by Robin Hardwick

 

"The Penultimate"

 

Casey, in more makeup than you'll ever use in a lifetime, ponders why Audrina hasn't contacted her since Dinnergate. Cue the montage of Lynn flying off the handle, Kyle looking emotionless, and Casey being smug. Come to think of it, half of this 22 minute show are flashbacks to scenes earlier in the series. Casey leaves a voicemail for Audrina, and it is about as thrilling as you'd expect a voicemail to be. "Hey, calling to see what's up. Haven't talked to you in a while."

 

Audrina meets to talk with her Dad, Mark, about the Casey-Lynn sitch. They meet at Audrina's business meeting with a cosmetics company; you know, where you typically meet fathers for a chit chat. Audrina replays Casey's message for him, so we get to hear it again, verbatim. Mark says he wishes everyone would get along.

 

Audrina is in the meeting with both her parents. The cosmetics line wants Audrina to be their spokesperson. Lynn, as usually, is chatting maniacally and dominating the meeting. They tell her she looks great, and she gushes, although she's been fishing for it. They decide that they want both mother and daughter to be spokespeople. Lynn says "sign me up!"

 

Audrina is strolling down the street with her professional stylist/professional friend Joey. They come to a building to look at Audrina's new ad for Bongo, which is about 20 stories high. Damn. I have to admit she looks hot. Audrina is so proud, because this is everything she's been working for. When she was a little girl, she always wished she would be posing in a bikini over Hollywood Boulevard.

 

They go to a cafe and eat nothing, gossiping about Audrina's life. Joey feeds her questions like "Did Nick [the polo player from last week] ever call?" Audrina never expected that she would meet someone and like them so much. But she didn't answer the question. Methinks he didn't call. Audrina tells Joey about Corey's crazy behavior, which includes harassing all her friends, threatening Audrina, kicking down her door, and all-around abusive, illegal behavior. Joey says he is "scary...like, seriously scary." Oh well, if he's SERIOUSLY scary..."I don't know what to do. I guess I should tell him its over?" Oh, Audrina.

 

Audrina does some "retail therapy" with her little sis, Samantha. Samantha is 15 and looks 25, and is easily the best looking of the Patridge sisters. AUdrina drops $2000 in one boutique. At the next boutique, Samantha casually drops the fact that Corey was parked in front of the Patridges' house, sobbing in his car. Audrina feels bad because she doesn't want to make Corey cry. Samatha, clearly the wisest of one all tells her, "just because he is crying doesn't mean you have to listen." There is a lone paparazzi outside the building, just to remind us that Audrina is famous.

Audrina meets Casey at STK in Los Angeles. Audrina asks her what's up, and Casey mentions that she set her phone so it would delete all messages from her family. There's a sound on the soundtrack that makes it sound as if Casey declared an arms war with another country. All of Casey's attention is on children. Firstly, who are these magical children of hers? And I am not even sure if it is one or many.

 

Cut to Mark walking in the bar, in slow motion. He looks like he is ready for third-grade picture day. Casey interviews that she doesn't need her father, she has the only father that counts- God. Oh, and Mark Burnett, who put her on this show. Mark apologizes to her and says he should step in and defend her more. They all cry into their $15 cocktails.

 

Audrina meets Corey at another bar, and at first he resuses to come in. They have an awkward fight, and Audrina tells him he's acting "all sketchball." He stares creepily at the camera. And then we end with a cliffhanger-

 

Will Audrina stretch out this drama for the finale next week? Sources say likely.

 

 

Audrina airs Sundays at 9/8c on Vh1.

 

(Image courtesy of Vh1)