also strikes me as really dumb. Is it just me? Since Dylan is such a super-smart nerd, maybe that's a good thing.

 

Hillel stays true to his nature, overwhelming Farah with a private jet to San Francisco followed by a romantic dinner. The true star of this date, however, is all the champagne Hillel proceeds to shove down Farah's throat. To be fair, she's not putting up much of a fight. Clearly, Hillel wants Farah super wasted, and doubly clear is the fact that she seems cool with it. I think he's feelin' feelin' this date a little more than she is, though.

 

Then, the awkward words no one wants to hear when they aren't really feeling the other person: "Come here." Ick. Well, Farah ‘goes there' and gives Dylan a peck on the lips. It's clear he wanted more, but he's not getting it. A sweet (ish) ending to the date, at least. Hey, it's better than we're used to!

 

Dylan brings Arielle flowers and she says they are the first flowers she's ever received from a guy. Um, who has this chick been dating? Apparently, Arielle has been writing songs, so of course she should sing one of them on the restaurant's piano. Her humming may or may not sound like an orgasm - that's all I'm sayin'. Dylan brings in a professional piano player to provide the background music for dancing than can best be described as charmingly bizarre. Dylan goes in for the kiss, and she doesn't push him away! Another (mild) success!

 

We're left with very little details about either couple, which is suspect. Apparently, both duos dated again, but that's where the story ends. Did they go on one more date, each, and that's it? Are they planning nuptials? We need answers! Sadly, I can't offer you any. Google is your friend!

 

 

Millionaire Matchmaker airs Tuesdays at 10/9c on Bravo.

 

(Image courtesy of Bravo)

 

 

Follow Michael at twitter.com/mjlamp

 

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