by Michael J. Lamp

 

"Toddlers and Tantrums"

 

Joe Jonas is with Padma to introduce this week's Quickfire Challenge on Top Chef: All Stars. Most of the chefs instantly comment on Joe's world-famous celebrity status, but Dale T. - being classically classless - says he's never heard of Joe. While I assume this was Dale's attempt at looking too cool for school, it just made him look sorely out of touch. Fail, Dale. Major Fail.

 

The challenge is to create a midnight snack that is appropriate for kids. Continuing his tendency toward douchery, Dale T. takes the entire stash of sugar and places it at his station. Needless to say, his competitors are none-to-pleased when they go looking for the sugar in the pantry. Dale T. is really living up to his reputation.

 

The bottom three are Tiffany D. (too messy for the kiddies), Mike (chocolate wasn't sweet enough) and Stephen, whose dish missed the mark as a whole.

 

The top two are Spike's carrot & potato chips and Tiffany's rice crispy snowball sweetness. To break the tie, they'll be serving their snacks to real kids at the American Natural History Museum. In order to create enough for 150 wee ones, Spike and Tiffany will need help from their fellow all-stars. Fabio gets picked last. He says he doesn't care, but it sure seems like he cares.

 

As the chefs attempt to leave the museum, Tom pops in to inform them that the elimination challenge will start immediately. Since the kids are having a sleepover at the museum, the chefs must create breakfast for the children and their parents. Celebrating the giant T-Rex and Brontosaurus artifacts in the room, one team will cook with meat and meat by-products, while the other team will channel dinos with veggie diets.

 

In the morning, the teams head for the coolers to source their ingredients. The T-Rex team soon discovers that being the ‘meat' team means they get to cook with...just meat. You can see collective brows begin to scrunch.

 

Within what feels like ten minutes, Jamie cuts her thumb and is off to the doctor. While setting up their respective presentations, Angelo makes the decision to slice plums, rather than leaving them whole. This offends and irritates Marcel, who is now incredibly suspect of Angelo's intentions. Hmm. Someone is questioning Angelo's intentions? This all feels incredibly familiar.

 

First season host Katie Lee is on hand to help judge the elimination challenge. Only two of this season's chefs ever cooked for her on the show, but it's still a nice piece of Top Chef nostalgia. When it's time for Judges' Table, though, it's a tad awkward to see her sitting next to Padma, aka her replacement.

 

Team Brontosaurus is the favorite of the day, proving that meatless meals can please both parents and their kiddies alike. The winning dish is the banana parfait (which did look ah-mazing), equaling a win for Richard, Marcel and Angelo. What about those plums, Marcel?

 

Team T-Rex ends up on the losing end. From raw frittatas to uncooked eggs, the judges make it clear that they weren't feelin' feelin' the veggie breakfast. Jen proceeds to go bonkers and insists that their food was way better than the opposition. I sort of adore her, so I'm loving the fire. I think she might rip Gail's throat out at any second. Wowza.

 

Apparently, the judges didn't love the fire in Jen's eyes the same way I did. She's headed home this week. I can't wait to talk to her. Something tells me she has a thing or two to discuss.

 

 

Top Chef: All Stars airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on Bravo.

 

(Image courtesy of Bravo)

 

 

Follow Michael @mjlamp

 

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