by Mike Bandy

 

On part 2 of the RHONYC Reunion, the fighting continued between Ramona and LuAnn, who said that Ramona is always with someone else knocking her parenting abilities, and she was disappointed with Sonja for not saying anything to Ramona at the gym when she did it with her. Ramona said that LuAnn was sending the wrong message by having her daughter's birthday at a club, meanwhile at her own party, the waiter was serving her wine.

 

The conversation then turned to Luann's video, and how Avery told Ramona that it was inappropriate and she didn't want her to participate in it. LuAnn pointed out that massaging your husband's check on national television is inappropriate, and then Kelly and Jill did a "recreation" of the massage, involving moaning and writing on the sofa. I'm not a straight guy, but even if I was, I still don't think I'd have enjoyed watching that. Ever.

 

Then Ramona was asked why she invited Avery to a burlesque party if she was so concerned about being inappropriate, and she didn't really have an answer for it.

 

A viewer said that LuAnn is more confrontational now, and she disagreed, much to Alex's chagrin. Another viewer asked Luann why she always takes Jill's side in everything, to which Jill cattily replied, "Because I'm the right side." Alex shot back, "Maybe it's because she has enough dirt on you for a landfill!" SCORE!

 

Speaking of Jill, Andy brought up how she said she'd changed, followed by a montage of clips showing that she really hadn't changed at all. Jill owns who she is, and nobody can change 100%, and you can't have zero tolerance for people, and blah blah blah. Who cares? The woman's an awful hag and proud of it.

 

A highlight of Jill's awfulness was the clip where she said that Alex was socializing above herself, and Alex said, "If I were trying to socialize above myself, I would stay the hell away from all of you, because you're a liability!" I love that Alex has found her voice, because it means I've found my favorite housewife.

 

Next big topic: Ramona's drinking. A montage of Ramona asking for pinot grigio followed, followed by Ramona defending herself against accusations that she's an alcoholic. How could she own 5 businesses and be an alcoholic? Kelly chimed in and said that you could be a functioning alcoholic (and then got petty and said that Ramona's wine sucked), but Kelly never says anything relevant. Look, whether or not Ramona is an alcoholic isn't for anybody to say but Ramona. And if she says she's not an alcoholic, we should all respect that! She probably is one, though.

 

Jill took issue with Ramona's comment about her step daughter's "deformity", and Ramona apologized to the girl on camera, after Jill browbeat it out of her, just like she browbeats everything out of everybody.

 

Then we got to hear about LuAnn's biting, obnoxious comments. LuAnn says that she tries to sugarcoat things, but sometimes it comes out wrong. There was much arguing about how LuAnn is condescending and how she takes digs at people. LuAnn says that she never means to come off that way, and then answered a question about giving up her Countess title (a title she technically doesn't hold anymore, since she's divorced from the Count) by saying that she'll give it up when she's comfortable. Please. She doesn't want to give it up because it's the only way she can continue looking down on people. You're not fooling anyone, LuAnn.

 

LuAnn's music video, and some of the women's decision to not participate, was discussed, and LuAnn said she was hurt that they didn't want to be a part of it. Alex said she would never do a video with anyone who talked about jet setting or the dreaded "c" word, and Kelly said that Alex didn't know anything about those things, which just made me want to punch her breasts off. Kelly - shut up. Forever.

 

The conversation then switched to Simon, and the women attacked Alex for not keeping him in line. Alex said that Simon hasn't been mean Tweeting anybody, and that the women are accusing him of things he didn't do. Jill and Alex argued about Simon approaching Jill, and Alex said that he wanted to clear the air with her because they had a previous relationship. Andy asked Alex if she regretted anything Simon has said to the women, and Jill said, "No, he's perfect." This resulted in a moment of silence and tension you could cut with a whole set of knives, and then Alex said that she didn't regret anything. Ouch.

 

Then, of course, we had to deal with Morocco. LuAnn was called out for acting like an RA to all of the women, Ramona was called out for insulting the people of Morocco, and Sonja was called out for being racist because she wanted to stay near her bags. Sonja defended herself by saying that she's had things stolen before, and she learned her lesson. I'd have to agree - if I had had things stolen from my luggage before, I'd keep a closer eye on it too. Calling her a racist was uncalled for.

 

Alex's fight with LuAnn over Ramona was at the forefront, and the two women argued again, with Kelly making disparaging remarks about Alex in between all the fighting. The highlight was Alex once again, when she told LuAnn that she called her a "thug in a cocktail dress" and then saw all the things LuAnn said behind her back and that she was proved right - "so right that I made ‘Thug in a Cocktail Dress' T-Shirts, and I'm giving you TWO!". Ramona cackled, and so did I. Alex was ON!

 

Then Alex and Kelly got into it because Kelly told her how to feel when she was trying to calm her down in Morocco, and then Kelly called Alex her favorite word for everything, "weird". Big shocker, right? Andy sighed in exasperation, Ramona got a cramp, and then we had to talk about the fortune teller.

 

Ramona was asked if she was worried about the fortune-teller's prediction, and she said that she trusts her husband implicitly, and she never thought for a moment that Mario was cheating on her. Great.

 

Then it was time for random questions from viewers, and here's what we found out: Alex wears a bra sometimes, Cindy (did you forget she was a cast member, because I did) spends a lot of time with her kids, and LuAnn is deliriously happy with Jacques and is taking him to meet the Count in Paris. How weird is that? I'd never take my current to meet my ex, even if we were on good terms. It doesn't make sense to me. Oh, and Ramona had mixed feelings about possibly being pregnant. That was funny, because I only had one feeling about it - that it was utter nonsense!

 

The BEST question asked the entire reunion came from a viewer, who asked how the ladies all felt now that Bethenny is worth 10 times what they all make together. BURN! You knew they were all jealous of her, you had to suspect it, but LuAnn's completely condescending comment sealed that deal in my mind. She said, "You know, when Bethenny started out, she didn't have a lot, and we all did. Now she's catching up." Oh, you hateful see you next Tuesday!

 

Well, now that the season is over, here's my predictions for next season: Jill will stay Jill, LuAnn will be even more condescending and vicious, Ramona will enter rehab, Sonja will bitch about money, Alex will continue being awesome, Kelly will hopefully get hit by a meteorite, and Cindy won't be there because she's just too insignificant to matter.

 

I hope you all enjoyed this season of backstabbing, snide remarks, and pinot grigio as much as I did!

 

 

(Image courtesy of Bravo)