By Jackie Helm

The time is growing near where we discover all that we’ve really wanted to know this season - Will Tila pick a man or a woman and will she stay with them this time?  After two weeks of blah scenes and typical competitions, Tila meets the parents of the final four contestants - (1) Jay, the Jersey reppin’ wanna-be who would not be the choice of most women, (2) Bo, who got the all-famous beat down, (3) blonde buxom Kristy and (4) sweet, sexy Brittany.  As expected, the hometown visits were some buck wild, hot messes!

The first pit stop was Fairborn, Ohio.  Bo takes Tila to meet some of the players from the football team that he coaches.  Bo has apparently bribed four young boys to feed Tila bull about his greatness.  As T.T. giggles and bounces, the teens drool and grow stiff.

On to meet the family.  Bo’s peeps are joyous to meet Tila but devastated to hear that he got his azz whooped.  Surprisingly, they are unaware of Bo’s punk qualities and sincerely inquire as to why he got knocked the flip out.

The highlight of the family dinner winds up being the moms nasty, extra long tongue that she whips out for Tila to see.  Ballsy Tila asks if Bo’s mother is bisexual.  Mom replied, “By the end of the night maybe”.  Err, uh…Bo’s young brother is at the table drowned in confusion.  The mom inquires as to if little bro knows the meaning of bisexual.  They fill him in and he’s not feeling it so he excuses himself from table.




Now to Yonkers, New York - Kristy’s hometown.  Kris takes Tila to a skating rink, which might be her undercover claim to fame.  Kristy claims that after a 4-year hiatus on the ice she regrets quitting and it was important to bring Tila to the rink for the reunion.  Kristy was hot on the ice and Tila wobbled all over the place.  But it served as a nice, emotional, romantic scene…I guess.

Tila meets Kristy’s family and is crowned, “the first chic Kristy ever brought home”.  Coincidentally, Kristy has a bisexual aunt who winds up giving Tila a lap dance.  The dad downloaded Tila’s songs and the whole family got jiggy with it.  Especially pops.  Tila dirty danced with dad and spanked him with his own belt.

 

Brittany bares gifts in San Diego.  She presents Tila with an emotion filled card and a street sign reading, “Tequila Ville”.  Most of Brittany’s fam is out of town and her daddy is the only family member to meet.  Britt’s best friend Peggy and roommate Devin join the gathering to pass along props for their girl.





Brittany busts out white rice, fried chicken, pickles and grape soda - which are T’s favorites.  Tila gushes with appreciation for Brittany’s thoughtfulness and sucks on the pickle like a pro.  Britt’s dad pretends to be uncomfortable, but it’s obvious that he wishes that he was a pickle.






Jay welcomes Tila to the all-mighty Jersey and his highly sexual family.  His parents have remarried but everyone is real, real…REAL cool with each other.  Jay’s idiocy is confirmed as his mother states that she always told Jay he should be with an Asian woman due to his love for teriyaki sauce.  During dinner, one thing led to the other and Tila proceeds to kiss both mothers.  This turns up the heat as the mothers then flashed their breasts and kissed each other per Tila’s demands.  Later in the hot tub, the family passed Tila around, holding and loving her.  This overly friendly family surpasses the word freaky.  Ew.




Finally the final four return back to the mansion and share the stories of their home visits.  Jay is overly confident that his porno parents are what Tila wants as in-laws.  But upon eliminations - Jay does not get a key.  Tila said that Jersey called and wants Jay back.  Ooooh good one Tila (or writers).  Jay is ticked…“Ohhh, it’s like that?”  His temper flares as he starts cussing out Bo and breaking ish all over the house. 

Once outside, Jay is still flippin' out and punching walls pretending that it’s Bo’s face.  He says that he doesn’t need the big retarded red house to find love and Tila can suck his @$#%!!!  As if Jay had ever been a class act anyway.  This was one long over due elimination!  Good riddance Jay.

Only two episodes left and next week the crew kick it in Cancun, Mexico.

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Photos courtesy of mtv.com