by Chandra Clewley

This week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey begins with the conclusion of the nonsensical argument that Dina and Danielle started last week.  Dina is like “stay outta my life and stay away from me.”  Danielle is like “Manzo, Manzo, Manzo. I’m not disposable. Manzo, Manzo.” After Dina realizes that she is talking to Patrick Bateman’s sister, she leaves the restaurant with her “fake hair” as Danielle calls it. Danielle then has her mafia bodyguards Danny and John come into the girly restaurant (oh look! They got more air time! Lucky them…I am sure they are sitting on IMDB right now making sure they are getting credited for their cameos).

Later, Danielle has lunch with her “friends” and talks about…well, what else? Dina Manzo. Apparently, Dina wrote her an email for closure which Danielle reads aloud to her “Friends”. Then later, she goes over to one of their houses and talks about how their *might* be a sex tape out there of her with 26 year old Steve. But she had a lawsuit against him for the tapes. They also take her to a pole dancing class to bring her back to her stripper roots and make her feel a little more sexy so she can be dateable again. She is obviously, comfortable on the pole and finds her “sexy” which apparently is somewhere on mobster/actor Danny because that is who she is pole dancing toward when she is “engaging” on the pole.

Jacqueline and the family go to a farm, with the rest of the extended family. Derrick, the newest Housewife I guess cause he is on the show now a lot, is invited to the House Husband’s poker party. Wait, what show is this? Real Husbands of New Jersey? Real Children of Housewives of New Jersey? Wake me when it’s over…..zzzzzz…..

Later, Kim G finds out she can have more screen time if she goes over to Jacqueline’s house and plays both sides of the field by ratting out Danielle and Dina’s argument. She is not admitting that she backed Danielle calling the cops on Ashley, Jacqueline’s Real Child of Herself of New Jersey for the weird threatening texts and emails that has gone on between them. What does anyone expect? Of course Ashley is going to engage, she is 18 years old. And Danielle is like this praying mantis just waiting for Ashley to engage…it’s ridiculous and no one cares.

The House Husbands play poker and wait for Derrick to show up to play with them. He shows up but not before Jacqueline can corner 26 going on 46 year old Steve, about the nekkid photos of Danielle that are compromising. According to 12 year old going on 50 year old Steve, Danielle was…ahem…taking care of herself, alone, and took the photos, then texted them to Steve. He leaves out the part about how he then forwarded them on to the National Enquirer, Perez Hilton, Star, and The Wall Street Journal.  He says the case was dropped when Danielle didn’t have a leg to stand on… I have seen the stills of the video that just came out…are these the same ones? How is it that the timing is always SO impeccable that these just came out?  Have you seen them? Someone needs to call Granny Porn Publications and get those things in a nice glossy spread. 

At the end, we find out we are losing Dina because she can’t be associated with more than one kind of crazy and she already has the cat lady thing going…

Seriously,  I was sad to see Dina leave. She is the biggest reason I started watching New Jersey and she feels the show has become too dark and dramatic for her. It has also become filled with strangers and family members that no one knows or cares about. Take me with you Dina, I couldn’t agree more!!!