by Robin Hardwick

 

"The Wrath of Casey"

 

Previously on Audrina... Audrina has a family. Sometimes they squabble. Sometimes they love each other. Sometimes Audrina is a model, sometimes she's just a celebrity.

 

The big excitement is Audrina's parents' upcoming 26th Wedding Anniversary. If 25th is the bronze anniversary, then the 26th must be a reality show contract. Audrina and teenage sis Sammi go with their father to pick out a diamond ring to give to Audrina's mother, Lynn. He'd better pick out the right one, or Lynn will be so angry! I mean, last year she was expecting a ring but he got her a boat! Oh, Orange County and your wacky gift giving rituals.

 

Audrina will take time out of her busy schedule of nothing to help plan their anniversary party. First, she has to meet with her sister Cranky Casey at a restaurant to enlist her help in planning. if you remember (and I am sure you do because they've shown this clip ad nauseam) Cranky Casey and Lynn squabbled a bit over dinner. Cranky Casey is not sure she's going to have time to help plan, being that she is already busy with a husband, two kids, "pilot school" and her own makeup line. And she does this all WITHOUT AN ASSISTANT!

 

Can you imagine? To make it worse, they notice that there is paparazzi filming them. Cranky Casey gets cranky about it. Audrina pretends to be annoyed but loves it. Oh right, the party. Audrina thinks hard and decides that it should include balloons, cake, pictures everywhere, and speeches.

 

Audrina hangs out at a club in LA with her good friend Kevin at a club reassuring him and herself that her boyfriend Corey has nothing to worry about; she'll never cheat on him. Even when they meet a guy and he sits with them and proceeds to remove his shirt. Because in this world, that happens. Besides, women send Corey naked pictures of themselves all the time. Because in this world, that happens.

 

The Patridge siblings decorate the back room of a restaurant and Cranky Casey bosses everyone around and when they don't like her ideas, she tells them to try and write an etiquette book. My goodness, I can't wait to see the lucky guy who is married to this ray of sunshine. They surprise their parents and show a slide show of old pictures of them. it is pretty cute, I'll admit. Speech! Speech!

 

Audrina says nothing exciting, and then dramatic tension and commercial cliffhanger as Cranky Casey begins her speech. Will she say something bratty? No, she says something to the effect of, "even though we don't get along sometimes, I still love you." Audrina voice-overs that in her own way, that was [Cranky] Casey saying "I love you." Yes, Audrina, that is the case because she literally says "I love you."

 

Papa Patridge brings Lynn a box that is really a box within a box, within a box, and Lynn threatens that it better be a ring. Turns out it's an empty ring box, because Lynn should go with him to pick out the ring. Lynn squeals with delight, and Papa Patridge gets off the hook for not buying a gift. Oh, this wacky family!

 

There's another surprise in store, because Audrina's Australian boyfriend Corey shows up to surprise Audrina. Way to make the party about you, Audrina. He calls her "‘Drina" and they kiss and smile.

 

The next morning, Audrina takes Lynn to a Pilates class and just like she did so wonderfully on The Hills, she recaps the previous day's events in conversation. Her mom loved the party. But what about Audrina? She's upset because Corey will only be in town for a few days. They are interrupted by their Pilates instructor, Ricky Rebel (pronounced like the verb, not the noun). Ricky is donning skintight spandex and a cutoff shirt, and looks like Stephanie Pratt in a wig. To say he is a caricature is an understatement. He keeps telling the women to "feel the yum yum" and slapping their behinds. Look for his spinoff show next season.

 

Lucky us, we get to meet Kyle, the man who has won Cranky Casey's heart. He also is covered in tattoos. In fact, I'm pretty sure he has the word "murder" on his neck. He looks like a young Davey Havok of the band AFI, or at least is trying to. He and Casey read love letters to each other written with markers on construction paper. I wish I was kidding. Kyle's letter ends with "I promise I'll never die." Cranky Casey explains that she is trying to separate herself from the Patridge clan because she has her own family now, so she doesn't need them. Plus, she's a "grown up", apparently.

 

Back at Audrina's house (note that it is the same one she was living in during The Hills, and please note that I actually was able to identify it as so) she and Kyle are making plans for the day, which is Valentine's Day. Corey is mad that Audrina won't cancel her plans, which include "errands and some fittings". Audrina is frustrated that Kyle is so selfish, considering how hard Audrina has worked to be where she is.

 

Drina, however, surprises him by taking him skydiving. Cue series scene where they talk about how nervous they are and make metaphors about how love is like "taking the plunge". Audrina had a heart painted on the field where they land.

 

Audrina drives Corey to the airport and then runs from the car calling his name and says goodbye, which was teased in the episode as some big moment where Audrina begs him not to go. Spoiler: he leaves.

 

Audrina goes to "Badgely-Meeeeshka" to try on some dresses for the fashion show she is walking in. The dresses are glamorous and flashy; Audrina is tall and thin, you do the math. She chooses a sparkly red one. Her assistant is present to tell her that she looks good.

 

She has a surprise for Cranky Casey: she's taking her to New York with her! Casey agrees immediately. So much for the kids, pilot school and makeup lines.

 

Next week: will Cranky Casey and Lynn get along during their trip to New York? What do you think?

 

 

Audrina airs Sundays at 10/9c on Vh1.

 

(Image courtesy of Vh1)