Reason 2 that I didn't enter my family in the post apocalyptic reality show: when I visit, my three little sisters enlist me as navigator while they play Left 4 Dead; a post-apocalyptic zombie shooting game for X-box 360. I'm God awful at shooting games, but have the best eyes and ears in the family. In this game, there are regular zombies, and five "specials," that are stronger, and have special abilities. My job is to sit, watch, and give warnings when a special zombie is in the area. Each makes a unique sound, and has a special music cue. Apparently I'm the only one who can notice this. My hope for my family in a zombie apocalypse abandoned me entirely when the aforementioned medic sister got really frustrated, proclaiming, "I couldn't see the witch because you all were talking!" (A witch is one of the special classes.) Who else sees the problem with that statement...? Yep...I'm pretty sure my family is doomed in a real apocalypse. Haha, have a great day!
I was going to enter my family in the post-apocalyptic reality show casting now. My first thought was that we'd do well. My mother is a survival expert, my 22 year old sister is a certified EMT, who interns at a local ER, and is in medical school, and I have two black belts, in Kendo and Ryuku Kempo. That's a solid team, right? Post prep-week to have Christmas at my family's house, I changed my mind, for two reasons. One was the hysterics everyone broke into when the aforementioned medic had a diabetic seizure. This has happened several times, requiring only a shot of glucogon. I did that. After hearing my mother and youngest sister shrieking hysterically, ripping the room apart as they looked for the glucagon, in its bright red case, that was right where it should have been, with the rest of the diabetes supplies. What happens when the medic needs medical attention? Panic, apparently, if I'm not there. Reason number two is a story to come. Have a great day! Votes are in!
As the final days of 2011 tick by, I attached something I have learned in all my years: If you wish to succeed in life, make perseverance your bosom friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother, and hope your guardian genius. It worked for me! Your vote is in.
Christmas Mass 2011: Every year, a handful of family is sent to church two hours early, to save about a quarter of the seats for family. We bring books, spread out, and do lots of apologizing. As the Catholics here know, the church recently updated the script for the service. This, combined with my family's general inability to focus...made us the most distracting people there. I was surrounded by comments like: ( to the line, "And with your spirit. ) : "You know your spirit will be fine. It's your body that gets hit by the car!" ( to a motion requiring your right hand over your heart. ) "This just in: Catholicism embraces the Negaverse!" ( that, from my 30 year old cousin, a fan of Sailor Moon.) And, it was in those moments I realized: my victorian corset, tied appropriately, was more than a fashion statement. It also kept me from breathing deep enough to break out in hysterics that would have halted mass altogether! There's something so wrong...about knowing the family member who is more witch than Catholic is still the most devout in the room. More funny Christmas tales coming. Hope your spirits are lifted with a laugh or two. Have a great night!
Home! Haha, there's nothing like peace and quiet after a long family reunion. Here's how to know your holiday season has gone PERFECTLY: 1.) Six days before christmas, you realize you're not done shopping. 2.) The next couple of days involve an emergency vet visit, SIDS scare from the cousin, and a diabetic seizure from the sister. 3.) You spend 5+ hours in a military hospital ER, waiting for a tube of burn cream, because your grandmother has still not understood that you genuinely are too stupid to boil water. 4.) Your mother, with her defective cleaning OCD, has you spend all day polishing the same two leather couches, only realizing when you have to go home that nothing got done...cue shrieking. 5.) You're sent to your house to clean the family heirloom serving set...150+ pieces, formerly thought lost, discovered in a dingy closet. The mission: hand wash half an inch of grime off the set, then hit with silver cleaner for tarnish, then scrub and polish again. This is a great theory...if your kitchen sink emitted more than a pathetic dribble of water. And, 6.) While you're determinedly, simultaneously swiffering the kitchen floor, and tending the spiced yams, and babysitting a handful of the THIRTEEN new babies my family has added since the start of the year...you hear your mother...shouting at your sister about not hanging the expensive leather coats on wire hangers. ( "No wire hangers, EVER!!" < anyone familiar with that quote? ) Yep...another successful Christmas with my gigantic German/Polish family...certifiable insanity and all. Here's hoping your holiday was just a tiny shade SANER. Now...cleaning for the New Years party at my grandmother's house. Voted!
Hey friends- just applied to Ford Escape call on their website- PLEASE go to www.EscapeRoutes.com and VOTE for Team Great Escape! View video and Vote! I would really appreciate it! Hope you had a Merry Christmas :) I voted 4 you today!
