by David McAlpine

Last time on The Bachelorette, Ali continued her quest to find love with 17 guys, only about 10 of whom we've really heard from in depth. Two in particular were Craig N. (big hair) and Jonathan (the weatherman), whose childish fighting escalated to the point where Jonathan couldn't take it anymore. He successfully pegged Craig as "dangerous," and sent him packing, along with a couple other guys who we really never got to know.

This week, it's right into the first individual date, which goes to the sultry Roberto, Ali's latin lover and reciever of the first impression rose on the first night. He thought they'd be taking off by car, but instead a helicopter comes out of nowhere and whisks the two of them away - even though Ali is afraid of flying. Of course, that gives Roberto ample room to sidle up next to her, though she's legitmately freaking out the entire time. Ali is more concerned, though, that Roberto isn't going to be what she built him up to be on the first day, but something tells me she doesn't have to worry about that.

They land on the top of a building in downtown Los Angeles where, surprise, surprise, they have to cross a tightwire at a very high height using only each other to balance on. Could the Bachelor/ette team come up with something a little more creative for these individual dates? Maybe I'm just bitter because this was Jillian's first date with Ed. Regardless, they start to make their way across and Ali's fear of heights isn't helping.

Back at the house, Justin starts moping around about how he thinks his cast is going to be such a disadvantage, how he's worried he won't be able to spend time with Ali. Really? You're a "professional" athlete in a cast, not stuck in a wheelchair. That puts Justin way near the bottom of my list.

Meanwhile, Ali and Roberto have been up on the wires, with Ali scared out of her mind. She looks down and makes the amazingly astute observation that there's actually people and cars down below her. She's only several stories up over downtown LA; honestly I find her revelation absolutely shocking. Roberto takes the opportunity, though, to give her a kiss while standing in the sky, which drives Ali wild. They end up cuddling as the sun sets on their date.

As if that wasn't enough, they sit down for dinner wher Ali learns that Spanish was Roberto's first languages, that he loves to travel and he speaks French and Italian, too. In fact, she thinks he's so good looking, she's self-conscious--and apparently that doesn't happen too often! Can anyone say Jake deja vu? She then asks him to give her a kiss in Spanish (apparently she learned it from a rap song...how classy) and she, in return, gives him a rose.

The next day, Chris L., Chris N., Craig (non-big hair), Frank, Jesse, John C., Jonathan, Justin and Kirk all head out on their group date, where a limo leaves them off in the middle of the outskirts of LA. Then comes Ali, enjoying the fact that they're all confused. Then they walk under an overpass and all of a sudden...it's the Barenaked Ladies! Let's party like it's 1999, right? Well, it is 2010 and the group has a new song: "You Run Away," which is apparently about trying to get someone to choose you. Sound familiar?

So what do they have to do with this show? Well, all the guys and Ali get to star in the "music video" (or special Bachelorette version of the same thing), each one getting a scene with her. Some, like Frank, just get slapped in the face take after take after take, while others, like Jonathan and Kirk, get some quality kissing time. Jonathan is super nervous about kissing Ali and, as it turns out, is extremely awkward, too--to the point where he's shaking. But Kirk gets to kiss her in a bed...and they're kissing long after cut is called. Twice. That makes Frank angry because he didn't think anyone else would be that forward with Ali this soon. I mean, I'm totally team Frank, but Kirk is way up there, too.

Kirk and Frank continue to "bro-fight" during the dinner time with the guys and Ali, while Jonathan tries to make up for lost ground by awkwardly asking Ali for another kiss. Before she has the chance to answer, though, Craig steals her away.

However, there's still one more date left for the week and it goes to Hunter, leaving Steve feeling very left out as well as high and dry. This is the problem: Steve who? I'm just going to chalk this up to ABC's lame attempt to get us to feel sorry for the nobodies on the show.

Back on the group date, Kirk gets Ali in the pool and gets his tongue in her mouth. The other guys see that and don't approve, so they start cannonballing one by one into the pool, ruining the moment. Except Justin, of course, who's still moping about the cast. It doesn't matter what they do to ruin the moment, though, because Ali's heart is already sold, and Kirk reaps the benefits with the second rose of the night.

So I guess Justin can't stand not being the center of attention anymore, even though all he wants to do is "fit in" and not have a cast. Hypocritical, right? Well, Justin starts his quest for Ali's heart by hobbling down the side of the road on his crutches. He walks up just as Ali is doing a confessional on Hunter's date and she seems shocked. But at the same time, she's eating it up. I mean who wouldn't? The man just walked several miles on crutches--it's kind of flattering. But for me, it's a little over the top, so I'm silently gagging. At the house, Hunter is wondering where his date is and when it'll start. Answer: she's with Justin right now, who decided to take matters into his own hands.

Ali finally comes back to the house to pick Hunter up...for a romantic night of grilling at home. That's right, after death-defying tightrope walking, helicopter rides and an impromptu trip to Vegas, Hunter gets...a grill and some pool time. So of course Ali isn't going to be as saucy as she normally is, the date sucks! Plus, Hunter is really, really intense in his confessionals. Like super intense. And Justin is still talking about his cast back at the house.

Hunter and Ali slip into the pool and it's clearly awkward between the two of them. There's a point where it seems like Hunter actually farts in the pool, but maybe he just slips. Either way, Ali makes that face that's just pleading for the night to be over, even though she still has to address the rose situation. But before the date can end, the guys are all teasing Justin about how much he talks about his cast (as they should, he talks about it way too much) and Justin starts crying. Could he be needing anymore attention?

Finally, Ali ends the painful date with Hunter by denying him a rose, much to the happiness of the guys, who laughed as his bags were taken away. Things stayed light for the rest of the cocktail time until Ali lets it slip to Roberto that Justin came and visited her because she assumed he told everyone. You know what they say about assuming...(Google it if you don't).

In a flash, Justin is villified by everyone else there. Not one of the guys isn't pissed at Justin and, well, they have a right to be, because all he complained about all week was his cast. Then he cried. What the hell is that? Then phrases like "here for right reasons" come out and I can't do anything but throw my hands up in frustration as the ever-present saying makes its way back to the surface. Another class: "Rated R? This time the R stands for 'retired.'" Oh, my head.

Eventually, Ali got around to the rose ceremony and gave one each to Chris L., Jesse, Chris N., Ty, Kasey, Craig, Frank, Jonathan and Justin. In short, John C. and Steve got the boot (who are they again?).

Tune in next Monday for an all new episode of The Bachelorette, where Ali and the guys start their around-the-world adventure in New York City--only at 8/7c on ABC!

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

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