by Kylene Hamulak

 

Last night's results show featured the first ever "Dance Duel", and I've got to admit - the idea of it intrigues me. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad one right now. Before we get to that, however, we've got some business to attend to...

 

Starting with this week's encore dance, which Len announces is Maria and Derek. You do know this is all about "THE KISS" right? In fact, the encore get a little turn in the script when, instead of smoochin' on each other, Derek and Maria use their kisses at the judges table. Also a change from last night's performance? Derek was nearly NOT the only one who ended up topless, and as Maria hurried to tuck herself back into her costume, her partner seemed quite delighted.

 

The first group of dancers to get their recap and results are Maria and Derek, Melissa and Maks, and Gladys and Tristan. Gladys reveals that even though she DID know the routine, she just...forgot she knew the dance. Maks tells Melissa he's proud of her, and after a (very) brief pause for sweetness, tells her she has to do better - he's tired of 7's. Maria invites Bruno to "join in" (if ya know what I mean...) - but only cause he's a judge. Keep those standards, Maria. Maria and Melissa and their respective partners are safe...and so is Gladys! Looks like the Empress of Soul will be back for Motown Week!

 

Before more results, we are introduced to the Dance Duel concept: same dance, same music, same dance floor split down the middle. The judges will watch the pairs simultaneously and decide which is going to win. Len tells us this is to "safeguard the integrity of the dancing." Look, I appreciate that the judges think Kristin Cavallari got kicked off too early, but this is kind of what happens when you give people phone numbers to call in and vote. In my opinion, if the judges want to have the last word, they should stay in ballroom competitions that don't include celebrities who may or may not have any personality. At all. I just don't believe that the judges are going to base their save SOLELY on the dance duel.

 

Anyway, as I digest that rant, Train is performing "Drive By" with Louis and Cheryl on the dance floor. I'm going to have to admit that I enjoy this song. What I don't enjoy is the dumb lyrics Train writes just to make things "rhyme". And don't argue with me on this because if you do? I will pull the Hefty bag line right out of that song.

 

The next group of dancers up for a chat are William and Cheryl, Gavin and Karina, and Roshon and Chelsie. William says his ankle is still sore, but if he has to dance, he will. Gavin compares his chances of escaping elimination to breaking out of Alacatraz, so at least he's aware. Roshon tells us he's as ready as he's gonna be for the dance duel...which we all know means he doesn't expect to be there at all.

 

Before we find out if any of them will be dueling, however, we get a performance from the Macy's Stars of Dance and Sheila E on percussion, joined by a giant headdress that really should have its own show. And even after a commercial, when you think, "oh, hey, 32 minutes in, we're due for more results," it turns out you are WRONG. Instead, it's special guest Selena Gomez, aka Justin Bieber's girlfriend. She sang her new song "Hit the Lights" and urged us all to let the music move us, to lose ourselves, while she looks like she might fall asleep throughout most of it. (And this is coming from someone who really enjoy that "loves you like a love song" song a lot more than someone my age should.)

 

Ready for their results, Donald and Peta are the next pair up for recap, and the team isn't very happy with Len's 8, despite Peta's acting like she wasn't angry. Donald promises next week will be "ahhsumm...", so if the 8 was motivation for an even better dance, I'm ok with that. Mark tells us he's not wearing a cup as he and Katherine get ready to take the floor, so thanks for that overshare. And as William battles through his injury, everyone in the ballroom seems to be a fan of his sexy routine with Cheryl. Surprise - all three of these couples are 100% safe!

 

Well, since six couples are safe, and two are not, we know that only one pair in the last three won't have to dance. Jaleel and Kym get the first recap, and it seems that everyone thinks the way to get votes is to take your clothes off. While that may be MOSTLY true, I can only roll my eyes as Jaleel pulls the "Ohhh, allll riiiiight, if you insist" and strips for the camera. Roshon and Chelsie are campaigning for votes - they don't want to duel, but if they have to? Roshon is bringing the shimmy. And then there's Gavin and Karina, whose dance starts off with Karina confessing that she farted on the dance floor. Don't worry, Karina - you weren't the only thing on the dance floor that stunk. *rim shot*

 

Thanks, folks - I'll be here all season.

 

Anyway, at the stop of the staircase, Roshon is declared safe, which means Gavin and Karina and Jaleel and Kym will be dueling. Gavin admits he learned a couple cha-cha steps in practice Monday night, and we see rehearsals from both teams that took place over the last day. All the yawning actually makes ME tired!

 

So the duel literally places the two teams side-by-side on the dance floor and on my tv screen. It's hard to figure out who I'm supposed to be watching, so instead of actually paying attention to the mish-mash of dance steps out there, I'm keeping my eyes on the middle line waiting for someone to step over and then pointing every time someone does.

 

Carrie Ann thinks they both gave it their best shot, but that Jaleel had a strong cha-cha flavor, while Gavin was good in holds. Len tells them how much he admires them both for coming out and giving their all. Bruno tells Gavin he thinks he has improved and says that Jaleel was smooth with "amazing shape". In the end, it's unanimous - the judges all choose to save Jaleel and Kym. Gavin is eliminated.

 

Well, I'm shocked....shocked that I predicted this one right! Not really a surprise to see Gavin go as the competition starts to weed out some of the weaker dancers. Motown Week should give the dancers a lot of great music to perform to, so it'll be a fun night to see what they bring to the ballroom. Don't miss it!

 

 

Dancing With The Stars airs Mondays at 8/7c and Tuesdays at 9/8c on ABC.

 

(Image courtesy of ABC)