by Chef Rock
Winner Of Hells Kitchen Season 3

 

Hell hath cometh again…eth. Alright, that was my first lame attempt at joining in on all of the other hell/devil puns that follow the Hell’s Kitchen season premiere. It will also be my last.

 

Chef Gordon Ramsay is back ladies and gents, and I’m here to give you my weekly spin on this season’s contestants. Let’s face it, there is a ton of editing and I should know. I do give HK credit; they generally don’t make a situation look any worse than it did in real time. With all of that said, I will be making my comments based upon what I see, not what I “think” went down.

We started off with 2 hours of what I think was the best HK start ever; well, as good as could be without me of course. Here’s how I have them ranked so far:

 

17. Joseph: Any surprise here? Let’s  see; he can’t cook, he’s a sexist, he hasn’t been to any of his anger management classes since the conviction, he can’t cook, he has tons of Marines pissed at him, he threatened Chef G (first of his many nicknames) and HE CAN’T COOK! As much as we would love to see a brawl, it aint gonna happen. The guy is obviously hoping for a lawsuit or some show of his own, and no one on the set will allow that. He’s gone, very soon.

 

16. Melinda: Yes, she got kicked off and she is ranked above Joseph.  She was out of her league though, right decision by his Chefness.

 

15. Louie: Yet another outcast ranked above little Joseph. I respect Louie for staying true to what he knows, but biscuits and gravy? I think Chef Ramsay would have been ok with diner food, but that was sad my brother.

 

14. Van: I started out liking him. His dish looked great, most people try too much and he went clean and simple. El Gordo dug it and his personality; as did I. Then he went way down hill. He fumbled like an ogre in the dining room before threatening Jean Phillipe. Shortly thereafter, JP put him in his place. He threatened his teammate, and too much talk of someone sucking your d*** for me to vote for you. I think he will bounce back, but bad week in my eyes.

 

13. Lovely: Hmmm how do I put this nicely? She’s out of her league. Nice smile, probably talented in her arena, but this pace isn’t for Chef Lovely. Also, lose the silk, bedtime scarf. I’m not joking when I say “it bothers me every time I see it”.

 

12. Andy: Congratulations on being the first donkey on season 6! Put that on your resume and hope for the best. Seriously, he seems overwhelmed, but who isn’t?

 

11. Sabrina: “Shut up, just shut up. The chicken isn’t undercooked, it’s fine” No chef, you should have shut up on this one. The self proclaimed “sexiest HK winner ever”  screwed the pooch on this one. Not only did she keep the exploitation of women alive and kickin’, she also served the chef a perfectly cooked medium; too bad it was chicken. She will be around though, she’s tough.

 

10. Tony: He won’t be around for long, so here are some great quotes from him: Tony “I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t… think negative. It’s me, I can do it!”  “I always season it, I didn’t season this one.” “I manned up right away” Because of that last one, I like him even more. Even though he’s terribly lost in the kitchen, at least he’s honest and somewhat objective.

 

9. Tennille: My hometown hero should be higher!!! (VA whatup!) She will bounce back though, not a good start. To keep it in perspective she said it best: “Anybody at home thinking they can do this? Good luck”

 

8. Robert: He should and will be higher, but I think he made his reservation to Canada before he realized he had to WORK for it first. 4 shrimp big dog? Please. After a quote like this, you have to better: “After being here already the idea is to strive for perfection, I’m pretty close”

 

7. Amanda: I like her spirit. She has guts. She served Ramsay French Frickin’ Toast. And tequila! She’s either nuts or has guts, either way; I like her. She bounced back with 9 shrimp. Either way, she will always be associated with “bison penis”, thanks to Gordo.

 

6. Tek: Her signature dish did well and she seems level headed, she was quietly impressive to me.

 

5. Ariel: I didn’t see much of her which leads me to believe that she will be a force in the future. She does stay cool under pressure; something that will come in handy.

 

4. Dave: He reminds me of another HK champ. You know, bald head, married, executive chef, really calm early on? Me dammit! Ok, so there is slight complexion difference, but I like the guy’s stature.

 

3. Jim: Ok, you have to be reading thinking I’m out of my mind. Well, these are my rankings and this guys is here for this week because he’s f***in’ funny. It’s a long season with all of these cooks so the rankings will even out. Here’s his best line: “Joseph, we’re not at war, we’re just in a kitchen. Calm down and just cook the carrots

 

2. Kevin: Cooked ostrich and got a good review on the seasoning. He also is up here because of the fact that he seemed to be very humble and respectful of the competition.

 

1. Suzanne: Yup! Even though she undercooked the risotto, she is my pick for the week. No one ever cooks the most famous dish from the show and she did, that’s just smart. Yeah, it was crunchy but she made up for it with her beating everyone on the shrimp challenge and strong showings in the kitchen during service. She has a strong will and my guess is she will be a contender.

Questions, comments or vicious and insulting disagreements? Hit me up on twitter.com/chefrock or facebook.com/chefrock

 

Peace and love!

 

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