by Kylene Hamulak

 

Last week's Dancing With the Stars premiere gave us our first look at this season's competitors, and tonight we'll discover who will be Season 17's first eliminated couple. Coming in to tonight's first results, Bill Nye and Tyne are at the bottom of the leader board, with Amber and EMMY-WINNING CHOREOGRAPHER Derek sitting at the top. (I had to put that Emmy thing in there. It's like when someone gets knighted by the Queen.)

 

Here's this week's recap:

Elizabeth Berkley and Val (Samba) - Why are Jessie Spano's eyes permanently the size of mirror balls? Is she THAT surprised that Val isn't wearing a shirt? She's trying hard to make "#thrustit" a thing, but maybe she doesn't need to try so hard - the dancing speaks for itself. Len says it was "so close," and that's actually a compliment for a Week 2 Samba. Bruno is impressed too, and Carrie Ann tells Elizabeth that she's in her element.

SCORES: 8 (Carrie Ann) - 9 (Len) - 8 (Bruno) = 25

 

Christina Milian and Mark (Paso Doble) - Memo to self: If you challenge Christina Milian to be "fierce," she's just going to uncomfortably laugh for you. Paso is always one of my favorite styles, and this pair gives a great performance. I'm not Christina's biggest fan (something about her personality is off-putting to me, and it doesn't get any better when she informs us, "I'm better than I think I am!"), but it is an improvement over last week. Bruno says that even though she put her own spin on it, it was still very "paso". Carrie Ann calls it "insane" and says she nailed every step. Len commends her for maintaining the character of the dance and thought it was terrific.

SCORES: 9 (C) - 8 (L) - 8 (B) = 25

 

Bill Engvall and Emma (Jive) - Bill notes that last week's comments didn't really match the judges' scores, which is something we've endured over many seasons. Considering we've got 8's and 9's already in the competition, the numbers have gotten a little  Tonight's jive may not be the fastest, slickest one we've ever seen, but it's great for a fodder contestant in Week 2. Carrie Ann calls it the most entertaining routine so far tonight, but she calls his footwork "spunky." Len thoroughly enjoyed it too, and Bruno says the performance value was incredible.

SCORES: 7 (C) - 7 (L) - 7 (B) = 21

 

Jack and Cheryl (Rumba) - I'm already over the self-degradation from Jack. That works with for the older guys, but we don't need the constant reminders that he "can't" dance (or that he "apparently" can). The excuses are annoying because he actually looks good on the dance floor - or, at least, I think he does. The dim lighting and smoky floor make it hard to tell exactly what's going on, but Ozzy seems to like it. Len liked the style and fluidity of the routine, and Bruno says that what he's done in two weeks is unbelievable. Carrie Ann calls him "otherworldly" in a beautiful way, and compares him to Game of Thrones, and all I can think about is the Gothic lifestyle we were introduced to on MTV.

SCORES: 8 (C) - 8 (L) - 8 (B) = 24

Keyshawn Johnson and Sharna (Samba) - Keyshawn's got a long way to go after last week's performance, but he's an athlete. He won't lose this thing without a fight. He still needs to work on his confidence (and on not dropping Sharna like he almost did tonight), but, like I said - he's an athlete. He knows how to put on a show. Bruno thinks he got overwhelmed by the occasion but still enjoys his performance. Carrie Ann says he's still a little rough around the edges, and Len admires his effort and says it was better than last week.

SCORES: 6 (C) - 6 (L) - 6 (B) = 18

Snooki and Sasha (Rumba) - I'm still going to call her Snooki, and I still can't believe she's a star, but gosh darn it if she's not growing on me. I mean, the part where she "spat" in Sasha's mouth wasn't charming, but, let's move past that. She looks like she's really concentrating on the dance, and it's an elegant effort. Carrie Ann, however, doesn't think she felt the story. Len calls it pretty and neat, but a little bit sharp instead of flowing. Bruno thinks she's still got potential, but then he tells her she needs to learn to act. Soooo....yeah, that's probably not going to happen. For example, Snooki, at this moment, cannot ACT like she is NOT pissed about this critique.

SCORES: 6 (C) - 7 (L) - 7 (B) = 20

Leah Remini and Tony (Samba) - Interestingly, one of the reasons Leah wants to succeed on this show is to tell Scientology to suck it. I mean, not in those exact words, but basically, this is a dance battle between Leah and L. Ron Hubbard. She always brings a lot of personality, and tonight is no different. The Latin dances are going to go well for her. Len calls it terrific and full of content. Bruno asks, "Who is this saucy Latin beauty?!" and calls it "resplendid." Carrie Ann tells Leah, "You released your samba goddess!"

SCORES: 8 (C) - 8 (L) - 8 (B) = 24

Bill Nye and Tyne (Paso Doble) - I know he can't last forever, but I really hope the fans can keep the Science Guy around for a while. Tonight he is channeling Beethoven meets Einstein, and it's fun to watch. The technique isn't up to par of course, but he attempts it at least. Bruno calls it "an exhilarating mist of genius insanity." He says he stepped it up and actually brought paso doble to the routine. Carrie Ann calls it a "weird sort of bizarre masterpiece" but admits they need to work on his feet. Though he says he may have under marked him last week, this week Len liked his fun and commitment.

SCORES: 6 (C) - 5 (L) - 6 (B) = 17

Corbin Bleu and Karina (Jive) - A One Direction song with a High School Musical theme? Ummm...yeah, the under 20 vote is yours, Corbin. It's a super fun routine that's great to watch that feels like a very updated jive. Yeah, I think he'll pull the over 20 vote too. Carrie Ann loved it - every movement was "perfectly turned out" but with an edge. Len tells him, "It's fabulous just to watch you come out," and Bruno calls it a "performance of dazzling brilliance." Then Corbin does a Wildcats shout out. We're all in this together, guys.

SCORES: 9 (C) - 8 (L) - 9 (B) = 26

Valerie Harper and Tristan (Paso Doble) - Valerie's having problems with her knee, and yet her spirit is in tact. She tells Tristan she's got nothing to lose, and Tristan watches her through tears. Come, Tristan. Come cry on my shoulder. You can't be sad watching her on the dance floor. I mean, for one thing, she's inspiring. But also? Tristan's there too. Unfortunately, the dance doesn't have a lot of content, and her rehearsal struggles are evident. Len calls her brave, and Bruno can't believe she produced as much content as she did. Carrie Ann judges the dance instead of the person - she liked the beginning, but notes that she looked lost in the middle. Well...hand hearts from me anyway, Tristan and Valerie.

SCORES: 6 (C) - 6 (L) - 7 (B) = 19

Brant Daugherty and Peta (Rumba)- The training package teases some stripping of Brant, and they better not be lying. This couple is hot for sure, and the dance is gorgeous. Except that they need to learn that "taking a jacket off" does not equal stripping. Bruno tells him to "caress the floor" with his feet, but still thought he did the dance incredibly well. Carrie Ann tells Brant, "YOU were wowing it." Len liked it, but he's not as impressed as the rest of us.  

SCORES: 8 (C) - 7 (L) - 8 (B) = 23

Amber Riley and Derek (Jive) - She's still a preoccupied with being a "big girl", but I'm pretty sure Amber's the only one thinking about that. Some couples are just fun to watch, and this pair is one of them. Carrie Ann points out a couple of things that can use improvement, but says she's still a great dancer. Len calls her a "great big bundle of joy" and thought it was terrific. Bruno agrees with Len and Carrie Ann as Amber gets the "we're running out of time because this is LIVE TV and we had to interview Julianne Hough" edit.

SCORES: 8 (C) - 8 (L) - 8 (B) = 24

Elimination Recap:

 

It's weird getting results so quickly, as there are just over ten minutes left when Corbin and Karina are the first couple declared safe. Leah and Tony quickly follow and are joined by Bill Nye and Tyne. The scores are surprised, but I'm not - everyone loves Bill Nye. Christina and Mark are safe too, as are Amber and Derek, and if they were anything but, there would've been a mutiny. Valerie and Tristan are coming back - thank goodness, because I need Tristan on my tv. Snooki and Sasha will be back next week, as will Jack and Cheryl and Brant and Peta.

 

The Bottom Three for this first week are Elizabeth and Val, Keyshawn and Sharna, and Bill E. and Emma. Elizabeth is the first to be safe, and she should be thanking the Val factor for that.

 

After a few dramatic seconds, Keyshawn and Sharna are eliminated.

 

It's only a surprise that he didn't survive another week, two at the most. Eleven couples remain to compete, and I think we'll be in for some interesting eliminations over the next few episodes.

 

Were you surprised by tonight's results? Let us know in the comments below!

 

Catch Dancing With the Stars every Monday at 8/7c on ABC!

 

(Image Courtesy of ABC)

 

Follow Kylene on Twitter at @keepingupwithky!