by Robin Hardwick

 

"Graduation"

 

In the season finale of Celebrity Rehab, the patients are getting ready to graduate from the program, which, if you can believe it, is only 21 days. The Dr. Drew crew is still talking to the group about their aftercare. Shouldn't this have been planned earlier than a few hours before graduation?

 

Jeremy London, Jason Wahler, and Keisha Cole's mother (Frankie Lons) have decided to move into a sober living facility, to the satisfaction of Dr. Drew.  Leif assures everyone that he will be able to stay sober on his own.  Dr. Drew tells him that he guarantees he will fail without assistance.  "F*ck you," he tells Dr. Drew. "I'm going to prove you wrong." Ah, mindgames! Dr. Drew then says that proving a point may be the way to stay sober.

 

Janice is...oddly compliant and is letting other people talk. Is it possible her histrionic personality has been cured overnight?

 

Rachel Uchitel is...[dramatic pause]...not sure what her plans are.  "Tell the story about the penguins" someone coaxes her. Huh? Rachel, taking a dramatic pause, dramatically sighing, dramatically flipping her hair, tells the story of how one morning, she went to the zoo because she was depressed (as you do) she sat and watched a mother and child penguin and started sobbing because of the beauty of it all, and the realization that she was "in love with a ghost". She was holding everyone up to her dead fiance and dead father, and they would never measure up. She still needs some closure. Foreshadowing....

 

Jason Davis is given a lot of air time around this decision. The cliffhanger from the last episode was if he would go to a sober living facility. "Not a chance," he tells the Dr. Drew crew. Counselor Bob tells him "don't let your brattiness get in the way of your decision".  Jason claims he has lots of business deals he needs to take care of, so not for now. The crew gives up. For now.

 

Graduation day. Shelly says goodbye as they all pack up and leave the center, and then breathes the heaviest sigh of relief ever as they leave. "That was hell" she mugs to the camera.  The gang, all dressed to the nines (save for the Jasons) file in to what looks similar to a Bachelor Rose Ceremony. Each of the ‘Habbers gets a chance to speak, followed by a montage of their most airtime-worthy tantrums. Janice says this was the hardest thing she's ever had to do with her life, and she's learned a lot and is continuing to learn.

 

Golf claps from everyone. Frankie is also grateful. Shelly gets up and says that she had been hard on Frankie because she thought she needed to get through to her. Jason Wahler speaks, and it is the most sentences we have seem him utter in the entire season. There's actually not enough footage of him to make a montage; they have to show clips of his parents talking to him. Jeremy says that he has found "order from chaos" and to the shock of no one,  is crying.

 

Leif thanks Dr. Drew for saving his life. Rachel gets up and Dr. Drew tells her that she still has some mourning to do. He tells he that he will be meeting her at Ground Zero in a few weeks. Rachel doesn't protest too much.

 

Finally, Jason Davis stands up. Everyone expresses their concern for him and convince him to surrender. In a clip that has already been shown at least 10 times as a cliffhanger in each preview before the commercials, he hesitates, but then says "I surrender". And the crowd goes wild!

 

A few weeks later, Rachel and Dr. Drew meet up in New York City. Rachel, wearing huge sunglasses, new collagen in her lips, a party dress and six-inch heels, becomes more anxious as they approach the Ground Zero site. Dr. Drew talks about how hard this is for HIM.  Rachel remarks that no one standing around them understands how much she is suffering. I know she has suffered a loss, but that's quite a sweeping statement. In fact, an elderly gentleman, who I suppose couldn't help but overhear due to the camera crew and microphones, introduces himself as a widower who lost his wife of 37 years on 9/11; he does know how she feels. Touche, Rachel!

 

They talk and he asks Rachel for a hug. She obliges, and he holds the hug a little too long and seems to be enjoying the hug a little too much. Dr. Drew asks him to take Rachel's info so they can keep in touch. Way to pimp your patients, Dr. D.  Rachel has a letter that she has written to her deceased fiance, and is looking for a place to leave it. They "suddenly wander" into Central Park (which is several miles north of Ground Zero for those paying attention). they see a rock that has an inscription dedicated to "Andy" so they take it as a sign. Rachel squats at the edge of a reservoir (maybe those heels weren't a good idea, huh?) and reads the letter out loud to no one, and then puts it in a bottle and lets it go.

 

Closure is achieved. For now. There doesn't seem to be a reunion episode, so we'll just have to wait for tabloid rumors about the cast's sobriety. Probably just the way they would want it to be.

 

 

(Image courtesy of VH1)

 

 

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