by David McAlpine

Last time on The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love, scandal rocketed through the house, as it was revealed that one of Jake's suitors was having "inappropriate relations" with a producer. Both the producer and the offender, Rozlyn, were let go, along with Ashley, the girl with the flight attendant costume, and Christina, the not-so-girly-girl.

The remaining ladies are lost without a girl to pick on, at least until Vienna gets the first one-on-one date of the season. Cue the jealousy! The punches start rolling with who else but Michelle, who basically calls Vienna fake and not worthy of dating Jake. Meanwhile, Vienna, who I wished would have gone home night one, is basking in the glory, excited for Jake to see her fun side. Then there's Ali, who's already having issues with the one-to-one date thing. Hello, have you never seen the show before?

Jake whisks Vienna away on a motorcycle (I can hear Alexa screaming in the distance), where they get on a helicopter and have an adventure date. First stop? A quick flyover of the Bachelorette pad, where we get to hear more Vienna hate. Next stop, a very tall bridge, which Vienna and Jake will apparently be bungee-jumping off of. Call me crazy, but I'd never be doing that, even if it was for Jake Pavelka. Vienna doesn't seem to want to do that either, at least until Jake starts nuzzling her and telling her everything is ok. Next thing you know, the two are making out, hanging upside down in their post-jump adrenaline rush. Nope, I still wouldn't jump.

Cut to the hot tub, where Jake presents Vienna with a rose, giving her the first pass into next week's show. Vienna is clearly satisfied that Jake likes her, and pours all the details back to the other ladies when she gets back. Vienna is definitely a tough one, I can see her really messing with the minds of the other girls, that's for sure.

Next up is the group date, minus Gia, Ella, Valishia and Elizabeth, where they're off to Jon Lovitz's comedy club. Of course, they're not going to watch the show--they are the show! And since half of them are probably there just to be on TV anyway, could they ask for me? Ashleigh is sure scared, though, but she seems to be the only one.

The result? Some awful one-liners…and Tenley, who just laughs and puts her feet behind her head. And then there's Michelle, who doesn't even make sense, she just rambles. I feel bad for her, but when there's this much on the line, I really can't at the same time, because she's skiing herself out. When she starts fantasizing about Jake's kiss, though, that's when she gets the crazy stamp…and the funny award of the night!

Corrie and Ashleigh shine, however, with their own forms of comedy. Corrie takes a more scathing approach, ripping at the other Bachelorettes. Her favorite, of course, is Vienna, which makes Jake realize that no one likes her in the house. Ashleigh opts for the blonde joke route, which also comes off as quite funny.

Back to drinking, where Tenley decides to tell Jake about her previous marriage and how she was betrayed. Honestly, I get that it's a big deal, but is it really that big of a deal? Come on now. Ashleigh starts bashing Vienna to Jake, which I don't think is the smartest move (and he makes sure to tell her that), and Vienna is busy at the house dealing with the left-behind's anger.

On the roof of the comedy club, Ali raises a toast to Corrie for her impression of Vienna. Michelle doesn't raise her glass, prompting a huge staredown. Is she in with the girls, or does she dare to be another Vienna? It's moments like these why I love The Bachelor infinitely more than The Bachelorette. Michelle doesn't back down and decides to cry to Jake instead and tell him how much she wants a husband. Dealbreaker right there (as if everything else hasn't been one).

Then things turn worse. Michelle asks for a kiss to see if they feel something. Jake is clearly flipping out, but he's too nice to say no. Finally, the crazy in one of the Bachelorettes has pushed him to the edge, you can see it! But he gives in anyway in what could be the most awkward kiss we've seen on television in a while. The aftermath is even better: Jake asks Michelle to leave after she asks for more. Ouch!

The next day, Vienna tries to apologize to everyone, but Ali, who has now turned into Queen Vicious of the Jealousies is the first one to stand up and say no. Vienna strikes back but is interrupted by Ella's one-on-one date invitation. Their helicopter doesn't exactly take them to exotic lands of adventure, but rather…Sea World. However, a second helicopter lands and inside is Ella's son, Ethan (meeting Jake on their first date, mind you). Teary exchanges and hugs follow, then they're off to see Shamu.

Ella and Jake clearly don't click. It's not hard to see (except for maybe Ella, who's delusional). But Jake gives her a rose anyway, followed by a long hug. Red flag alert! And she still doesn't get it. Where did all these nutjobs come from? Props to casting for these calls, though.

Time for the pre-ceremony party, where Jake has to send home two women (since he already sent Michelle packing). Elizabeth, who was probably insecure about not going on the group date, tries to compensate during her alone time by being overly sexy and touchy-feely…all while not wanting him to kiss her. No man wants that, so he tells it like it is: he calls her a tease. It's then that Elizabeth can see the relationship flashing before her eyes because she knows she's been checked off the list.

Enter Vienna and stuff hits the fan, as the ladies start to talk more smack about the near-tweenie bopper of the house. Elizabeth goes on a rage and gets to Jake later, telling him she's really upset about how things ended with him. And he still doesn't back down. I'd still consider that a write-off, my friend.

Jake gives the usual speech about how horrible the decision was (though I think we can all guess that there was probably one hard decision at most this week), then he starts doling out the roses. Jessie and Kathryn get roses, as do Gia (who scooted by without a date) and Tenley (who made a big deal about, well, nothing). That leaves Valishia and Elizabeth without roses and with one-way tickets home. Valishia is sad for no reason (have we seen her at all?), while Elizabeth is shocked.

Tune in next week to The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love when Jake asks if he has to give out any roses and Gia's connection is put to the test on a one-on-one date--only Monday at 8/7c on ABC.

(Image courtesy of ABC)

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