by Todd Betzold

 

The biggest cast ever...so many huge personalities in one room...drama, drama, drama...that's right, it's time for the premier, finally, of Season 5 of The Celebrity Apprentice.

 

We start out meeting the cast and they are all laughs to start (and very funny), but we haven't gotten started yet...that'll change soon enough. It's men versus women, go to Trump Tower, pick a project manager, pick a team name and then to boardroom to get their first task.

 

For the men, they pick Unanimous as their team name and the women pick Forte. The women pick Patricia Velasquez as the project manager and the men pick Paul Teutul, Sr. right after Lou Ferrigno announced he is hard of hearing...this probably will be a factor later on.

 

They meet in the boardroom to the announce their team names, project managers and find out the task this week, which will be making and selling celebrity sandwiches...the winning team will be the team that makes the most money in sales and tips, so the stars will be trying to bring out the big guns to come out and tip them generously. Paul will be playing for Make A Wish Foundation and Patricia will be playing for The Wayuu Taya Foundation.

 

The guys talk about their plan of attack...make and sell a lot of sandwiches or just bring in money from friends. They ask how much they can all bring in...Dee Snider says he could bring in $5-10,000 and then Paul said he could bring in $500,000...this blew everyone away. They proceed to name the sandwich The Senior Chopper, in honor of their project manager and potential big fundraiser.

 

Patricia wants to do a celebrity carnival...Victoria Gotti says they need a permit for that in New York and Patricia says let the police come. They decide to go with a red carpet theme (Celebrity Club), Debbie Gibson doing some singing. They move on to what sandwiches to make and want to use Teresa Giudice because she has the most familiar face, so an Italian sandwich, Cheryl Tiegs (a healthy sandwich) and Debbie Gibson (an all-American sandwich). Aubrey O'Day gets pissed for not being included because she is from a double-platinum girl band and has most Twitter followers (yeah, because you send out half-naked pics of yourself on a daily basis...its free porn)! This was turn to drama later on.

 

The men head to the café to start making their sandwiches. It's a battle of George Takei, the nice guy, versus Paul, the hard-nose guy. Paul has been busy and not able to make calls, but been texting people...I'm thinking he won't get anyone to come and be the first one fired.

 

Meanwhile, Patricia is on the phone, as well as her team is, to bring in as many people as possible to come in and spend some money the next day. Victoria, though, is on the phone figuring out insurance policies for her son and Cheryl is not calling her big donors until she is project manager. After all the phone calls, the ladies finally head to the café to work on sandwiches.

 

The day of the task has arrived...women get in the vans heading to the café, but Victoria is not present because apparently she doesn't like to wake up early or like to be told what to do...good for her lol. Victoria arrives late, but she tore her cornea (according to her). She had a dream that Patricia won though, so everything is fine.

 

The men open first and were outside and drawing people into the restaurant...Penn Jillette out juggling, Paul screaming and yelling...they had a good crowd. The women open and had a decent crowd, but then Wyclef Jean comes to visit and donates $15,000 and sings some songs with the crowd.

 

The men are working the crowd to sell their sandwiches...Clay Aiken is upselling sandwiches from $100 to $1000 and a dance troupe spending $5,000, but where is that $500,000 Paul?? Meanwhile, the ladies are bringing in big amounts: $10,000 here, $25,000 sandwiches there. Russell Simmons comes and wants a vegan sandwich for $10,000...Victoria and Cheryl go slap something together and get the $10,000.

 

The men are making such a spectacle outside that no one is coming in to buy sandwiches...they had a dead restaurant. The men were starting to have doubts that Paul was going to bring in the big guns.

 

Trump then calls Patricia and Paul and told them to bring their best sandwich to the Rachael Ray show and the one she determines is the best wins a hefty bonus. Lisa and Victoria bring theirs and Adam Carolla and Arsenio Hall bring theirs. Rachael likes both and will get with Trump to tell him the winner.

 

Back to selling and the men can barely sell a sandwich for $25 and the women just got another check, this time from Dayana Mendoza's friend donated $20,000. I think this one is a no-brainer.

 

Time for the boardroom: Patricia thinks they will win and says their best player is Dayana. Much love all around, but it is earlier. If she loses, she says she would bring Cheryl and Victoria. Trump trying to start drama with the women, so they clearly will be the winner...get the fighting out now since they will go back to suite soon.

 

Time for the men: Paul says biggest star was Penn because he could attract the crowd and his weakest players were George and Arsenio...George is a meeker person by nature, so won't last with the strong personalities...George took offense to that and Trump defends him.

 

The sandwich Rachael chose, which will get $35,000 from Café Metro, was Paul's, so a nice chunk of change for them. Now for the overall winner: the women raised $126,962 (a first-episode record) and then men raised $332,120 plus the $35,000, so overall $367,120. The thing is is he had one donor of $305,000...no wonder he won. So, Make A Wish Foundation gets over $490,000.

 

Let the cat claws come out from the women. No real fights to start, but Cheryl seems to be the one to get thrown under the bus first (remember, she said she was saving her big donors for her task). So, the women say either Cheryl or Victoria should be fired and Patricia brings those two back to the boardroom with her.

 

The boardroom is very lame...no real cat fights. Both Cheryl and Victoria admit to holding back with donations for their own charities down the road. They all seem to be supporting each other...fight to remain on the show women! Cheryl seems not interested to be there and is too quiet, so I think it's her going home. Trump asks Cheryl if she has the fight to go on and she says she doesn't know if this is right for

her...what? Well, that sealed it for her and she is fired.

 

The Celebrity Apprentice airs Sundays at 9/8c on NBC.

 

(Image courtesy of NBC)

 

Follow Todd @tbetzold