by Kylene Hamulak

 

Welcome to Latin Night on Dancing With the Stars! I had a whole list of punny-rific comments to make in Spanish, but Tom pretty much exhausts all of them before the opening titles. The night starts off with Carlos Santana accompanying the troupe dancers - he'll be joining us in the ballroom throughout the night!

 

Meanwhile, our contestants enter the ballroom, ready to shake all those ruffles and fringe and....feathers? Are those feathers? Gonna be a fun night, kids!

 

Team: Jaleel & Kym
Dance: Samba
Jaleel and Kym are talking about how they've got to step it up because they do NOT want to end up in the dance duel. Jaleel promises he's gonna shake his booty for Carrie Ann...and also Bruno. They deliver a solid routine, which Jaleel later attributes to a couple of things - most notably spray tanning with Maks and putting in a lot more work. (It's probably the spray tan.) Judges said:
8 - Len's most important nugget was the following: "Your bum was going like you were chewing a toffee!" He also notes adds, "well done."
8 - Bruno suggests that there is a "mini-me" operating inside of Jaleel to make him wiggle like that.
8 - Carrie Ann commends him for coming out with attack and fire but suggests that he try to keep better control of his arm out of hold.
Score=24

 

Team: Melissa and Maks
Dance: Salsa
As we hear about last week's concussion with Melissa bouncing in the background, I can't help but wonder - is all that jumping safe? At rehearsal, with both a helmet and neck brace, "grandma" is having a little trouble letting loose for the Latin dance. On the dance floor, however, we get Maks in a hot pink unbuttoned shirt, which almost distracts from Melissa enough for me to forget that she's supposed to be dancing, not just strutting around. Still, considering her accident last week, it's a decent performance. Judges said:
7 - Bruno notes that Melissa always goes "maximum thrust and plenty of fire," but that can leave her wild and untamed; he tells her to go with that, but to control it.
7 - Carrie Ann thinks it's beautiful to see how much confidence Melissa has gained, and tells her to work on the element of control; she suggests finding steps that fit her body a little better.
7 - Len describes the dance as two parts: great rhythm and a little untidy; overall he enjoyed it, but thought some parts were better than others.
Score=21

 

Team: Maria and Derek
Dance: Salsa
Even before the commercial break, we're already hearing about Maria's injury of the week. When the footage actually airs, it turns out she totally faceplanted during rehearsal, and she's just laying there for an eternity telling Derek she's NOT ok. And Derek just keeps asking her if she is. SHE TOLD YOU NO! Why doesn't he just go get the damn ice pack for her?! When she finally does lift her head off the ground, I'm surprised it's still attached. There's no blood, though I'm sure it was painful, and she's probably lucky she didn't break teeth or something. As for the performance, there's no denying she and Derek have both talent and chemistry, but the gags were a little much. We had a headdress that looked like Big Bird, a dance with Dr. Drew, Derek stripping off his shirt, and a kiss - yes, a real one this time - and for me? All the tricks were just sort of eye roll-worthy. They're really milking the kiss though.
Judges said:
9 - Carrie Ann begins, "Wow, that was hot; you are fantastic!" But then she tells them they didn't need the kiss, and that it was a little bit of a sellout. I agree, Carrie Ann.
9 - Len says the dance revealed two things: Derek's body and Maria's talent; "I wasn't too impressed with your body, but the talent was fantastic...good job."
9 - Bruno has three questions: "Was it legal? Do you want me to get you a room? Can I join in?" He liked it.
Score=27

Team: Katherine and Mark
Dance: Argentine Tango
The difference between Katherine's pretty-girl shtick and Maria's, for me, is that Katherine seems too darn genuine for me to hold it against her. Mark calls her out for being a drama queen, which made me chuckle. Of course, then she spent the rest of rehearsal kicking his "naughty bits", so I bet he regrets that. The dance is beautiful - really tight choreography, and when Katherine says last week's lower scores motivated them to work harder, I do believe it really shows. Judges said:
9 - Len compares the dance to a rose - "It had a beauty but underneath the surface is the thorn, sharp, menacing," and at that point neither I nor Katherine could tell if that was good or not. When he said, "well done," we knew it was.
10 - Bruno describes the dancing and choreography as "of the highest quality"; he also notes that the acting and storytelling was played to perfection, and I have to agree.
10 - Carrie Ann calls Katherine's the best legs of any contestant in history of DWTS, and calls the first lunge "perfection"; she describes the routine as "poetry in motion."
Score=29

 

Team: Gavin and Karina
Dance: Samba
Even though they escaped danger last week, Karina notes they can't rest on their laurels. I'm going to miss Gavin when's he's gone because even though he's terrible, he knows it. I also enjoy his revised technical terms, such as the "very uncomfortable hip roll." He admits they'll be relying heavily on fan votes this week, and honestly, he's probably right. The routine starts with this cool canoe entrance, and the dance is a lot of fun, but...well, let's just see what the judges think. Judges said:
7 - Bruno says he doesn't know whether to laugh or cry; he actually enjoyed it, and likes that Gavin let himself go, "hoping for nothing but the best."
6 - Carrie Ann tells Gavin that she loves the way he goes for it, but thinks it was lacking a little bit of form. Even Gavin calls her out on the understatement of the night, calling it "more of a struggle than a samba."
6 - Len corrects him by saying it was "more of a shamba than a samba." Cute with the wordplay, Len. He does say it was a "gallant effort," which pretty much means the judges have given up on critiquing him at this point.
Score=19

So then there's a commercial break where they tease us with William and Cheryl, only to come back and treat us to Carlos Santana performing "Maria Maria", while Anna and Louis dance instead. Nice to see them on the dance floor, but filler is a pet peeve of mine when reality shows get to that awkward number of contestants where the show is either too long or too short. Anyway...back to dancing...

 

Team: William and Cheryl
Dance: Argentine Tango
After mistakes and last week's low (for them) scores, William and Cheryl are coming out with not one, not two, but THREE tricks in this routine, all harder than the one they messed up on last week. Understandably, William is nervous about the pressure to make sure he's not the only Latino who goes down on Latin week, but Cheryl thinks he just needs to relax. Well, he must've relaxed pretty well because this is a terrific, tight, passionate comeback. I questioned whether I just enjoy the Argentine tango, but when the audience wouldn't settle to let the judges speak, I think you can say it's a great routine.  Judges said:
10 - Carrie Ann thinks it was "ridiculously amazing" and calls William the Latin dancing James Bond.
9 - Len says: "I saw mood, I saw passion, I saw sensuality and color - well done!"
10 - Bruno just throws out his usual list of adjectives: "pulsating passion, throbbing intensity, slick, sexy..." something I can't understand. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it was good.
Score=29

 

AND, it should be noted that William hurt his ankle, but we didn't have to watch the video. Just sayin'.

 

Team: Gladys and Tristan
Dance: Samba
Gladys and Tristan have travelled through five states in the last week for Gladys' engagements, which has led to very late rehearsals. To her credit, Gladys tells us Tristan is tough, and so is Gladys. And since she talks about herself in the third person, I know it's true. The dance is pleasant if not impressive, but, as always, "The Empress" was a crowd pleaser. Judges said:
7 - Len says Gladys has great musicality and notes that the number was simple, but effective.
8 - Bruno tells her, "When you are yourself, you are just magic, and I love watching you."
7 - Carrie Ann, of course, points out that there were a few mistakes, but also likes that Gladys commands the stage; she loved it.
Score=22

 

Team: Roshon and Chelsie
Dance: Salsa
Disclaimer: during the next 7 minutes, you are going to hear Roshon use the word "sexy" at least 84 times. He's having issues bringing it, and thinks he can channel William Levy for this dance. He gets the shirt, the hat and the headband, and then even William himself gives him some tips. We'll see if it works. The dance is set in a jungle, Chelsie is dressed like Kevin the dodo bird from UP, and Roshon, again, delivers an entertaining routine. Judges said:
9 - Bruno tells Roshon, "You're wild for salsa!" and says his timing is unbelievable.
9 - Carrie Ann awkwardly assures us that she is NOT being a cougar, and that when she calls Roshon sexy, it's in a Disney way. Best to move along, Carrie Ann. She also commends his timing, and notes that, "it's always a mishmash of beautiful dancing with you."
8 - Len says Roshon is like a young guy with his first car, but "sometimes you've got to slow down and enjoy the journey...so calm yourself on occasion."
Score= 26

Team: Donald and Peta
Dance: Argentine Tango
During their rehearsal, Donald tells us about the crazy routine they're taking on. He approaches dance just like football - if he can get the play down, he's good. He declares himself the teacher this week, and Peta says he can call himself anything he wants as long as he nails the routine. And nail it he does. The tricks are insane...this guy doesn't LOOK like he'd be huge, but the way he handles her, he must be insanely strong.  Judges said:
10 - Carrie Ann tells him it was divine, and notes his mastered lifts and ability to remain in control of Peta and the floor
8 - Len agrees that the lifts were spectacular, but thought the rest was "nearly but not quite."
9 - Bruno thought it was an overall fantastic job.
Score=27

 

So that's the end of Latin Night. For me, it was a good night for an Argentine tango - those were the standout performances. So who's going to be on the floor again for the first ever dance duel? I'm so bad at predicting, I don't know why I even try, but I'm going to guess Gavin will have to break out his second dance. I only hope Gladys survives to enjoy Motown Night next week!

 

 

Don't miss the live results on Dancing With The Stars, Tuesday at 9/8c on ABC.

 

(Image courtesy of ABC)