by Kylene Hamulak 

 

There's not much to say as we lead into results from Classical Night on this season's Dancing With the Stars. This week's performances were mostly impressive, and the remaining pairs have all had pretty solid showings up to this point. After Maria and Derek's perfectly scored Paso Doble, it's not really a surprise that the judges have chosen it as the encore performance. (Personally, I was hoping we'd get to see TEAM Paso dance again, but as the first 30 pointer of the season, Maria and Derek deserve it.)

 

Checking in with three of the other high scoring pairs, Katherine and Mark and Donald and Peta are all happy with their performances, but it's William and Cheryl who stand out among the almost-perfect 27 pointers. Apparently, on performance night, William just wanted to say hi "to the little girl" (Jackie Evancho) and I'm going to have to nominate his thumbs-up greeting as possibly the most precious thing on this show since....well, I dunno, ever? Did anyone ever bring fuzzy kittens or floppy eared puppies into the ballroom? No? Ok then, the thumbs-up wins.

 

Getting to results, William and Cheryl are the first to be declared safe, but Donald and Peta quickly follow. Katherine and Mark are the last to get invited to dance next week, but come on - we knew none of these three pairs was in any real danger. Also, side note, with her hair down, Katherine really does look like a goddess in that toga getup.

 

After the commercial, the AT&T spotlight performance features the story of a top-street dancer named Steelo Vazquez, who was enjoying an amazing career working with top talent in Hollywood before a brain aneurysm caused him to lose his ability to speak, walk, and, most importantly to him perhaps, dance. Miraculously, less than a year since the tragedy, Steelo rejoined his friends "The Groovaloos" on the dance floor. The performance is truly inspiring, and I'm kinda glad this is the last one for the season because crying makes me lose the snark I need to truly appreciate DWTS results shows.

 

For example, snark is necessary when the next interview group includes Maria which - of course - also includes an injury report on her feet. I mean, really? Steelo had to learn to WALK again and he danced, Maria. Quit complaining. (And props to Derek for pointing that out.) Roshon thinks he's ready to rhumba if he ends up in the duel again, and Melissa thanks the fans for their support. Jaleel tells us that he ate cheesecake the night before like he was a divorced mother of three, and then Maks gets a little handsy with Urkel. See? I can't watch this show with tears in my eyes when there are shenanigans like this going on!

 

The next special guest is former contestant and expert silly hat-wearer Gavin Degraw singing "Sweeter." I think we can all give him 10s for this performance, if only to prove how much better he is standing behind a mic and letting Karina handle the dance floor with Louis than lumbering out there himself.

 

Just when you thought it was time for more results, you're right...and wrong. We're getting results, but they're not what you think - this time they're for the Ballroom Battle competition between up-and-coming dancing pairs coached by Cheryl, Tony, and Louis. And you know this is a big deal, cause even Paula Abdul is there, clapping like a seal. After the teams perform their Jives, the judges take a little too long deliberating, which results in a quick censor for Tom who is impatient. Ultimately, Cheryl's team is declared the winners, with Tony's team coming in second.

 

When it is - FINALLY - time to get some actual official DWTS results, we learn that Maria threatened to suck all the blood from the judges if they didn't give her good scores and Len called something about Roshon's dance queer. Jaleel is sure there's a perfect score in him while Melissa and Maks ponder whether Bruno has ever actually been to Coney Island, let alone ridden the Cyclone.

 

Maria and Derek are the next to find out they're safe, while Roshon and Chelsie are the first to know they'll be in the Dance Duel. Melissa and Maks are declared safe, and (you know the drill!), since Jaleel and we can do math, we know he'll be the one up against Roshon.

 

As we watch their rehearsals, it's pretty uneventful (hard work, long hours, no one wants to go home, the usual...) until Chelsie shushes Roshon, and he gets all crazy about "respect." I mean, really, Roshon? She's trying to teach you to dance and you won't shut the heck up. I was shushing you, too.

 

Anyway, back at the duel - final one of the season, might I add - the pairs are pretty evenly matched. And of course, that's what the judges said. Both teams are great, both gave their all, and Bruno thinks both Jaleel and Roshon improved on their dances. Hard decision, you know. Same as it has been every week.

 

Carrie Ann chooses to save Roshon and Chelsie, Len agrees, and even though it doesn't matter, Bruno would've chosen to save Roshon and Chelsie as well.

 

Jaleel is going home, and he tells us didn't expect to get so far. What I'm going to miss most is referring to him as Urkel. Looks like that 10 he's so sure is inside of him is going to stay there.

 

 

Dancing With The Stars airs Mondays at 8/7c and Tuesdays at 9/8c on ABC.

 

(Image courtesy of ABC)