by David McAlpine

 

Tonight on Dancing With the Stars, all 14 remaining celebrities take the floor in a super extravanganza of dancing, all trying desperately to avoid the red light of elimination at the end of tomorrow night’s show. One small surprise for tonight’s show: Len isn’t here! So, instead of Len, we get his Australian counterpart, director Baz Luhrmann, mastermind behind “Strictly Ballroom,” “Romeo + Juliet” and “Moulin Rouge.” With the seat filled, it’s time for the show to begin.

 

Celebrity: Joanna Krupa

Professional Partner: Derek Hough

Dance: Jive

Song: “What I Like About You” by Lillix

Breakdown: Last week’s top scorer is the first to go, but she seems confident about the jive. It’s all about moving quick and it seems like she has the basic feel for it down in practice. When she comes out, though, all I see is this poof attached to her head, most of which is obviously not her own hair. Oh, Joanna, the shame in your wig is so bad. Other than that, the energy that she had last week is still there, so she’s enjoyable to watch. She’s having a little trouble making the steps precise, but overall I think she does a great job. Carrie Ann points out the problems with the footwork, while Baz and Bruno want to see a better connection between the pair.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 6 Baz: 7 Bruno: 7 Total: 20/30

 

Celebrity: Natalie Coughlin

Professional Partner: Alec Mazo

Dance: Quickstep

Song: “I Want You Back” by The Jackson 5

Breakdown: All I could hope for this week from Natalie was no more serious face. That’s all I wanted—some emotion besides this intensely competitive look that feels like she wants to dance so hard she falls through the floor. I’ll admit it’s better this week, but it’s still there. I did find myself watching her feet a lot, though, mostly because it was an odd song to pick to do a quickstep to. Somehow, the beat worked and it looked like she did a great job. The judges also likes her improvement in facial expression and Carrie Ann marks her as one of her favorites.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 7 Baz: 7 Bruno: 7 Total: 21/30

 

Celebrity: Chuck Lidell

Professional Partner: Anna Trebunskaya

Dance: Tango

Song: “Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes

Breakdown: I never expected Chuck to be so clunky, but I think it really showed tonight in his footwork. He seemed very heavy on his feet and all of his movements were a bit too late for the music. In addition, their ending move, which was Anna ripping his shirt off, just seemed awkward and didn’t really fit the dance. Honestly, I was disappointed because I thought Chuck showed a lot of potential last week. The judges agree with me, but Bruno goes so far as to ask America to keep Chuck because he wants to seem him keep dancing and overcome his fear. I know he probably won’t be the worst one of the night, so I really don’t have a problem with that.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 6 Baz: 7 Bruno: 6 Total: 19/30

 

Celebrity: Melissa Joan Hart

Professional Partner: Mark Ballas

Dance: Jive

Song: “Long Tall Sally” by Little Richard

Breakdown: When she first came out on the dance floor, I was impressed by how stand out she looks. Melissa seemed genuinely happy and excited to dance, and it really shines through in all the work she does. Her and Mark were, without a doubt, the best dressed of the night, so it almost detracted from her clunkiness on the dance floor. Nonetheless, she’s really improved and she still seems very excited, so she was enjoyable to watch. I’m honestly really rooting for her!

Scores: Carrie Ann: 7 Baz: 6 Bruno: 6 Total: 19/30

 

Celebrity: Michael Irvin

Professional Partner: Anna Demidova

Dance: Quickstep

Song: “Too Darn Hot” from “Kiss Me Kate”

Breakdown: I wasn’t expecting much from Michael this week, especially when I saw it was a quickstep, a dance which is notorious for taking down even the best of dancers in this competition. It’s something that requires a certain amount of finesse and being light on your feet—something that it doesn’t seem Michael has a lot of. Instead, it was really slow, but Michael wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought he would be. The worst part was that it wasn’t interesting, so I don’t know who would vote for him to stay. Carrie Ann thought it was a touchdown, but I totally disagree.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 7 Baz: 7 Bruno: 6 Total: 20/30

 

Celebrity: Debi Mazar

Professional Partner: Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Dance: Tango

Song: “El Tango de Roxanne” from “Moulin Rouge”

Breakdown: I’m surprised that Maksim has put up with so much of the fake domination from Debi, because normally he doesn’t play into that whole character. Maybe he’s trying to be the bad boy on the road to being good? Because one thing I can tell you is that Debi is not nearly a strong enough dancer to put him (or anyone on the show, for that matter) in his place. It’s entertaining, but shaky at best, which the judges agree with. Hey, at least Baz liked the story.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 7 Baz: 7 Bruno: 7 Total: 21/30

 

Celebrity: Louie Vito

Professional Partner: Chelsie Hightower

Dance: Jive

Song: “Crash” by The Primitives

Breakdown: When I saw what Louie was wearing tonight, I was very skeptical. Very, very skeptical. I mean, I’ve seen some outlandish costumes on this show, but a v-neck with a sequined or studded design under a suit jacket? That’s just bad. Granted, he started off his dance with a bang by doing a backflip off the stairs onto the stage, but he did that last week, too, so it wasn’t so entertaining to watch. The rest was decent, surprisingly, but I think the judges were overly easy on him.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 6 Baz: 7 Bruno: 6 Total: 19/30

 

Celebrity: Aaron Carter

Professional Partner: Karina Smirnoff

Dance: Quickstep

Song: The theme song from “The Muppet Show”

Breakdown: I never knew Karina was such a harsh dancer in practice, but she’s really pushing Aaron to his breaking point, which is great to see because I think he does have a lot of potential. However, I don’t think this dance measured up to what she had him doing in rehearsal. First off, it starts off with a Muppet playing the drums—completely random until the music starts and you have one of those “Oh…I get it” moments where you’re really not sure what to think about the situation. To add insult to injury, Aaron is very bouncy and looks like he’s leading Karina around the ring of a dog show, not dancing the quickstep. The judges ate it up, though, giving him one of the highest scores of the night.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 9 Baz: 9 Bruno: 9 Total: 27/30

 

Celebrity: Kelly Osbourne

Professional Partner: Louis van Amstel

Dance: Tango

Song: “Take Me On the Floor” by The Veronicas

Breakdown: You could tell that Kelly was feeling a lot of pressure after last week’s surprise performance during the waltz. Now, the tango is noticeably harder, but still, I didn’t get what she was worried about, because she still showed a tremendous amount of grace and poise during the dance. It helped that the other people who had done the tango up to this point were Debi and Chuck, but still, she gave a great performance. She did trip at the end, not being able to hold the final pose, but her mom was on the side applauding every move that Kelly made. All the judges comment on how great her story is and how much progress she’s making.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 6 Baz: 7 Bruno: 6 Total: 19/30

 

Celebrity: Kathy Ireland

Professional Partner: Tony Dovolani

Dance: Quickstep

Song: “Shall We Dance?” from “The King and I”

Breakdown: I wish Kathy would break out her inner fierce and just go for it, because on the floor she seems so…homely. She used to be a model! She has to have some passion, so I’d really like to see it. Instead, tonight, we get to see another slow quickstep while she’s wearing a dress that, no joke, makes her look like a frosted cupcake. It was too safe and there was nothing fun about it. The judges agreed, saying they needed to close the space between them and they needed to spice it up a little bit.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 6 Baz: 6 Bruno: 6 Total: 21/30

 

Celebrity: Mark Dacascos

Professional Partner: Lacey Schwimmer

Dance: Quickstep

Song: “King of Swing” by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

Breakdown: I figured Mark would be good at the quickstep because martial arts requires such quick, precise movement, but I was very impressed with his performance. It was full of life and energy and it made it look like he had been dancing for quite a while. Everything was very easy and smooth, and it looked totally natural. The judges didn’t agree so much, especially with the technique points in his footwork, but they still commended him. I thought he deserved a much higher score, but I don’t think he’s going anywhere this week anyway.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 7 Baz: 7 Bruno: 7 Total: 21/30

 

Celebrity: Mya

Professional Partner: Dmitry Chaplin

Dance: Jive

Song: “Would You…?” by Touch and Go

Breakdown: Now that Mya is comfortable with the style, I think she’s been able to take her dancing to completely new heights. She was good last week, but this week she came out explosive and with a ton of energy. Also, her and Dmitry make such a good couple—they’re definitely in it to win it. It even gets a standing ovation from the audience! Carrie Ann still thinks that Mya needs to bring out her character a little more and not disappear in the dancing, but the judges still approved.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 9 Baz: 9 Bruno: 9 Total: 27/30

 

Celebrity: Tom DeLay

Professional Partner: Cheryl Burke

Dance: Tango

Song: “Por Una Cabeza” by Tango Project

Breakdown: I’m not going to lie, as long as Tom is on this show, I will always look forward to Monday nights, no questions asked. I think he embodies the excitement of dancing on this show because he looks so happy to be out there and be performing for everyone. Sadly, there was no pointing or booty shaking this week on Tom’s part, but he did make a valiant attempt at a tango, even with impending stress fractures in his toes. The judges pulled a Macy Gray and said he was oddly compelling to watch, almost like a Cinderella story. Maybe they were trying to put the nail in the coffin? I hope not, because I’m voting for him to come back next week for sure.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 6 Baz: 6 Bruno: 6 Total: 18/30

 

Celebrity: Donny Osmond

Professional Partner: Kym Johnson

Dance: Jive

Song: “Secret Agent Man” by Johnny Rivers

Breakdown: Leave it to Donny Osmond to close out the show right. Sure, he may be 51, but he definitely doesn’t look like that on the floor. I think part of it is due to Kym’s amazing choreography, but a lot of his has to do with his amazing performance skills. The man makes everything look natural and easy without batting an eye, and I was floored by how great his performance was tonight. He and Kym are on fire together, and the judges loved it.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 8 Baz: 9 Bruno: 8 Total: 25/30

 

With Tom and Kathy sharing the bottom of the leaderboard, and several celebrities not too far ahead, who will be the next one eliminated from Dancing With the Stars? Tune in tomorrow at 9/8c for the results show only on ABC!

 

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

 

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