by David McAlpine

 

Last night on Dancing With the Stars, the celebrities tried their hands at the tango, the jive and the quickstep. Some, like Mya and Aaron Carter, went above and beyond the judges’ expectations, while others, like Kathy Ireland and Tom DeLay, fell short. Still, with the pack grouped so tightly together at the bottom, it’s really anyone’s guess about who’s going home.

 

I know a lot of people are predicting that Kathy Ireland is getting the boot this week. Honestly, I’m pulling for a Louie Vito elimination. Yes, he’s likable, but I feel like he’s already gotten repetitive and he’s not going to bring anything new to the show. Then again, Kathy and Tony are as exciting as paint drying, so I can see why she would be headed home.

 

This week’s judges’ pick goes to Mya and Dmitry’s jive, which I honestly thought was the only dance last night deserving of a 27. Aaron and Karina’s quickstep got a 27 because of where they fell in the lineup, not necessarily because they had a great dance. I still have yet to talk to someone who didn’t think he looked like he was in a dog show.

 

Tom announces the first three safe couples for tonight: Donny and Kym, Mya and Dmitry and Aaron and Karina. They were heads and shoulders above the rest of the contestants, so I’m not surprised. I am surprised about one of tonight’s guests, Joss Stone. I remember her being a big deal a long time ago, so where she came from to be on the show…well, it’s beyond me.

 

Apparently ABC also built a new dance studio for the contestants, which they showcased in a flashy montage. The colors are still incredibly funky and the celebrities still act weird, so it doesn’t seem that different to me. After the incredibly long segment, Mark and Lacey and Natalie and Alec are declared safe. In addition, Debi and Maksim are said to be “still in jeopardy.” Does that mean they were in the bottom, or is it just for dramatic effect? With Dancing With the Stars these days, it’s really unclear.

 

Then, the results show takes a turn for the worse with a performance from Selena Gomez. I mean, I understand that Disney owns ABC, but do they have to be so shameless about it?  I got the Miley Cyrus video premiere—I even enjoyed it. The “Muppets Show” theme song…I let that go. But now Selena Gomez? It’s a little bit of overkill.

 

Finally, a whole slew of couples are deemed safe: Joanna and Derek, Michael and Anna, Chuck and Anna, Melissa and Mark and Kelly and Louis, while Louie and Chelsie are “still in jeopardy.” I’m still not understanding this jeopardy thing.

 

On to another montage, this time it’s the one about everyone’s bad habits. No one can hold their posture, which is a big problem for the professional dancers, but the celebrities also talk to themselves, hunch their shoulders and forget to breathe. How...shocking?

 

Back to more entertainment fluff, which includes the USC Trojan Marching Band (shout out to all my Trojans and USC fans) and some hip hop dancers, none of which I believe go to USC. Regardless, they’re pretty good; they at least add a bit of spice to the results show. Then Joss Stone sings again, and I’m still wondering where she came from.

 

Finally, Tom and Cheryl are declared safe, leaving Kathy and Tony “still in jeopardy,” along with Louie and Chelsie and Debi and Maksim (who both look pissed). Louie and Chelsie are given a pass to the next round, which leaves a very disgruntled Debi and Maksim and a sheepish Kathy and Tony. I think we all know what’s coming, but deep down, I’m kind of hoping for an upset, because Debi and Maksim are plain annoying.

 

Unfortunately for me, there is no upset, and Kathy and Tony are headed home. Sad, but at least Tom DeLay is safe to dance for another week.

 

Be sure to tune in to the next set of performances on Dancing With the Stars, Monday at 8/7c on ABC.

 

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

 

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