by Kylene Hamulak

 

Following the drama of an evening filled with dances that forced the couples out of their comfort zones, Dancing With The Stars: All Stars opens with the troupe and pros in a very cool routine that keeps the excitement going. The performances this week resulted in near perfect scores for two couples and overall impressive showings for many others, but no one feels safe at this point.

 

Bristol and Mark are in the first group of couples to learn results, and we're reminded of how pleased the judges were with her performance. I secretly think that was the old neutralizer trick I learned watching American Idol - votes pour in when the judges are really negative, while fan bases get complacent with positive feedback. Wonder if she'll be in trouble.

 

Kelly and Val are among the first four to receive results too - can someone get them a room? I like them, but she's always SO serious about everything! Unlike Sabrina and Louis, who spent last night teaching the ballroom audience their favorite disco moves, and Shawn and Derek, who are really good at finding synonyms for FUN!

 

So who is definitely safe? Secure? Sheltered? Unscathed? That would be Shawn and Derek, who are then joined by Kelly and Val. Bristol and Mark are warned that they're in danger of elimination, but Sabrina and Louis are safe. And also very relieved.

 

Season 13's Carson Kressley is back in the ballroom, giving us a backstage peek as a "free ranging alumnus." In the makeup trailer, he applies some bronzer to Gilles, while Kelly ices her broken toe looking gorgeous.

 

The Macy's Stars of Dance are next, tonight featuring the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers, putting on a huge theatrical performance. The show takes on the entire dance floor as Christina Grimmie performs "Titanium". There are props, there is "snow", and I swear there's magic because I have no idea where guys were flying around from across the floor.

 

Emmitt and Cheryl reveal that if they make it to "Guilty Pleasures" week, his choice will be to dance to "Copacabana". What about Gilles? He and Peta will dance to "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston. I really hope we get to see both those performances. As they make their way back to the dance floor with Apolo and Karina, we get a recap of last night's action. And by action? I mostly mean when Bruno caressed Gilles' chest and Len totally called him out for touching him "in a provocative way."

 

I missed Karina's fall during the live performance, but DWTS is kind enough to make her relive it. And as upset as she was, it makes me a little sad to see all her friends in the ballroom console her, including her partner. They still did a great job, but now that I see her fall? I wonder a) how I missed it the first time (I assume because Apolo's mic dropped at about the same time and I was distracted) and b) how she even finished the routine as strongly as she did.

 

After Emmitt and Cheryl and Gilles and Peta are given the good news that they're safe, Apolo and Karina are told they're in jeopardy.

Before we continue with results, Cheryl tells us about her "Passion Project". She is performing a Cha Cha with a team of dancers she met when she was just 12 years old. She brings her passion to the dance floor with the accompaniment of Tito Puente, Jr. on percussion.

 

The final two couples to learn their results are Melissa and Tony and Kirstie and Maks. Kirstie and Maks are excited to have scored their first 30 of the competition - even if it took an extra judge to get them there. Though Melissa and Tony are safe, Kirstie and Maks aren't out of the woods yet - they are in jeopardy.

 

Another DWTS alum returns this week, except he's not here for the dancing - Season 9 Champion Donny Osmond joined Susan Boyle to perform for the ballroom instead. He sounds terrific, and so does she...except she looks terrified. That giant mirror ball must be pretty intimidating.

 

As part of next week's competition, the couples will be teaming up for a freestyle dance. The twist? The two highest scoring pairs will be picking their teams LIVE on the show tonight. No one wants to be picked last, of course - Maks doesn't want to be the "short, fat kid" (to which Kirstie replies after a pause, "I was the fat kid") and Bristol just doesn't want to be the last ones (to which Mark replies after a pause, "It could happen"). Val is just worried about having a good-looking team.

 

Gilles and Peta and Shawn and Derek are announced as team captains, the two pairs with the highest scores. When Gilles and Peta peek at the guilty pleasure song they'll be dancing to, both of them get giddy in an instant before revealing it to the crowd - it's "Gangnam Style"! Shawn and Derek are a little less excited to get the OTHER big song of the summer - "Call Me Maybe".

 

Winning the coin toss, Gilles makes the first pick - Kelly and Val. Shawn and Derek choose Sabrina and Louis. Kirstie and Maks don't have to worry about being the last picked - Gilles chooses them next. The final teams look like this:

 

Team Gilles and Peta: Kelly and Val, Kirstie and Maks, Emmitt and Cheryl
Team Shawn and Derek: Sabrina and Louis, Melissa and Tony, Apolo and Karina

 

So Bristol and Mark are the final couple standing, and Tom tells them not to bother coming down the stairs - they'll join whichever team the eliminated couple was on, unless, of course, THEY are the eliminated couple. Bristol looks pissed, but not surprised.

 

Apolo and Karina are the next couple to be declared safe, leaving Bristol and Mark standing with Kirstie and Maks. It's the correct bottom two based on dancing, and it's interesting considering they both have rabid fan bases. So who is leaving the competition?

 

It's Bristol and Mark, eliminated. Sucks for all the Republicans tuning in a few minutes early to the Presidential Debate.

 

Next week is Guilty Pleasures Week, and the show will be performed in one-hour shows on both Monday and Tuesday night - there's no results show next week, but we'll get both individual routines and the team freestyles. Should turn out to be a great week with a little less pressure for our All Stars!

Tune in to the next Dancing With The Stars on Monday at 8/7c on ABC!

 

(Image courtesy of ABC)