by Kylene Hamulak

 

In case you didn't read my recap of American Idol's Top Four performance night, let me sum it up for you: the judges loved the skinnies, Jimmy was in a bad mood, and I 100% don't believe anyone is going home tonight. But let's waste an hour watching it to see how they manage to NOT kick anyone off, shall we?

 

A Day In The Life: Or, rather, a week in the life of an Idol. The show opens by following the Idols to appearances, rehearsals, and recording sessions over the last week, and it's an interesting peek into the life of the Top Four.  In an expanded segment, we see more of the Idols' visit to Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, and if that doesn't touch you, then your heart is made of stone. The highlight? A sing along several of children had with the Idols, who looked genuinely touched by the opportunity to spend the time with the CHLA families.

 

Girls On Fire: The group number tonight is Alicia Keyes' "Girl On Fire," and it's great. Angie opens on piano, but each of the ladies really shines in her solo. As good as they sound, however, I need to know why Amber has a hoodie wrapped around her waist. Was she afraid there might be a draft onstage? If she's on fire, why does she need a sweatshirt? Hm.

 

Ford Fiesta Mission: OOOH! Ryan is such a busy guy! He's SO busy that the girls' mission this week is to hang out with Ryan but NO ONE CAN FIND HIM! Oh shucks, he's just got so much to do - recording studio, charity website, tv show pitches, is there anything this guy doesn't do? When the Ryan clones show up, it's more disturbing than funny - isn't one Seacrest enough for the world? The whole schtick - including Ryan's jabs at Tom Bergeron and Jeff Probst - falls just short of being funny.

 

Idol Chatter: You know what IS funny? Watching the Idols try to think of five things we don't know about them in 20 seconds. Like, it's genuinely chuckle worthy to watch them try to think of things to say. Angie hates pink, Candice loves Drake, Kree sucks (yes, that's an actual fact) and Amber wins by managing six facts instead of five.

 

False Results Part 1: Amber gets called over for results, but we all know we're not actually going to get any. Just to reiterate, Jimmy (and everyone) agrees that she did a great job on the first song but he (unlike the judges) did not like her second choice. He claims even Amber doesn't even know what the song meant, but Randy insists she "sang her face off." Kree gets the treatment too, and Jimmy says she needs to choose a better song to have a great performance.

 

Idol Return: Remember Stefano Langone of Season 10? He's back tonight to perform his single "Say Yes to Love." And also flirt with the girls. And by the girls? I mean the Idols, but also Mariah and Nicki. And probably Keith a little bit. Stefano is still adorable, but why is he wearing those huge glasses? Are they leftover from a Steve Urkel Halloween costume?

 

More "Results": Candice is called to the center of the stage next, and Jimmy thinks she played it a little safe. He says it's time to move forward. Of course, he also thinks Nicki might have a little crush on him...and she admits he's her new sugar daddy. Candice doesn't care though, and you know why? Because Drake left her a "voicemail", and she totally geeks out. And by "voicemail"? Of course I mean he's in the studio and shocks her onstage. Oh my GAH, it's like middle school! Look, Idol, if you're gonna kick Candice off, kick her off now, cause I don't think she'd mind leaving with him right now.

 

Another Idol Return: Lee DeWyze, Season 9's winning Idol, is back after falling off the face of the earth for a while. He met his future wife on the set of his music video and recently got married, so I guess he's excused. He performs his new single "Silver Lining" tonight, and it's exactly the kind of folksy tune you'd expect from him. Or from Phillip Phillips. Or from any of the "white guy with guitar" winners Idol had for like six years in a row.

 

And Finally: Angie's recap is the final one, but there are no surprises. Jimmy thinks she won the night, but recommends that she continues staying at the piano. Ryan reads a tweet of support from Jessie J, and Angie totally thinks she's going to magically appear on the stage. I have a little secondhand embarrassment for her as Ryan is like, "uhhh...no, she's not here, but we'll see what we can do if you make it." Awwwwwkward....

 

Final Fake Out: Ryan puts Candice and Amber on one side of the stage with Angie and Kree on the other. One pair represents the bottom two, the other (obviously) the top. But which is which? Well, despite the abundance of praise from the judges, it's Amber is in the Bottom Two, joined by Candice. In a HUGE OMIGOSH SHOCKING announcement, however, Ryan announces that NEITHER is in danger of leaving!

 

Wow. Who saw that coming?!?

 

Ryan explains that not using the save has left a free week in the schedule, so the votes from this week will carry over to next week. I think what actually happened is that someone is just bad at math because in previous seasons, using the save meant a double elimination the following week, which did not disrupt the schedule at all. But whatever.

 

Final Thoughts: Idol has yet to give me an elimination shocker this year, as I (and so many others) predicted that we'd have a Top Four reshash next week. I don't hate this situation - the girls are all good enough that I don't mind seeing them all again.

 

So what did you think - were you surprised by the non-elimination? Who would you have sent home? Let us know in the comments below!

 

Catch American Idol every Wednesday and Thursday at 8/7C on Fox!

 

(Images courtesy of Fox)

 

Follow Kylene on Twitter @keepingupwithky!