by Kylene Hamulak

 

With just a week til Nationals, our Dance Moms team cannot revel in the big win at the Las Vegas competition. There's no time to rest on laurels - there is work to be done and insults to be yelled and tears to be cried!

 

Mackenzie is the bottom of the pyramid, which is not a surprise considering she wasn't with the team for the week. Paige is next to her because her solo "didn't work out too well" (understatement of the season), but she did well in the group routine. Brooke is on the bottom too because she has "a gift" and can "do things that no one else can do." I wonder if rolling her eyes is one of those things. Nia is there too...apparently her hat (damn HAT again!) was falling and messed her up, but Abby's not impressed. Apparently she witnessed a man's hand being severed, and not one of the dancers in THAT show missed a beat. So let this be a lesson to you all: even if you lose an appendage, you just keep on dancing. Unless said appendage is your foot. Because that could pose some issues.

 

Kendall made it to the middle of the pyramid, and Abby wants to know why she blew it. Why'd she blew it? Because she was nervous. Abby has a remedy for that though - she models how to be a total snoot when you walk off the stage so that you can make the OTHER dancers nervous. Chloe and Maddie are on the middle line too - Chloe because she's "flying under the radar" and Maddie because we need a storyline in which "the invincible" Asia has the top spot and Maddie has to fight for it for the season finale.

 

The group routine - "Country Cuties" - is a hoedown. Mackenzie has a solo entitled "Reach for the Stars". Everyone claps and smiles and is happy and thinks it's so cute - big smiles, everyone! And then Abby says, "You don't have too far to reach - she's standing right next to ya." (Cue shot of Asia.) I think I heard the Price Is Right loser horn as Mackenzie's grin turned upside down. Maddie and Kendall have a duet called "Bodies Electric". Also dueting? Chloe and Asia...and no one seems to know how to react.

 

Abby also has one more surprise for the team: This week, the studio will play host to Dance Spirit Magazine, who is doing a "day in the life" feature of an Abby Lee Dancer. Any guesses which dancer it'll be? Oh, big surprise - "they" chose Maddie! In the words of Christi, "SHOCKER!"

 

Rehearsals for the group dance begin, and there's so much going on I don't know where to start. There's a lot of acrobatics, and a lot of the girls "flipping and flopping" each other around. Someone makes a comment about how heavy Asia is, there's a little bit a height discrpenancy for a couple of the partners, and Mackenzie? She's walking backwards over all the girls.  ON HER HANDS.

 

"I hope Mackenzie doesn't fall in the group dance," says Melissa. "Walking on her hands for 48 counts?" Yeah, I hope she doesn't fall either. Because if she does, someone's going to be broken.

 

The next morning, Dance Spirit Magazine rings the bell at Melissa's house, and a day in the life of Maddie begins, with a special guest appearance by Mackenzie. And then all of a sudden Jill and Kendall just happen to stop by because she has Maddie's clothes and-wait, what? Why is she there? Yeah, I have no idea either.

 

"Let's be honest, I'm not REALLY here to pick up Kendall's dance bag," Jill admits. Oh, really, Jill? YA DON'T SAY!

 

Jill also just HAPPENS to have a copy of Dance Track Magazine with Kendall on the cover. "Are you familiar?" Jill asks the woman from Dance Spirit. Nope. She's not. Ok, then.

 

So over at ALDC, it's business as usual. Meaning the Moms are jockeying for position to get their girls on top, and today it's specifically about Dance Spirit Magazine. They're just there for Maddie, but the Moms are putting on quite a show. You know, just in case there's room to feature a little bit of Kendall. Or Asia. Or even one of the dancers with a more "normal" (by ALDC standards) experience of class.

 

"This article isn't about who's the best dancer," Kelly says, "it's about control." She points out that by nominating Maddie (and Melissa), she can control what is said and what goes into the article. That...yep, that seems about right.

 

You know what Abby can't control? Her dancin' feet! That's right ladies and gentlemen - Abby Lee is ON the dance floor, modeling the group dance as the girls rehearse.

 

"Look, Abby's showboating for the photographers! Look at me! I dance!" Christi observes from above. It's kind of hysterical to see her shimmy like one of our tiny little dancers. Abby is actually very well-behaved and not yelling at the girls, so Kelly suggests that the magazine should do a feature every week so that she continues to behave. But then the reporters leave, and Evil Abby returns.

 

Kendall is rehearsing her duet with Maddie, and there's discourse in the studio. Abby herself promises that if Kendall can't keep up, Maddie can do it as a solo, and the routine itself has the girls not side by side, but dancing with Maddie in front of Kendall. Jill is called downstairs to be lectured about how big this routine is for Kendall, and then she says the wrong thing and is dismissed.

 

And now let's take a break for some quotes from the peanut gallery:

 

"What is there to do in Buffalo? The only thing I know about Buffalo is chicken wings." - Christi

"Usually at some point during the week you see a time when the doesn't doesn't look like a hot mess. I have yet to see that time." - Holly

 

"I don't know why Abby's calling all the mothers into the studio, but I really hope it's for her to yell at us. I haven't been screamed at today. I'm feeling a little empty inside." - Christi

 

Ah yes. So why DID Abby call the Moms down? Because the group routine is, as Holly pointed out, a hot mess. Abby wants to run the dance in pairs to see who is screwing it up, and as far as I can tell? THEY ALL ARE. And then she tells Mackenzie that, if she falls? She ruins the entire thing. Sooo...yeah. That's supportive.

 

The duet for Chloe and Asia is...well, I guess the creepiest one Abby's done this season, right? Can we agree that when a doll comes to life with creepy music playing, it's not ok? If you're not convinced, here's the final straw: Asia is the doll. "The doll is possessed. And begins to go after Chloe," Abby explains.

 

Finally at competition, everyone understands what's at stake. Mostly because Abby keeps reminding them. Mackenzie's solo is first, and she looks adorable and so strong as she goes through the routine. Abby remarks, "Asia is the best thing that ever happened to her." And if it made Mackenzie better? Maybe she's right.

 

How did Mackenzie thing it went? "Crushed it," she says.

 

Chloe and Asia's duet is next, and Kristie is worried that the judges aren't going to get the story about the creepy doll. Kristie, there was nothing to worry about. Both girls are great dancers, but honestly? Your kid really pulled off creepy very well. Abby thinks Chloe was outdanced by Asia, which I find interesting. I guess it's just a style preference - Chloe always seems so polished and graceful to me, while Asia is all about quick strength. To each his own. Except for the fact that it's not my dance studio.

 

Maddie and Kendall are running their number to prepare for their duet. Remember how many times your mom told you to stand up straight when you were growing up? Yeah, Kendall's getting that. Times two. And then some. And for a kid who's already been getting freaked out, it's not really that great to hear your dance teacher ranting about how YOU are going to tarnish Maddie's reputation with your hunched shoulders.

 

Well, the duet goes on. And honestly? I think Maddie's reputation is in tact. The girls are in perfect sync, and they earn a "Bravo" from Abby.

 

And another "bravo" should go out to Christi and Jill for the following exchange:

"Shall I bring up the fact that you're wearing chaps now, or later?" - Christi

"For you, this is ALL for you!" - Jill, who proceeds to show off the best moves she's learned from Mackenzie.

 

Speaking of...the moment of truth is upon us, and Mackenzie is practicing her walk over the girls. Gia tells her not to hold her breath, and I try to remember that when the girls take the stage. The routine starts out well, with trick after trick going off without a hitch (no pun intended).  But then the girls are lying on the floor in a line, and it's time for Mackenzie to do her walk.

 

I can't help it. I'm holding my breath. And when she face plants into someone (maybe Paige?) I let out a groan. "Sure enough, she falls over. It looks ridiculous, ruins the whole ending of the number," Abby says. Once again, backstage a poor kid is crying because she thinks Abby's going to yell at her.

 

Time for awards, Mackenzie takes the 1^st Place spot for her solo, but she half-heartedly accepts the award, knowing the group dance defeated her. Chloe and Asia take 2^nd Place for their duet, but that's ok because Maddie and Kendall came in 1^st. It's great for ALDC, and Jill consoles Christi and Kristie (who didn't need consoling) that, for them? Second place is really good. Quit while you're ahead, Jill.  Country Cuties earns the group a 1^st Place high score as well, and you KNOW no one is happier than Mackenzie to hoist that plaque.

 

It's not over yet though, folks. Next stop: Nationals. And Abby was not impressed enough

 

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(Image Courtesy of Lifetime)

 

Follow Kylene on Twitter at @keepingupwithky!