by Kylene Hamulak

 

Dancing With the Stars is back and bringing some big changes to the ballroom. There are some new faces replacing familiar ones, but the biggest elimination of all this season is sure to be the Results Show.

 

Here's this week's recap:

Brant Daughtery & Peta (Cha Cha Cha) - Brant Daugherty is hot so that's going to be a storyline this season. Not only MY storyline, but also the show's. I have never heard of him before, but as it turns out? I have had a crush on him MY ENTIRE LIFE. Despite a couple of missed steps, the judges praise them. Len calls it fabulous, while Bruno describes it as "a sizzling teaser of things to come." Carrie Ann loves their chemistry.

SCORES: 7 (Carrie Ann) - 8 (Len) - 7 (Bruno) = 22

Leah Remini and Tony (Fox Trot) - Leah has two goals on this show: to lose weight and not look silly. Which, honestly? Are basically my life goals. Bruno says she went a little Miley Cyrus for a moment, but Carrie Ann calls her all "sass and class." Len loved that it was clean and precise and says it was a terrific job.

SCORES: 7 (C) - 7 (L) - 7 (B) = 21

Corbin Bleu and Karina (Contemporary) - When I heard Corbin was doing the show, obviously I was like, "He don't dance!" Ah, but we know he does. Their routine is pretty ambitious for Week 1, and they do it well. Carrie Ann loves their emotion, and Len can't believe this is only the first week. Bruno says he's got strong power, but also tender expression...I really think that last bit was added on just so he had an excuse to lovingly caress Len.

SCORES: 8 (C) - 8 (L) - 8 (B) = 24

Jack Osborne and Cheryl (Fox Trot) - Jack is dancing with and for Multiple Sclerosis, but he's also battling the affliction known as "I Don't Think I Can Dance"-itis. Spoiler alert: He sort of can. He's got a way to go, of course, but it's not too bad for his first try. Len predicts he'll give his sister (Kelly, placed 3^rd in Season 9) a run for her money. Bruno calls it "joyful, playful, and uplifting" before skipping into some sort of Wizard of Oz analogy. Carrie Ann says she was blown away.

SCORES: 8 (C) - 8 (L) - 7 (B) = 23

Amber Riley and Derek (Cha Cha Cha) - Amber wants to pretend that she's a big girl and that's something she has to overcome but guuuurl...she's got moves. And she looks amazing. She needs to leave the "big girl" routine backstage and just own it. Bruno calls her the "Tigress of Season 17", and Carrie Ann bows down to her. Len? He needs a medic 'cause he's "palpitating, persperating, and flatulating." All good signs, apparently.

SCORES: 9 (C) - 9 (L) - 9 (B) = 27

Elizabeth Berkleyand Val (Contemporary) - Elizabeth informs us that she "closed the door on dancing" when Showgirls came out. Some might suggest she should've been closing things BEFORE her stripper movie, but my point here is, she's a trained dancer. I expect much from her. Carrie Ann is impressed, and Len calls it "just lovely to watch." Bruno says, "Watch out darlings - the original Showgirl is back." Uh, original? I'm not sure she was the original, Bruno.

SCORES: 8 (C) - 8 (L) - 8 (B) = 24

Bill Nye and Tyne (Cha Cha Cha) - Bill Nye teaches me about energy every time I visit Disney World, so I really think he can bring it to the dance floor. Honestly, his routine is much closer to what we expect from a Week 1 dance from an inexperienced dancer but as a side note? Tyne is adorable. Len says he's "willing but unfortunately you're not that able" and Bruno basically agrees. Carrie Ann, however, calls him "the heart of the show."

SCORES: 5 (C) - 4 (L) - 5 (B) = 14

Keyshawn Johnson and Sharna (Cha Cha Cha) - Keyshawn's teammates apparently have no faith in him - they expect him to be back at the ESPN desk in two weeks. Are they right? He's got potential, but right now he's not a ballroom dancer. Still, two weeks might be cutting it a little short. Bruno describes him as "the Empire State Building trying to be a Rockette!" He's a big guy, but Len and Carrie Ann both agree he's got the attitude down - he just needs to work on the technique and confidence.

SCORES: 6 (C) - 5 (L) - 6 (B) = 17

 

Christina Milian and Mark (Contemporary) - So Christina thinks people are going to have high expectations for her, but COME ON, GUYS! She's never danced with a PARTNER before! It's, like, TOTALLY different than spending half your life as a wannabe pop star! (Spoiler alert: She's still a dancer.) Carrie Ann tells her she's better than she thinks she is, and Len agrees - he wants her to really go for it. Bruno liked it too.

SCORES: 7 (C) - 7 (L) - 8 (B) = 22

 

Bill Engvall and Emma (Fox Trot) - Before even seeing him dance, I fear Bill is at a disadvantage. He's the typical fodder contestant, and he's paired with a brand new pro. He describes himself as "The Redneck Ballroom King". Len gives him props for two things: overcoming the nerves to actually come out on the floor, and remembering his routine. When those are the two things you get complimented on, you know how bad the dancing is. Bruno thinks they might just see him next week. (And since no one is eliminated this week, that's a pretty safe bet.) Carrie Ann calls it a good job, but encourages him to work on being smoother.

SCORES: 6 (C) - 6 (L) - 6 (B) = 18

 

Valerie Harper and Tristan (Fox Trot) - Ok, here's the thing. If you've read my recaps before, you know I love Tristan. I sit here hand hearting my tv most nights when he's on it, and, quite frankly, it makes me sad that he always gets broken contestants that the public LOVES but just can't seem to stick around long enough to satisfy me. Valerie, of course, is a miracle story - everyone is rooting for her. She's just happy to be dancing again. "It's good to be alive," she says, "and it's even better to be dancing." Bruno says she moves well and has some tips, but overall was very happy to see her. Carrie Ann is crying (big surprise), and agrees there are spots to work on. Len calls it "beautifully done."

SCORES: 7 (C) - 7 (L) - 7 (B) = 21

 

Snooki Polizzi and Sasha (Cha Cha Cha)- Snooki wants us to call her Nicole now because she had a son. That's great, Snooki. But Urkle didn't want to be called Urkle either, and that didn't make me call him Jaleel for his entire run. Snooki, believe it or not, has a cheerleading background, so I won't be surprised to see her move well in the ballroom. She looks good (I can admit that), but the dance doesn't have a lot of technique. Carrie Ann was impressed that she "just went for it" and Len calls her "a little pocket rocket" which I'm not sure you're supposed to say during prime time tv. Bruno loved it too and reminds her to extend her legs.

SCORES: 8 (C) - 8 (L) - 7 (B) = 23

 

Elimination Recap:

 

There's obviously no elimination this week, as our first glimpse of the new format will come with next week's show. Tonight's scores, as well as our votes, will be combined with next week's votes to determine who will be the first eliminated couple. Right now? Well, it looks like Bill Nye is in the most trouble, but come on - everyone loves the nerd for the first few weeks. It's really too early to tell who will bow out, but the good news is I doubt either of my pretty boys (Brant and Tristan) will be making an early exit.

 

Who are you rooting for after seeing tonight's premiere?

 

Catch Dancing With the Stars every Monday at 8/7c on ABC!

 

(Image Courtesy of ABC)

 

Follow Kylene on Twitter at @keepingupwithky!