By Lindsay Strouse

 

Host Tom Papa gives America a sneak preview to NBC’s newest show, The Marriage Ref. Videos are shown depicting real life problems in marriage which are then viewed by a panel of judges consisting of Alec Baldwin, Kelly Ripa and Jerry Seinfield, Because let’s be honest—what is the one thing couples are always looking for? A winner.

 

The Issue: The Stuffed Dog

 

We’re introduced to Kevin and Danielle of Long Island who have been married 14 years. This couple is having trouble over a little thing they like to call “The Fonz.” While dogs are a man’s best friend, they’re definitely not a woman’s in this case. After The Fonz died, Kevin took it upon himself to have the dog stuffed to be put in his shrine. Danielle isn’t on board…and I couldn’t say I would be either.

 

Alec thinks the dog was simply stuffed in an unattractive position. If you’re going to stuff you’re dog, you might as well have it look big and strong, right? According to Baldwin, “women come and go, but a stuffed dog lasts forever.” Now that’s poetic. 

 

Kelly follows Danielle’s words in saying: “I can’t, I cannot, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I cannot, I can’t, no, no, I can’t fathom how this would make him feel better.” Tom adds in his two-sense by pointing out, “Who was there for him the whole time? The Fonz.”
 
The panel of judges is joined by our “Just The Facts” girl, Natalie Morales. She finds that 1,000 people stuffed their pets last year in America. Not such a large number, Kevin.

 

It’s time to make the call. Alec, Kelly and Jerry are all allowed to say who they side with, but it is ultimately decided by our very own marriage ref, Tom Papa.

 

It’s unanimous: All three side with the wife. No surprise there. Tom lets husband Kevin know that the dog needs to be put in his attic of broken dreams where Danielle can’t see it.

 

The Issue: The “Exercise” Pole

 

Next we meet a Georgian couple, Greg and Dianah, who have been married for 9 years. They met at a club where Greg found Dianah dancing on a table. I think we can figure out what’s in store.

 

Greg wants to put a stripper pole in their house for all to enjoy. Dianah says NO with capital letters and that if he wants one so bad he can get on it. She wins quote of the night with the remark: “People in hell want ice water but they don’t get it!” Greg (attempts) to justify his request by saying, “it’s not a stripper pole, it’s an exercise pole!”

 

Alec thinks Greg has made the best pro-stripper pole argument ever in history and gives him props on that much. However, he does admit that if Dianah is going to be the one on the pole, she should have the final say.

 

Kelly acknowledges that Greg is trying to spice up their life and thinks they might actually enjoy the pole. Jerry has doubts that a stripper pole will set a “romantic setting.” I second that one. Tom adds to that by saying, “really, who wants a resentful, sulking pole dancer?” Now that’s one imagine I don’t want to pull up.

 

Natalie informs the panel that pole dancing can burn up to 250 calories/hour and that pole dancing classes have actually become quite popular recently. Touché. Once all the opinions have been made, the decision is split. Both Alec and Kelly agree with the wife, but Jerry is siding with the husband on this one.

 

The image of a resentful, sulking pole dancer is enough to sway Tom to agree with the wife. Husband Greg pulls out the dozens of thongs he purchased for Dianah in protest. I think that’s an issue for another episode!

 

After both issues are resolved, the couples are told that they will both be receiving a second honeymoon cruise.

 

The Marriage Ref airs Thursdays at 10/9c on NBC with a new celebrity panel every week.

 

(Photo courtesy of NBC)

 

Follow Lindsay at twitter.com/lindsaystrouse

 

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