By Jackie Helm

I’ve anticipated Episode 5 of “My Antonio” for two long weeks!  We left off with big-mouth Jennifer’s dismissal and Christi’s alcohol fueled outburst at dinner.  Luckily for Christi, Antonio and Momma had left the table before seeing her true colors.  Later, Christi raged around the house trying to trip with Miranda.  Miranda paid her no mind and thankfully Brooke gave Christi the “it’s okay girl” speech which calmed her.

Christi

Antonio bared gifts as each girl was given a personalized necklace and a sarong.  The ladies suited up and stood side by side to play a game of “Tony Says”.  Yes, just like “Simon Says”.  Oddly enough, these women who seem very smart were beat out by dead beat ex-wife Tully.  Tully’s prize was a date that consisted of about 15 minutes spooned up in a hammock with Antonio.  She sang the same old “I’ve changed” song and bored us all to tears.  The other girls nearly broke their necks trying to spy over the balcony.  Sweet, timid Autumn spied just a teeny bit, but later snitched on the other girls by telling Tully about the peeping! 

Antonio had a professional prepare the ladies for a clay sculpting challenge.  Miranda couldn’t make it due to being bit by a spider.  It was assumed that Antonio was actually posing before the girls buck naked!  Most of the girls took it seriously and gave it their best shot.  However, Tully tried to create an exotic exhibit!  She sculpted her self straddling a huge packing Antonio. Yes, as in RIDING him!  Antonio liked Christi's and Autumn’s sculptures, so they won a double date with Big Daddy.

Tully

Later that night, a tipsy Tully told Jessica she was young acting and that she can’t walk the red carpet talking about, “I’m down wit dat!”  Jessica had a better comeback – Tully you live with your parents and don’t have a job!

Party time!  Antonio took the girls out disco dancing.  It was on and poppin!  The girls were cut throat with their attempts to dry hump Antonio on the dance floor.  You know how it goes when alcohol flows!  Christi was acting like a fake bia bia and Tania called her out about it!  Oh and Miranda sat this one out too.  Momma showed up at the club and finally got the goods on Tully.  Christi spilled the beans on Tully being unemployed and rooming with the 'rents!

The next day, Autumn and Christi set sail on their awkward double date with Antonio.  Antonio described playboy model Christi as street smart and one who relies on her looks.  He said that NASA Researcher Autumn has worked hard and is very genuine.  He called it right as Christi bit Antonio’s butt and Autumn simply had good ol' conversation during their alone time on the date.

Autumn

Dinner time!  Antonio stated that they would skip dinner and get to the nitty gritty.  The waiters served desert trays before each competitor and those without a lei necklace needed to get the heck out of dodge.  The girls lifted the lids and before them sat actual deserts.  Hardy har har Antonio – you really got em’ that time!  The girls giggled and feasted on their calories.  Instead of a traditional lei elimination ceremony, Antonio popped some questions. 

He asked Autumn what was her favorite part of their date and what they would do on the next one.  She liked talking and in the future would talk some more.  Tony says, “That’s it?”  Hmfph!  He asked Christi what was up with her storming out of the club.  Christi denies, denies, denies and is full of silly excuses.  Antonio inquired of Miranda’s absences.  She told of her spider bite woes.  Momma scoffed and patronized Miranda asking if she had to have surgery.  Miranda was not pleased with Momma’s ridicule.

Suddenly, Antonio asked Jessica to step away from the table.  Unfortunately Tully’s remarks were true.  Antonio politely told Jessica that she’s too young for him and dismissed her from the competition.  Back at the table, that ol’ Antonio tricked us again!  He served the girls with another dessert tray and right before they lifted the lids the show ended.  Sneaky rabbit!  Next week, the girls act out soap opera scenes with sexy pro Antonio.

Bye-Bye Jessica

)Photos Courtesy of Vh1)