by David McAlpine

Tonight on The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love, the actual show is put on hiatus for a special "Women Tell All" special. That's right, all of your favorite (and I mean all of your favorites) are back in a special, two-hour (ABC-edited) tell all that's supposed to give us some kind of "behind-the-scenes" look at The Bachelor.

The show kicks off with the pre-taped interview with the Bachelor himself, Jake, and his thoughts on how the season has gone so far. He gets to revisit Rozlyn (and asks himself if she made a mistake trying to find love this way), the playful Elizabeth and, the viewer favorite, Ali, who left Jake with "no closure." Even though he hung up on her last week.

As if it couldn't get low enough, the show hits a lower point with a "where are they now" montage of past Bachelors and Bachelorettes. Really, none of them have done anything of significance, so I kind of glaze over it. Except Wes, who apparently has a great dating life now that Jillian's season of The Bachelorette is over. Ok, so you have a ton of scummy girls hitting on you because you were on TV--sounds awesome, Wes!

Then in an immediate attempt to make the show look charitable (yes, charitable), ABC feeds us a montage of Bachelors doing community service and "giving back" to the community. Sure, they're painting murals and giving out food, but are they really doing that willingly, or is it just another ABC appearance? Then Chris Harrison is giving a computer and supplies to underprivileged students in the Caribbean. I really have no words at this point. Onto another montage--bachelorette bloopers! The only one worth talking about was that Corrie farted in the RV; everything else was fairly bland.

Finally, the ladies come out on stage (but, clearly, not all of them, it wouldn't be as interesting if they all came back!). Ali gets the biggest applause, which makes me satisfied. The talk turns to Vienna quick and the words start to fly. Ella calls Vienna "immature" and everyone seems to agree--and nothing else. Is that it? Seriously?

Then the topic of Rozlyn comes up, and you can see the fear in Chris Harrison's face. He knows a bomb is coming, so he tries to set it up diplomatically, telling people to look at the facts, not just their own judgments. Gia points out that she wasn't in their room that night and therefore something must have been going on. Ashleigh jumps in and agrees, but Jessie seals the deal when she says she heard something in a room and peeked in, only to see Rozlyn and the producer making out.

Choppy edit patrol! All of a sudden we cut to Gia, which leaves me wanting much more for Rozlyn. Gia takes a seat across from Chris and the grilling begins. There's not really much to ask her about, so she's replaced by Michelle, who admits that coming on the show wasn't the best way to find love. Ali has to snipe a little bit, adding that she found love, though, which makes it that more entertaining. However, Michelle acts as if nothing bad ever happened, she just chalks it up to no connection. Bo-ring!

Ali is up next and I'm salivating for something good. Something, please! But all she does is whine and complain about how Jake didn't come find her after she left the show. Could these girls be more deluded? Ali semi-apologizes for the way she acted toward Vienna and she drops that she wants to choose "love over work." Hint: She's the next Bachelorette and you better like it.

But things are finally looking up when Rozlyn, who had been sequester backstage the whole time, comes out on stage, to a much awkward applause. I mean hey, people who want there to be a fight, speak up! It hep spark one. Chris broaches the subject carefully, asking her what she thinks is true. She says she didn't fight back the one night because Chris told her what the producer was doing was inappropriate (i.e. letting her call her son while on the show). Rewind to the episode where Chris says that they were both specifically involved in wrongdoing--nice, Rozlyn. Apparently Valishia and Ella were able to call their kids, too, but there's an implication that her son's father didn't sign the release he needed to…it's all kept very vague.

Chris finally fires back, relating Rozlyn's recount of that night's events to her son's stories about unicorns and rainbows, which gets a big rise out of the audience. Unfortunately, it seems like they keep kicking someone while they're down, because she keeps having nothing to say in return. And the ladies' recounts get worse and worse, saying that they saw them cuddling all the time, accusing her of being loose, etc.

So, Rozlyn decides to drop the story of the night: apparently Chris Harrison hit on the unnamed producer's wife while they were filming in New Zealand two seasons ago. Harrison looks massively pissed, but he simply ends the interview there. Sadly, no reaction, but what do you expect from ABC?

Jake comes out at the very end and tells all the girls how disappointed he was that he had to let them all go, they all cry, they hug, we see a blooper reel--by this point I'm completely tuned out. This "Women Tell All" special has never been anything but a sucker episode for people who think they're going to see something scandalous when very rarely does anything of that nature get aired.

Be sure to tune in next week when Jake makes his final decision! Will he choose Vienna, the self-described daddy's girl, or Tenley, the innocent princess full of secrets? Watch next Monday at 9/8c only on ABC!

(Image courtesy of ABC)

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